Advice

Angellbabbee

Hey ladies big question for you!!! I am getting married next November however my fi has suggested us doing it this year. Reason being I was laid off a few years ago and have a year left in school. I don't have insurance but need foot surgery and other stupid medical issues. We have talked about this but he doesn't want anyone to know if we do that way we can still have our "real" wedding next year. What's your views on this? I'm not sure I have never been married and true of that day. We talked about going to Vegas so my day will still be special. My questions are do u think its bad if we keep it a secret? If we get married a year before our reception? (FYI we r getting married at our venue) and if we should do a fun crazy Vegas wedding so our "real" wedding is still special? Thank you ladies

jcg98

Yes, I think it is a bad idea to get married secretly and lie to your friends and family about it. If you go to Vegas and get married, that is your wedding. You can throw your party next November, renew your vows in front of your loved ones, etc. But please do not lie about already being married. That is just asking for trouble.

[Deleted User]

Yes, it is a bad idea to get married so you can have his insurance but then lie to everyone so you can still have your special day. That's kind of like either scamming the insurance or scamming your friends and family.

I'm not saying don't have a party later, but don't lie to people. If you get married, let people know and then have an anniversary celebration a year later or a vow renewal. But lying is just really mean to everyone you know.

(Edited for clarity)

tropicalpalmleaf

The day you get married IS the day you are officially married. If you are going to do this Vegas wedding, you shouldn't keep it a secret. If you still plan on having a wedding next year, make it known that it is a vow renewal. 

JoanE2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:c4e9fe15-f31c-404e-a770-09ae49e2ae32Post:f99949a4-7a0e-4a84-bbd6-49159b178b2c">Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey ladies big question for you!!! I am getting married next November however my fi has suggested us doing it this year. Reason being I was laid off a few years ago and have a year left in school. I don't have insurance but need foot surgery and other stupid medical issues. We have talked about this <strong>but he doesn't want anyone to know if we do that way we can still have our "real" wedding next year</strong>. What's your views on this? I'm not sure I have never been married and true of that day. We talked about going to Vegas so my day will still be special.<strong> My questions are do u think its bad if we keep it a secret?</strong> If we get married a year before our reception? (FYI we r getting married at our venue) and if we should do a fun crazy Vegas wedding so our "real" wedding is still special? Thank you ladies
Posted by Angellbabbee[/QUOTE]

So basically you want to lie to all your friends and family?  Ummmm....yeah, that's not a good idea.

HobokensFury

Bad idea.

agu101

Before you go through with an elopement, has your FI talked to his company about moving you onto his plan?  I was in a similar situation of being laid off and a full time student.  I was able to be covered under my parents insurance until my 31st b-day in May, but then I was going to have a gap between May and our Sept wedding.  My FI talked to his HR dept and he was able to do a change of status because we were living together and could be considered a "domestic partnership".  You guys may want to find out all your options first.  

Ginabean42712

I agree with everyone else.  This is lame.  I would stop being your friend if I found out.  

Ginabean42712

In fact, one of my good friends secretly got married and I only found out because she posted it on facebook.  I know the situations are a little different, but we did get into a fight about and havent spoken since.  (This was over a year ago).  Be prepared to hurt a lot of people if they find out.  

GabriellaDel86

Keep it a secret if that's what makes you you both happy. I find a lot of people have opinions who are irrelevant to the situation and they will do anything in their power to make you unhappy. It's about you and your fiance!

If you're not hung up on the religious aspect, then I say do what's best for you and your current situation. I hope you find employment soon and your surgery goes well!  

jcg98

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_advice-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:c4e9fe15-f31c-404e-a770-09ae49e2ae32Post:0fdae4c8-6d68-4718-84f9-81de830509df">Re: Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Keep it a secret if that's what makes you you both happy. I find a lot of people have opinions who are irrelevant to the situation and they will do anything in their power to make you unhappy. It's about you and your fiance!</strong> If you're not hung up on the religious aspect, then I say do what's best for you and your current situation. I hope you find employment soon and your surgery goes well!  
Posted by GabriellaDel86[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm sorry but this is terrible advice.  The whole concept of "it's about you and your fiance" stops as soon as you involve other people in your wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>There is nothing wrong with getting married now and celebrating later.  The key is not to lie about it.</div><div>
</div>

Angellbabbee

Thank you for your advice i totallyappreciated it and didnt' do it.