We're a Bridesmaid down!

Ray_Ray

I've been getting a little bit stressed about my youngest sister as she insisted on ordering a bridesmaids dress which was 2 sizes too small and has since done nothing to lose the weight...Anyway, I have just had a message from her to say that she's not coming now as she can't afford it (i.e. she hasn't bothered to save). So now, we are a bridesmaid down and my other sister and my friend are a person short in their roomFamily!

mloeks

i've had drama with my sister so she won't be attendng my wedding. i feel for you. i am starting to feel like weddings bring out the worst in people...

easton23

I am so sorry.  It sucks thats family on top of it.  If one more family member tells me how much money they are having to spend for my wedding i'm going to lose it.

vegas101709

It sucks that they didn't bother to save even though you've told them months in advance.  I thought my sis wouldn't be able to make it either (she's my MOH), because she hasn't been able to save money.  At some point she even asked if she can borrow from me for the plane tickets (I said no...I don't care...if they didn't bother to save the money, I don't care if they're there).  If she was unemployed, I would have lent it to her but her and her husband makes so much, their problem is that they don't know how to save and I'm sick and tired of people that have money trying to borrow from me because they can't manage their own.

atlcatlover

mloeks - I wholeheartedly agree that weddings bring out the worst in people.  I loved every minute of my wedding weekend, but wouldn't do it again for anything.We were just discussing last night how disappointed we were with some of the folks that didn't make it to our wedding.  We gave them 7-8 months notice and it just wasn't a priority for them and it's too bad.  Try to remember it's their loss.  When our friends saw our pictures their first words were "we should have been there."

Lowie77

OMG,... stressing is def in order. I'm sorry. Unfortunatley it will probably hinder your relationship but I would talk with her honestly and see if she realizes how important it is all around for her to be there. Good luck. I feel you though my cousin decided to make another huge commitment that put her out of the wedding and out of state for my wedding. Unfortunatley you have to come back to it's all about you and your FI. Even if everything else goes horribly wrong.Laura

thrashtobe

her loss hayley, she will so jealous when she sees your pic and hasnt made the effort to go.  i dont get people who cant save money! Its a once in a lifetime oppuntity !

Ray_Ray

To be honest, I've been expecting it. I think she thought we'd pay for her but as she hasn't attempted to save a penny, it's a definite no!She's not speaking to my Mum because she and her partner got married in secret 3 weeks ago and my sister said it was selfish (between them they have 7 children, 4 grandchildren and another on the way, spread all over England and the continent, while they live in France- I really don't blame them!) Otherwise I'm sure she'd be asking her for a handout! My eldest sister has volunteered to be bidesmaid but that involves swapping dresses with my MOH and maybe having panels put in (which I think may look odd). I'm not worried about the dress- I was going to keep it for myself! It's more the fact that she was supposed to be doing all of our hair so now I have to pay for someone, and here is a mad rush to find someone to take her place in the room that they have booked. Ultimately, she's the one missing out and I'm sure she'll regret not having the willpower to put the money aside in time. I'd be gutted if I were in her position!

linds.0151

I had the same thing happen to me one of my bridesmaids let me down to so now i am only having one bridesmaid after paying out for all the stuff, never mind life is too short to let it get you down. I can only say this now after all my upset! x

Jasca

I had a very similar experience with my maid of honor (said yes, then a few months later... said she couldn't afford it). I can totally understand not having the funds, but one just figures that people usually know this stuff when they say yes. Unless there's some major unpredictable expense, I don't see a reason to not know if you'll have the funds or not. But my fiance's best man also had to back out (due to work), so we're both down a person, and we dealt with it (asked other friends to step in). It sucks, and is stressful, but I'm glad to deal with it now and not like a week before the wedding or something.

mloeks

We told both sets of parents that we were getting married in August 2008...and that we had set the date and everything. Gave them 14 months to save. FI's parents have not saved anything...It is as if they expect us to pay if we want them there.We are already paying for our own wedding - not that I'm gritching - but people seem to expect us to pay for things right and left. And, frankly, I've felt a little cheated by my mom because we are having a Vegas wedding, she seems as if she doesn't feel like she needs to put forth the effort and help that she did for my sister's wedding. Today, for example, after she told me she would pay for the dress and anything related to it, she stuck me with the alterations. Good thing that I was actually counting on her to do that, as she has fallen through on a few other things (she has decided to take my sister's side, who ditched me on a bridal shower that I ended up footing the bill for), but it still makes me a little upset.OK, so there is my gritching! Well, 2nd round. Lol.

Ray_Ray

It seems as some people are seeing our respective weddings as a family holiday! She has now just messaged again saying she is 90% sure she can come but won't have the money til September. So she is going to cancel her place and book something later if she can afford it... forget about me sorting out her bridesmaids dress, flowers, accessories, finding someone to do my hair if she doesn't come and my sister and friend being put out with their booking!I'm pretty sure she's expecting me to say I'll lend her the money but no way! I wouldn't mind if she had made an effort, but she's in Greece for the summer, supposed to be working, but decided she couldn't be bothered so hasn't got a job out there! And my eldest sister's husband is so lovely he's already said to Emma tht he'd lend Kate the money- she told him that there is no way she'll let him!

sarahlou1982

She sounds v.annoying!  My sisters like that, shes my bm but hasnt done a thing to sort my hen do - now is bitching about what has been planned....  You sound like your wise to her re the money! x  

thrashtobe

why not sort some else to do your hair and make up and that way before you go you wont be stressing. sounds like she is going to be messing you around and all that. I feel for you hayley, its not right when people mess you around when you put that much effort into one day.

Ray_Ray

I've just told her to let us know ASAP what she's doing as we can't just leave everything til the last minute- this is our wedding after all! I've got too much else on my plate to let her indecisiveness bother me anymore!That's charming Sarah- if she wants a say she should have helped out with the plans! With my hair, one of my BMs is going to have a play soon as she is pretty good and I don't want anything too complicated. If we can't do it ourselves I'm going to book someone

matilda1215

Good to know I'm not the only one with sister issues! My sisters, whom after I told I wasn't having a bridal party because it was going to be enough paying for a plane ticket and hotel room, make a big deal about being in the wedding and all. So I said fine, but that it was their decision. Have either one of them had any desire to help or ask if I need anything or even be a little excited for the wedding? No, No andddd No. In fact about a week or so ago, the youngest one (supposed MOH) tells me that she's tired of hearing me talk about the wedding and that's all I think about and now she doesn't care about it at all. Well then. I'm getting married in December....so leaves about five months for stuff the clear up. If not, I'm thinking of writing her a check for the dress and asking, well telling, her she's not in it. I don't want people in or at my wedding who aren't happy to be there.

Ray_Ray

Oh God that's awful! It's so hard isn't it? You want to tell them to shove it but then the added stress of a family row is the last thing you need!

thrashtobe

i know it gets on my nerves when people think your over the top, but itell you what a wedding does take over your life for a while.