Vent: Bridesmaids

vegas101709

I only have two (my sis and my future sis in law) and I'm having problems getting them together to look for a dress.  It's my own fault though.  My sis asked if I can pay for her dress and she'll pay me back, and I opened my mouth about how come she didn't bother to save the money for it, so now she refuses to join us to look at BM dresses and wants to shop on her own.So now we're fighting back and forth via email and through my mother.  I complain about how come she keeps borrowing money from me when she and her husband both have good salaries.  She complains about how I make her feel like crap.Makes me want to just get rid of the bridal party altogether and just have me, fiance, and the minister at the altar.

Ray_Ray

Oh God! Well, as she is refusing to even come shopping with you, I'd ask how she expects to be able to be bridesmaid on the day?!I I were you, I'd tell her when you are going shopping and say that if she wants to be a part of your day, she will be there. If she doesn't she won't

jusstice

I think you might be better off with just your sis in law and a best man, to be honest.  Less drama is best. Incidentally, if she won't pay for a dress, how exactly is she going to pay for  the trip?? Honestly, I don't know you or your sister so please don't take offense,  but sometimes weddings bring out the worst in people.  Right now, from what you've said, it seems like your sis is not all about making your experience a happy one for you or your mom.  I would just say, forget it. Tell your sis in law to get something pretty in your wedding color and have her stand up with you if you want a bm.  This way, you won't have to deal with any drama from sis when all of the sudden she can't afford the plane ticket or can't take the time off from  work or whatever else may potentially happen on your wedding day, because I truly get the feeling something will.

matilda1215

I know how you feel! I told both my sisters (20, 22) that FI and I weren't having a bridal party because we didn't want anyone putting out anymore money since they'd have to put out for plane and hotel. (Secretly it's because I didn't want to deal with drama Shhhh! haha) Well they both started crying and said they had to be up there with me. Fine you're in then.  Well the youngest one wants nothing to do with the wedding. It was a struggle to get her to go try on three dresses, the last time I asked to show her something about the wedding I got a nasty sigh and a roll of the eyes (April), she apparently told my parents that me talking about the wedding aggrivates her and she doesn't care about it anymore. So I told my parents that if it keeps going...she'll get a check for her dress and that'll be the end of it.  And I laugh because this was her choice to be in it lol. Not mine! I say don't fight about anything that has to do with your wedding. If you have to make it very black and white for her....either she's going to be supportive and be a bridesmaid or she's not because you can not have this stress in your wedding. Let her make the decision. Tell her no hard feelings if she can't afford to be in it .

Chaotickiss

I didn't have a bridal party, mostly because I didn't want to add any expenses to my 2 sisters who were traveling for the wedding.     Less to stress about! (hair/makeup/jewellry/shoes/flowers/dresses etc) for them. I don't rec dropping your sister and keeping your SIL.....(without asking sis first if she wants to step down)..... just put the petty crap aside.   Obviously your sis is struggling abit for whatever reason with money. If you're lending your lending but try keep the judgement to yourself.   Good Luck!

pamila51510

I have to agree with people above. If she can't afford a dress then how is she going to afford to fly and stay at a hotel. She is struggling with money this may adding another stressor in her life.  You may just want to talk to her and say something to the effect that you would like her at your wedding but if being in the wedding party is causing issues financially then its ok for her to step down.  Giving her the option to either jump on board or head for the hills. Good Luck family is tough!!!

stinkerbell6879

I was having a hard time deciding if I wanted a "Bridal Party" because of the same thing...."Can the person afford the extra added expense or would I be willing to expand my budget to cover it?" that is why I concluded to let my girls just pick any dress they want and gave them a color scheme....But, as far as your situation, that would make me very upset! If she is going to be involved at the ceremony, then she needs to be involve in the rest of the process, IMO

Silverlegacyga

I am only having my two SIL stand in my wedding as well as my future neice as a jr bridesmaid. I am not having my sister stand beside me for the fact that she tries to trun everything about her! I am her Maid of Honor, and have asked what I can do to help with her wedding. She doesnt tell me crap, so I just sit back and relax. She hasnt told me anything about a dress or nothing so Im just going by the seat of my pants. Its fustrating and Im in the middle of both sides. FYI she does not know yet that she is not in my wedding partyas my wedding is 2 years out! I feel your pain, but the way I look at it, if she cannot be civil and mature forget it. (it took me years to learn this and still have not mastered it but because I am marrying my best friend he shows me how much happier I am without always having my sister there)

thrashtobe

just wanted to let you know vegas101709 you getting married the day we fly in . getting close now and getting very excited

mloeks

i purposefully only have a moh (my daughter) and a best man (fbil) to avoid drama about money and friendship and other things.i did ask my sister to be my personal attendant and after problems with her backing out (weddings do bring out the worst in people i think), i have since asked another friend in her place after certain things. i only want a peaceful, happy wedding day!

vegas101709

Thanks everyone!  I really should have just kept my mouth shut and just said I can't lend you the money instead of saying "why didn't you bother saving for the dress."  it was just something that's been building up since it's not the first time she's borrowed.   I still don't know what I will do but thanks for all the advice!