Remembrance Ceremonies

KatieBug2966

Hi everyone!I recently lost both my father and younger brother, and would like to do something to honor them during my wedding. I know I'd like to do a honorary song during the reception with my mom and sister, but am also considering lighting candles for them during the ceremony. I worry, however, that doing both might be too much and make the wedding a little depressing. What do you think about doing both?We're also having a photo table with pictures of my fiance and I, friends and family, so they'd both be included in that.

Anon I. Mouse

We are setting a chair (we are doing a ceremonial circle) for my FI's grandfather who passed away a couple years ago and he may say a few words about him during the ceremony (we intend to share with each guest why it was important to us they be there as we don't have many guests!).I considered doing similar for my grandfather/grandmother however as my step-grandmother will be there, it may be some weird ghost love triangle going on :PI don't think it is at all depressing. Death is as much a part of life as birth is and I think it is wonderful to include your father and younger brother in your ceremony in the way that fits for you.

aerinpegadrak

Is your family okay with this?  Depending on how recent the death is, it may be an unpleasant shock if they show up at a wedding and encounter a memorial.For weddings, I tend to think that the private, unannounced memorials are the best.  Your loved ones wouldn't want anyone to be sad on your big day, and as a guest I tend to find them a little uncomfortable, especially if I didn't know the deceased.  A special candle, photo charms in the bouquet, a special song whose significance is known only to you... I tend to think those are the way to go.

Stacey2113

I like the flame from the memorial candle idea.  My husband's best friend passed away 5 months before our wedding.  I wrote a poem for those who had passed and put it by the memorial candle.  My husband also mentioned passed loved ones, and specifically his bf, in his speech at the reception.  My sister had an outdoor wedding and had ribbons with passed loved ones names on them attached to tiki torches down the aisle.One of my good friends had just lost her father and she had a picture of him and her as a last slide in their slideshow (their show included family pics, not just the couple).  He was also mentioned by the bride's mom in her "thank you for coming" speech.I agree with the other posts that you should probably run it by your other immediate family members, but if YOU feel that YOU want/need to do more, I think they'll agree that it's a good idea.  They were important people and it's your day to share it with whomever you want in whatever way you want.

atlcatlover

My Mom passed away very suddenly right after I was engaged. At our ceremony I left her chair open at the front row, and had our officiant (who was her MOH) put a bouquet of her favorite flowers in the chair.  I had a double sided photo charm of her attached to my bouquet.  At the reception we had a simple candle and a memory poem with the flowers in a vase.  No names necessary and it was just enough.

fyrelle74

agreed on asking first,this is also something I'm dealing with too unfortunately so I feel your pain and your need to honor and include your family.I lost my grandmother to Alzheimer's and then my mother suddenly 11 months later..needless to say it was a devastating event for that side of my family...I talked to several of my relatives and they love that I wanted to stuff to still include them, and they all loved my ideas.My aunts will both be walking up the aisle to light the unity candle in place of my mother...they will be carrying yellow roses, which are the ones I always gave her, and I am having empty seats for them at the front. Oh and the parents/and aunts...will also be walking down the aisle to my harpists rendition to "Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Simon and Garfunkle..which my mother sung me to sleep every night.I'm also getting married on my grandmother's birthday, which does happen to be when my FI and I got together, and the day we celebrate Valentines day..so it isn't JUST about that.I do have a Memory page on my website for them as well...and I will have memorial candles at the reception.I think that focusing on small touching ways to honor our loved ones that are no longer with us in the physical sense is a good thing. It doesn't have to be morbid, or like a funeral as I saw one person say before...the only people who are going to really know these details are the people who really knew your family that passed...but it is a way for you to feel closer to them spiritually.

mikesboo23

We had 4 floating candles around our wedding cake and a page in our programs dedicated in loving memory.  The page in the programs had a part at the bottom that explained that the candles were for them.  Everyone loved it.  I think making it part of your ceremony might be a little too much.  To depressing for a happy day.

alexice27

Try this website, you can keep a picture or token of your loved one loss on your bouquet and there are a few other nice small token of memory. http://www.myjeanm.com/engine.cfm?iCatID=50864&ssource=googlebase&kw=JWMPSSS