At what point do I assume we were uninvited?

akmackay

We got a STD for a wedding at the beginning of December months ago. It's DHs old coworker (they came to our wedding, but the December groom to be quit and moved jobs right after). It's now a month out and we have not received the invitation.

At what point would you assume you were uninvited? Or should DH ask?

felicia220

oooo, that is a weird situation.  We actually had a few people not get there invite (got lost in the mail) and we didn't know until we didn't get a response and called them and asked if they were coming or not.  Maybe it got lost in the mail.  I don't know if I would ask or not.  Yeah, I am not helpful at all, I really don't know what I would do.  

akmackay

Yeah, my one friend didn't get her invite and emailed me- saying she already bought her flight back and that she would understand if she was uninvited, but she wanted to make sure. I sent her a new invite- but she was of course still invited. She was a good friend.

This guy, however, was a friend as they were co-workers, but they hardly speak now. It would be terrible etiquette on their part, but if we're uninvited I need to know.

tparty10

Hmmm  - that is a sticky situation. I was not super prompt in getting my invites out -. I'd say hang tight for another week -- then maybe send out a floater inquiry. Is there anyone else you know who is going to the wedding -- that you could ask if they got an invite -- before approaching the couple directly??

Good luck

Danes983

Would DH be really upset if you werent invited?  Maybe you and him can do something special that night since you wont have to attend the wedding and get a gift?

peaches85

I would just ask in a sneaky kind of way... something like "Hey, H and I were talking the other day and realized we hadn't received your invitation yet.  We just got a new mailman and we've been having some issues lately with our mail being delivered to other houses, so I just want to make sure it didn't get lost." 

If they hesitate at all and you get the feeling that you're no longer invited, then just send a small gift instead of going to the wedding (since, at that point, they'll probably do a sympathy/embarrassment invitation because they'll realize they were caught).

Reilly626

I'd be happy not getting the invite- spend the money on something else!

akmackay

Peaches- I don't know them at all. Only time I've met them was at my wedding, so I can't ask. And DH feels weird asking the guy directly- and I don't blame him.

DH is going to ask the other guys at work who got a STD to see if they got invites. So awkward.

akmackay

Honestly- If we don't get the invite I'd love to go away that weekend. I'd much prefer it to a wedding where I know like 2 people. But, I couldn't tell my DH that b/c he wants to go...

peaches85

Ohhh, gotcha.  I missed that in one of your earlier posts. 

Alright then my opinion has changed.  I'd let it be.  Just assume that you're no longer invited and if you do happen to get an invitation or a call from them then just give your regrets and send a gift.  If you don't get an invitation or a call then assume you're uninvited and never think about them again, haha.

uppereastgirl

Since it doesn't sound like this is an event that you'll be sad to miss out on, I'd assume right now that you aren't invited, feel free to make other plans, and if you do end up receiving an invitation, feel free to decline (and feel free to not send a gift).

My answer would be different if this was something you seemed to be looking forward to.

akmackay

UEG- I don't want to go, but DH does and he'd be upset if we were actually uninvited. So, it's half and half of wanting to go haha

kwilkinson14

I would just sit back and assume you are not invited. If you do end up getting the invite just call with your regrets. It sounds like you want to make other plans and don't feel bad about not attending.

uppereastgirl

Yeah, I read your last follow-ups after I posted -- sorry!  I think you need to talk to him and try to get on the same page about whether you actually want to go to the wedding under these circumstances.  If you inquire with the couple about the invitation, you're very likely to be invited even if the intention was to uninvite you (and you'll never know if your invitation really was lost in the mail or if you're the two randoms that the couple wishes they had never sent an STD to and resents having at the wedding), and you'll have to attend if you receive the last-minute invitation.  I'm neurotic enough that I'd assume they didnt' want me there and wouldn't want to go.

Either way your husband has the right to be angry/hurt/upset/offended, if that makes him feel any better...

jchristel

I wouldn't ask, if they did send an invitation and it got lost, I'm assuming they'll contact you to see if you are coming or not.  If you don't get the invite and don't get that call, I'm thinking they have VERY bad manners.