ceremony gap question

gymchick05

Kinda a what would you do thing. Right now my ceremony is planned for 2:30 at the church and cocktail starts at 6pm. The venue is about 45-55min drive away. I dont want to miss a minute of my cocktail hour, but I am concerned about the timing. We are having a full Catholic mass and receiving line, so I figure my the time my guests leave the church and we do family pics it will be at least 4pm. Then we are driving to where we will take photos and the photographer wants about an hour. This would be about 5-10min from the venue. I just feel like this is so rushed and if anything gets delayed for any reason I will miss my cocktail hour, which I will be incredibly upset about since we are paying for it! haha

If I moved the ceremony to start at 2pm, do you think this would be a big deal? I think it gives us more breathing room, gives the photog more time, and since our wedding is at a hotel, gives people time to check in. There is also a sports bar in the hotel where they can kill time with a drink or play pool, watch a game, etc.
What would you do?

kasabby

From a guest perspective, that is a big gap of time. But I guess if there is stuff to do at the hotel then it wouldn't be a huge deal.

gymchick05

My thought is kinda its a gap either way, but its only 30 more minutes u know? Plus, if the guests leave the church by 3:30-4 they are getting to the hotel around 5 or they are checking in and waiting 30min-1hr at most- is that still too long? I mean would 30 min make a huge difference to the guests since they are waiting either way? Im also concerned about my parents, bridal party, etc being able to check in before the wedding

kwilkinson14

I don't think it will be that bad. I know ladies on this board comment all the time about time gaps. However, sometimes you just can't help it. I know my ceremony starts at 2:30 and cocktail starts at 6. I wanted to give myself time to take pictures inbetween as well as allowing my guests to check into the hotel. I know other weddings I have gone to this has happened. I really haven't given it a second thought.

altimat873

Its your day and do whatever will make you the most comfortable. Its nice of you to be considerate of your guests, but them waiting at the hotel an extra 30 min isnt going to kill them, they can relax in their rooms or go to the bar area. You will only have your wedding one day in your life and if you want to enjoy your cocktail hour, you should! Go for pushing the ceremony back 30 min, IMO.

uppereastgirl

I hate gaps (although I recognize that sometimes they're unavoidable), but even so I wouldn't care about the extra half an hour as long as I was staying at the hotel.  For guests who are not staying at the hotel though, that may be vicious because they won't have time to go home and they'll be all dressed up so what are they supposed to do in between?  Those are the worst gaps for me -- all dressed up with no place to go.

Honestly, I think you'll have PLENTY of time to get photos done and still show up at the beginning of cocktail hour if your ceremony is at 2:30, so I wouldn't move the time.  Really you only need a few more minutes, and it seems mean to make guests wait around with nothing to do for an extra half an hour so you don't miss 5-10 minutes of cocktail hour.

peaches85

Personally, I'm not a fan of gaps at all and, if I were you, I'd keep it as short as possible.  Yes, you want to attend your cocktail hour, but waiting around in a hotel lobby for a wedding to get started is really obnoxious and annoying from a guest's standpoint... especially considering the fact that the sports bar at the hotel isn't free and your guests (the ones you're inviting for a night of food, fun, and dancing) would have to pay for their drinks.  I understand the whole "it's your day, do whatever you want" mentality, but I just feel like some people are forgetting basic manners as hosts.  Making your guests wait just seems inconsiderate to me.

Perhaps I'm in the minority, but that's just my opinion.

Edit: Even as a guest staying in the hotel, I get annoyed by these types of situations because I hate getting dressed up, attending the ceremony, driving to the reception, and then having nothing to do (even in my own hotel room) for however long before the party gets started.  It just kind of brings down my energy and makes me sluggish and less excited to party.

gymchick05

UEG- if you knew you could go to the hotel bar, watch tv, play bar games or shoot pool, would you still care even if you werent staying at the hotel? Do you think that is a good time killer? Are wedding is in Florham Park too, right outside of downtown Morristown if that makes a difference with the time to kill.
Thanks for the opinions, I am really torn on what to do

altimat873

I think as long as you inform your guests of things to do in the area i.e. locations, directions, etc for those not staying in the hotel, might be a good idea to send out with the invites or save the dates. I dont think it is "basic manners as a host" being disregarded if you do this. But that is just my opinion. Your wedding day is going to be fun yet very exhausting and if 30 min will calm your nerves. I think you should do that.

uppereastgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_ceremony-gap-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:b677f33b-8b67-4c72-a54f-5f8e22968dc3Post:5b35cc9c-db3a-4d85-983b-d76fc7c9bd66">Re: ceremony gap question</a>:
[QUOTE]UEG- if you knew you could go to the hotel bar, watch tv, play bar games or shoot pool, would you still care even if you werent staying at the hotel? Do you think that is a good time killer? Are wedding is in Florham Park too, right outside of downtown Morristown if that makes a difference with the time to kill. Thanks for the opinions, I am really torn on what to do
Posted by gymchick05[/QUOTE]

<div>Is the wedding at the hotel?  If so, I'd be set.  If not, and I wasn't from close enough to know what I could do in the meantime (while all dressed up), I don't know what I'd do.  I wouldn't think to go to a hotel I wasn't staying at to go to a bar, unless it was pretty much next to the venue.  I know Florham Park well enough that I would know I could go to Morristown.  But if I was from Princeton I may not know that Morristown has stuff to do (although it isn't like I'm going to go to the museum or Century 21 in a cocktail dress), and may not feel comfortable enough with the area to venture off the wedding map to go there in between.  You know?</div><div>
</div><div>I just always remember a wedding I went to on Long Island with a similar gap.  My husband was in the wedding party so he was whisked away for pictures (nobody told me where they were going), and I was left to fend for myself with his car, alone, in an area I didn't know with nothing really to do as far as I could tell (and I knew if I drove around looking for something to do, I'd never find my way back to the reception hall).  I ended up sitting in the reception hall parking lot for 45 minutes while the wedding before was letting out (they wouldn't valet park me or let me into the venue that early) with nothing to do.  Really sucked.  Of course, I was kind of unique in that I had no-one at all I could waste time with and I had no idea where I was.  But still, I went into that reception in a foul mood from being bored/abandoned.</div>

goaliegirl

I am not a fan of large gaps.  I find it to be incredibly rude to make your guests wait around because you want enough time to take pictures and get to the cocktail hour.   yes, it is your day, yes you should do what you want, but don't be upset if people don't come to your ceremony, because, yes that is what people will do.    For one, not all of your guests will be staying at the hotel, and two, not everyone is a fan of sitting in a sports bar.  Some people don't have a lot of extra money after paying for a gift, etc to sit for an hour and spend money in a sports bar.   

Personally, I think you should keep it as is and if you miss a little bit of your cocktail hour than you do.  Please don't make your guests stand around and wait for you so you can take tons of pictures.

gymchick05

UEG- yes the venue is in the hotel

One last question - we can pay extra to have champage and strawberries served to the guests 30 minutes before cocktail hour starts. Do any of you who think gaps suck think if we did this for the guests that would help? If I dont change the ceremony time, this would be kind of a waste since most people wont even be there yet, but we could still do it either way.

goaliegirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_ceremony-gap-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:b677f33b-8b67-4c72-a54f-5f8e22968dc3Post:9b1dc714-4bd1-42e0-8d94-e6b4918394a9">Re: ceremony gap question</a>:
[QUOTE]UEG- yes the venue is in the hotel One last question - we can pay extra to have champage and strawberries served to the guests 30 minutes before cocktail hour starts. Do any of you who think gaps suck think if we did this for the guests that would help? If I dont change the ceremony time, this would be kind of a waste since most people wont even be there yet, but we could still do it either way.
Posted by gymchick05[/QUOTE]

for me...no it would not help...I am still standing around just waiting for the cocktail hour to start, probably hungry at this point, since it is around dinner time and I had to get to your ceremony for a 2:30 start and who knows when I left home.   I am not a fan of champagne, so that would make no difference to me.  

peaches85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_ceremony-gap-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:b677f33b-8b67-4c72-a54f-5f8e22968dc3Post:5d721d0f-7202-4448-99a8-2e8c0dc26a2a">Re: ceremony gap question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: ceremony gap question : for me...no it would not help...I am still standing around just waiting for the cocktail hour to start, probably hungry at this point, since it is around dinner time and I had to get to your ceremony for a 2:30 start and who knows when I left home.   I am not a fan of champagne, so that would make no difference to me.  
Posted by goaliegirl[/QUOTE]
This^^

leah2b

Any way you can extend your cocktail hour for a half hour? 

sgdc2011

Just don't be surprised when people don't show up to the ceremony.  I personally hate gaps also, coming from a none church background I have never heard of gaps and when I went to my first wedding with one I was bored.  Just because you give them something to do doesn't mean they will have enough time to do it..  2 hours if you think about it is not that much time to go out and do something but it's to much time to just sit around.  Either that or people are going to show up to the church dressed inappropriately and use that time inbetween to get changed (I've seen that before dozens of times).

I wouldn't extend the cocktail hour either because I still feel like that is a long time, just to eat, people want to party.

wagnerdi

We're kind of in the same situation, church is at 2, cocktail hour is 6:30 about an hour away.  Those are the times we are stuck with so there's nothing we can do about them. I agree that if i were attending the wedding it would be annoying, but people are adults, they'll find something to do. And those that really matter will be at the church to see you get married, and those that want to share in the joy with you will just come to the reception.
I also want to not miss a minute of my cocktail hour, I'm paying a lot of money to enjoy my wedding day and I want to be there (selfish much LOL). But it's true...

njpabzy

I truly believe you should do what you want to do - people will get over it. I understand why you are torn, as I was also torn, but in the end the day goes by so fast and it is your one shot to have your wedding day be as you want it.
My ceremony was 2:30 - ended at 3:30 and the receiving line, bubbles, champagne toast took about 25 mins - so guests were done at church by 3:55 - it was a 30 min drive to the reception which officially began at 5:30 but they were ready to receive guests by 5 - so my guests had 30-60 mins to kill.  I added an insert in my programs indicating that the hall would be ready to receive guests by 5, directions to the hall and a list of places where guests could stop if they wanted to along the way (coffee and cocktail places). Some of my guests had to stop at the hotel to check in after the ceremony - the hotel was 2 mins from church - and we provided a bus for hotel guests to go to the reception, the bus left the hotel at 4:45.
We were back in church for family photos by 3:55 and the photos took about 30 mins, we then drove to a park by the hall and got there by about 5-5:15 because a member of bridal party needed to stop at hotel for a minute and another member was bringing their own car to the hall so we stopped there to pick her up (things happen is my point). So we were at the park and before I knew it our limo driver was telling us it was 5:35 and we had ten min before going into overtime - the time taking pictures flew by - in the end I still missed 15 mins of cocktail hour and did not get all of the pictures that I wanted - we rushed to get my bustle done and it never quite got to the way it should be but didn't really have time to keep playing with it since DJ was saying it was 6:25 and to get ready for announcements - none of this ruined our day in any way but my point is time flies by that day and yes I felt rushed all day, no real time to take a deep breath and make sure my dress was right or check make up, etc. - in hindsight I wish I had given myself an additional 30 mins but I was worried about the guests and left it at an hour gap - which a small few did still  do a bit of grumbling about.
My gap did not stop anyone from attending my ceremony - out of 186 guests I believe only 15-20 guests did not make it to the church - our little church was packed and I was thrilled since I was prepared for much less.
In my opinion, the people who really love you and want to see you get married will be there no matter how far they have to travel or how long they have to wait - until posting on this board I have never heard people complain about gaps in wedding and quite frankly I think it is extremely selfish to do so - I felt this way prior to my own ceremony and now after going through it myself I feel even stronger about it - I have been to many weddings and had to wait between the ceremony and reception sometimes with nothing to do and no where to go but I never complained - my God you are adults, bring a book or a newspaper or sit and enjoy nature - suck it up, it is one day in your life and an extremely special day for someone you love, or at least you should love if you are attending their wedding - if you don't love the couple enough to spend a bit of your time sitting with nothing to do perhaps you shouldn't really be there celebrating one of the most important days of their lives with them.
Life really is too short for such complaints - can't you just be happy for the couple you are there for, truly a couple of hours with nothing to do is not going to kill anyone.
Sorry for the rant but I just really find it amazing what people find to complain about in life - we have so much and yet still complain.
Sorry, just my opinion - yes, be considerate of your guests but not at the expense of ending up with regrets - those that truly care about you will understand and those that don't will always find something to complain about.

cindy91788

The people who want to be at your ceremony will be there, regardless of how long the gap is.
If you have the option of moving it to 2, and it will make you more relaxed about the timing, then by all means do it.