First Look? (PIP if you can!)

peaches85

FI and I are trying to decide if we want to do a first look before the ceremony.  I'm gung-ho for it, but he's been waffling a bit because he really wants the moment when I walk down the aisle to be "special" (I think it'll be special, regardless, and I think it'll be good to see each other ahead of time because our nerves will be calmed a bit and we'll be able to enjoy the walk down the aisle -- as either the walker or the watcher, haha -- more).

What are your thoughts?

Also, does anyone have pictures from their first look that they'd be willing to share? 

Danes983

FI are doing this to cut down on picture time after the ceremony.  At first he was totally against it. But then we talked about it and I said if we didnt we would miss the whole cocktail hour.  Then I found a great place to take before pictures and he said he was in. Now he tells everyone how happy he is that I talked him into it.

mariaNryan

We are doing it as well to cut photo time so we can make our cocktail hr as well! We are paying for it so we might as well enjoy it was both our feelings on seeing each other before hand

[Deleted User]

We were planning to do a first look and photos before so we can attend the cocktail hour, but now Im double guessing, our ceremony is at noon(FI requested) and if we do this I am thinking of when I will have to wake up and start getting ready and now Im not sure.

USER876

I wouldn't trade the amazing feelings I experienced watching her walk down the isle for anything.  I vote NO.

lknud819

we are doing this as well, at first i was completely against it and wasn't even considering it, but the more i thought about it the more i liked the idea
first bc then you don't have to miss out on cocktail hour and also i think it will be a nice time for me and FI and calm any possible nerves we'll have that day

i still think it'll be special when i walk down the aisle or at least i hope it will be

ffbride_0813

We did it.  I am glad we did it but we also kind of did it in front of people and I wish that didnt happen.  We didnt get the traditional first look pictures where there is a surprise.  He walked across a large field to me and pretty much saw me the entire time.  Here are my pics.  http://mirkaphotographics.com/blog/?p=541
I wanted to enjoy cocktail hour with my guests.  I was at the entire cocktail hour and it still felt short.  I think both ways have good and bad parts.  For me and my husband this was the right decision.  I dont regret it. 

37 Butter Knives

I was open to doing this, because it's the modern thing to do, and because my hair and makeup will be fresher. Mostly, it's because he'd be better at calming my nerves than my bridesmaids or mom. He refuses. When we were out to dinner with a college friend, I told her my fiancé wanted to have that reaction like Billy Elliot's dad did in the movie's last scene. "EXACTLY!" he exclaimed.

Besides, it really wouldn't be possible logistically. The church is near my mom's house, which is where I'll be prepping; the boys are getting ready at a hotel about 30 minutes away, near the reception site. Since we have that dreaded Catholic gap, we'll have plenty of time to have photos taken before cocktail hour. First look seems to lend itself better to weddings that are structured differently.

There is one thing I always wondered about these pre-ceremony photos - are they done with or without the rings?

andreapnyc

i agree with USER. i like the idea of seeing each other for the first time as i'll be walking down the aisle.  its traditional.  

Heather822

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_first-look-pip-can?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:f21e0e8f-5c79-43c5-a869-dce2d03f589fPost:57a57b97-2cac-434e-b255-06d9ec17d92d">Re: First Look? (PIP if you can!)</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't trade the amazing feelings I experienced watching her walk down the isle for anything.  I vote NO.
Posted by USER876[/QUOTE]

<font color="#008080">Agreed. Both DH & I were adamantly against seeing each other before the ceremony.
Some things just can be *re created*.
PS: We also able to attend the majority of cocktail hour, as we took our 'separate pics' BEFORE the ceremony.</font>

mbcdefg

We were willing to do it either way, but because of logistics we just did the whole walking down the aisle thing. I've never heard anyone complain that they regretted doing the first look prior to the ceremony, for what it's worth.

We don't have a pro photo of MH's reaction as I'm walking down the aisle, though

37 Butter Knives

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_first-look-pip-can?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:f21e0e8f-5c79-43c5-a869-dce2d03f589fPost:1162eac7-75b5-48ed-8a16-aedfa61117f4">Re: First Look? (PIP if you can!)</a>:
[QUOTE]i agree with USER. i like the idea of seeing each other for the first time as i'll be walking down the aisle.  its traditional.  
Posted by andreapnyc[/QUOTE]

I really hate the "because it's traditional" rationale - it seems so simplistic, and as though there was no thought put into doing things. (I'll be blunt: It seems a lot of couples who do things "because it's traditional" end up with boring-ass cookie-cutter weddings.)

But sometimes, things are called traditional because they work, or because they make sense. As FH points out, M. Night Shyamalan strives to not do things "traditionally," and his films are crap. ;)

kellybee83

Butter Knives, I have the same situation.  I love the idea of staying in my bed at home the night before and getting ready at my house, (fiance always "corrects me and says "your parents house"...I don't think it's wrong that I have two places I call home!) which is 5 minutes from the church.  He is getting ready at the hotel near the reception site as well, about 20 minutes away,   
He is opposed to the first look as well.  He doesn't like how it usually consists on the bride tapping the groom on the shoulder (although people can do whatever they would like).  He thinks the groom doesn't get a full view of the bride and it doesn't have the same effect of when she walks down the aisle getting closer and closer. 
We will have the "dreaded Catholic gap" as well.  What time is your ceremony and reception?  Right now ours are at 4pm & 6:30pm.  We are probably going to push the start of cocktail back to 7pm. 

37 Butter Knives

Ceremony will start at 2:30, cocktail hour is at 6:30. This is largely because we're doing this on a Saturday and have to clear out before evening mass. Are you getting married on a Friday?

I'm very surprised (based on the totally unscientific data presented in this thread) that more men seem opposed to first look than women!

G&G2010

We did first look and took pics before ceremony. FI was still teary-eyed when I walked down the aisle so I don't think it took away from the ceremony.  

It was nice to see each other and share a few moments "alone" (along with the photographer, videographer & a few on-lookers!)  I don't regret it. 

kwilkinson14

My FI and I are not going with the whole first look. We want to see each other for the first time walking down the aisle towards each other. Yes, maybe it's traditional but if that what works for us then I'm okay with being called traditional. We do have enought time inbetween the ceremony and the beginning of cocktail hour so that will not be a problem for us.

ellev

What is the "dreaded Catholic gap"? I was just at a Catholic wedding on a Friday night that had a long gap but I thought it was just to get from the ceremony in the 'burbs to the reception in the city.

I really want to see the look on my FH's face when I enter the church. I'm contemplating doing the "separate" pics first so we can still make cocktail hour and then... I wonder if I could stop back by the salon to have my makeup freshened up before the ceremony.

uppereastgirl

Butter Knives, I'm actually not surprised -- I think men have a much lower tolerance for things that are silly or cheesy or cutesy or contrived.  They can put up with a lot of stuff because it is tradition and they're used to it and they've seen it many times before so they don't think about it.  But I wouldn't expect my husband to be too happy with a proposal to have a photo shoot where he has to stand facing away from everyone like he's in time out, and then he has to wait to have me sneak up on him and tap him on the shoulder, and then the photographer will take photos of him reacting to seeing me.  I'm sure my husband would think that's stupid.

Heather822

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_first-look-pip-can?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:f21e0e8f-5c79-43c5-a869-dce2d03f589fPost:7d1ccc35-8b8c-45de-acc7-9f3c18a9feca">Re: First Look? (PIP if you can!)</a>:
[QUOTE]Butter Knives, I'm actually not surprised -- I think men have a much lower tolerance for things that are silly or cheesy or cutesy or contrived.  They can put up with a lot of stuff because it is tradition and they're used to it and they've seen it many times before so they don't think about it.  <strong>But I wouldn't expect my husband to be too happy with a proposal to have a photo shoot where he has to stand facing away from everyone like he's in time out, and then he has to wait to have me sneak up on him and tap him on the shoulder, and then the photographer will take photos of him reacting to seeing me.  I'm sure my husband would think that's stupid.
</strong>Posted by uppereastgirl[/QUOTE]

<font color="#008080">Agreed... I think "first look pics" often look less natural for this reason ~ the guy KNOWS they are just going through the actions, so his *genuine* first look face is captured on film... and he becomes hyper aware of the face he makes, and ends up looking posed.
Whereas when they watch the bride come down the aisle, they are more in the moment, and the face they make is more their own.</font>

andreapnyc

i totally agree, uppereast!

Ellev- after the ceremony, you could have your make up girl come to your venue where you are taking pictures before the cocktail hour and freshen you up.

rlb81

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_first-look-pip-can?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:f21e0e8f-5c79-43c5-a869-dce2d03f589fPost:7d1ccc35-8b8c-45de-acc7-9f3c18a9feca">Re: First Look? (PIP if you can!)</a>:
[QUOTE]But I wouldn't expect my husband to be too happy with a proposal to have a photo shoot where <strong>he has to stand facing away from everyone like he's in time out, and then he has to wait to have me sneak up on him and tap him on the shoulder,</strong> and then the photographer will take photos of him reacting to seeing me.  I'm sure my husband would think that's stupid.
Posted by uppereastgirl[/QUOTE]
This made me laugh :) and the whole act of it just seems so awkward.

We didn't do "first look" and were very happy with our decision. I didn't think it was necessary to take pictures beforehand so that we could/could not attend our cocktail hour. Walking down the aisle was more important to me.

I think this is a personal decision that every couple has to make on their own, since it seems like everyone has a strong opinion.

peaches85

Oh boy, now I'm the one who's waffling!  Ughhhh!  Haha.  Looks like FI might get his way.

Alright, so here's my next question... another reason why I was hoping to do a first look was so that we could get the majority (if not all) of the pictures out of the way so we could attend the cocktail hour.  We have no gap between the ceremony and reception since they're both at the same place.

What would you suggest to do in order to make the best use of time before and/or after the ceremony so that we can get the pictures done but also enjoy the better part of the cocktail hour?

Heather822

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_first-look-pip-can?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:f21e0e8f-5c79-43c5-a869-dce2d03f589fPost:ee3890e0-4bbb-4943-a4c1-510d2eef6f53">Re: First Look? (PIP if you can!)</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh boy, now I'm the one who's waffling!  Ughhhh!  Haha.  Looks like FI might get his way. Alright, so here's my next question... another reason why I was hoping to do a first look was so that we could get the majority (if not all) of the pictures out of the way so we could attend the cocktail hour.  We have no gap between the ceremony and reception since they're both at the same place. <strong>What would you suggest to do in order to make the best use of time before and/or after the ceremony so that we can get the pictures done but also enjoy the better part of the cocktail hour?
</strong>Posted by peaches85[/QUOTE]

<font color="#008080">BEFORE CEREMONY: We took pics separately with our families & bridal party (just had a BM & MOH so this didn't take long).

FIRST 20 MIS OR SO OF COCTAIL HOURS: We took pics together as a couple, and a couple more with BM & MOH.

DURING ONE OF THE DINNER COURSES (MAYBE INTERMEZZO? DON'T REMEMBER): Took pics together with each of our families. Again, took maybe 20 mins.

*Its important to make people aware of plans like this in advance, so you don't waste time tracking people down. Thats where most of your time gets lost.</font>

peaches85

Heather - Did you have two photographers?  We only have one, so would it be logistically possible to get separate photos done before the ceremony?

I think what makes me the most scared about everything is that FI's family is habitually late to EVERYTHING.  I've begged and pleaded with them in the past to be somewhere on time and they just can't... it's like it's nataurally ingrained in them to be late.  I always tell them that they run on LT (Latino Time), haha.  Anyway, I think that's probably going to be the most stressful part of my day.  I'm already dreading it...

uppereastgirl

We did exactly what Heather said.  We had two photographers.

nmoscoe

We originally were not going to do a first look before the ceremony, but then we decided to for a few reasons. We're both pretty big cry babies, and preferred to have our crying scene between the two of us, instead of in front of everyone. Also helped with nerves. We didn't want to squeeze in all the pictures during cocktail hour, we wanted to enjoy ourselves. Probably the biggest deciding factor was the actual pictures. Our ceremony was at 6:30, if we did our pictures afterwards it would have been dark out. We love our photographer, especially the pictures during daylight. It didn't make sense for us to spend all that money to not have the pictures that we wanted. If daylight wasn't an issue, we may not have done it, I'm not sure.
Here's our pictures, we're very happy with them. Sorry if they're too big, don't know how to shrink them.

Heather822

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_first-look-pip-can?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:f21e0e8f-5c79-43c5-a869-dce2d03f589fPost:33226734-1ddb-49ff-ba34-4e5f3e7e3079">Re: First Look? (PIP if you can!)</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Heather - Did you have two photographers?</strong>  <strong>We only have one, so would it be logistically possible to get separate photos done before the ceremony?</strong> I think what makes me the most scared about everything is that FI's family is habitually late to EVERYTHING.  I've begged and pleaded with them in the past to be somewhere on time and they just can't... it's like it's nataurally ingrained in them to be late.  I always tell them that they run on LT (Latino Time), haha.  Anyway, I think that's probably going to be the most stressful part of my day.  I'm already dreading it...
Posted by peaches85[/QUOTE]

<font color="#008080">Nope ~ just one. He was able to handle both himself.
</font>
<font color="#008080">Also, give immediate fam members (anyone you want photographed a lot in general) either a corsage or wristlet. We did this, and when the photograoher saw them he new to focus on them throughout the night.</font>

peaches85

Okay great!  So then it's doable with just one photographer.  Thanks!

reese511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_first-look-pip-can?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:f21e0e8f-5c79-43c5-a869-dce2d03f589fPost:7d1ccc35-8b8c-45de-acc7-9f3c18a9feca">Re: First Look? (PIP if you can!)</a>:
[QUOTE]Butter Knives, I'm actually not surprised -- I think men have a much lower tolerance for things that are silly or cheesy or cutesy or contrived.  They can put up with a lot of stuff because it is tradition and they're used to it and they've seen it many times before so they don't think about it.  <strong>But I wouldn't expect my husband to be too happy with a proposal to have a photo shoot where he has to stand facing away from everyone like he's in time out, and then he has to wait to have me sneak up on him and tap him on the shoulder, and then the photographer will take photos of him reacting to seeing me.</strong>  I'm sure my husband would think that's stupid.
Posted by uppereastgirl[/QUOTE]

not all "first look" photos happen this way.  there are so many options....and it can be a private moment between the bride and groom.  the entire WP does not need to be watching it.
its all a matter of preference and logistics.

EDIT:  we WERE going to do 1st look pics...because our ceremony & recp. were going to be in the same place - and we didnt want to miss our cocktail hour to take photos...and we didnt want our WP to have to miss it either.  but we changed our ceremony location and added a break in between so we're not doing them.  but if we hadnt switched things around...first look pics would have made a lot more sense.  if i told my FI that he had to miss the cocktail hour to take photos w/ me he'd be pretty upset.  but like i said...its all a matter of preference.

reese511

Peaches:  here is the link to a wedding by my photographer - you can see the first look photos and its really a beautiful moment between the b&g.

http://www.brionhopkins.com/#/ithaca--ny/

goaliegirl

We did a first look before the ceremony and it was great, the look on my husbands face was priceless and something I will never forget.    Honestly, when i was walking down the aisle I was almost in tears and all I was thinking about was getting down the aisle, I didn't even see the look on his face.    We do have pictures though and his look is priceless as well when I was walking down the aisle, and he told me that it was still special seeing me walk down that aisle even after seeing me already. so you can still get that special feeling when walking down the aisle after seeing each other.

We had our ceremony and reception in the same place and had NO gap in between.  we wanted to attend our cocktail hour so we did it this way.    I am so glad we did because we got to spend time with our guests who were there for us and that was important to me!