Did anyone else get a guilt trip?

StessFreeBride

I know I don't post on here very often, but my feelings are hurt and I need some advice on how to respond. This is very long! I am sorry!My fiance and I have been together for eight years. I have come to know his family, obviously, and money has always been an issue for them. They use money so much of the time as an excuse not to do things, etc, but then when they do have money they blow it on the stupidest things:) Fiance is not like this, but his parents and siblings definitely are. FI's mom and dad are divorced. Before we got engaged in April FI told his dad we were thinking about getting married in Vegas and to start saving. His dad was happy, said he wouldn't miss it for the world. He is doing better financially, and even gifted us our plane tickets as a wedding gift! FI's bro was also very excited and has been saving up to go as well. So, basically FI's aunt e-mailed me giving me her long and drawn out story about why she won't be able to go unless she has family to stay with. She also tells me that we should be paying for FI's mom and sister to fly out there as well as for their hotels. She says that we should consider having the wedding somewhere else so that more people can attend or that we should "look to having a smaller wedding" We ARE having a small wedding! That is the point for going to Vegas! She also said that if we are paying for the flights and hotels for people to let her know so that she can make her plans to be there!I have met this woman twice in my entire life and don't understand why she feels the need to unload this on me. I know I need to let FI handle it, but I just SO MUCH want to write her back and tell her that 35 of our 40 guests have already responded yes via mail or phone and that if people want to be there, than hopefully they will make it. Note: The only reason why aunt was even invited was because FI's mom INSISTED on it, saying she wanted her sisters to be at her son's wedding. Maybe I need to turn off my bitter.

matilda1215

No you shouoldn't be paying for FI mom and sister to fly out.  And wow with the comment about paying for others and adding her to the list. Oh and the comment about how you should change your wedding. Please do NOT allow this person to influence or change anything about your wedding. Does your FI know about this? Def. let him know and see if he'll handle it before you email her back. You gave more than six months notice about your wedding in order for them and everyone else to save up money if they wanted to attend. My only advice to you is do not lose sight that this is your wedding. It's about you and your FI. And just like you said....35/40 people are coming!!If you want to respond I would suggest something simple like "FI and I would love for you to attend our special day. However if you can not we understand." Something nice and polite that really doesn't respond to her crap comments.

atlcatlover

I am continually amazed at how weddings bring out the worst in people.I am glad that you are having the wedding that you and FI want.  That is what it should be.  And quite frankly, if you give someone notice and they can't make it, that is on them, not you.  I had an aunt and 2 very close friends not come, and every one of them regrets it to this day.Let FI handle it, and come here to vent and we'll remind you how wonderful your wedding is going to be and how you will enjoy every minute of it.

mloeks

We have similar situation. FI's parents are not planning to come...FI has helped them financially through the years, but I have told him that we have our own family  to think about.We told everyone over a year ago that we were getting married and that we were getting married in Vegas. In the meantime, FI's mom and dad have not saved any money. I think they are expecting someone to foot the bill - if FI isn't able to help, they have 3 other kids they lay their pity party on. I have watched his mom blow money on stupid things over the last year. We will not be helping. We are not helping my parents with costs, we are not helping them.I don't feel bad. We gave everyone plenty of time, from my brother who I doubt will be coming because he does similar things to FI's parents. I will concentrate on my day and celebrating! We have just had repeated situations where our wedding seems to be bringing out the worst in people and we are planning on not losing sight of the wedding.As for your FI handling the issue, I make my FI handle issues with his mother, etc. She wouldn't like anything I said if I handled it. LOL.

Ray_Ray

My FIs parents are also terrible with money. We gave everyone over 1 years notice that we were getting married in Vegas and straight away they said they couldn't afford it. Then at Christmas his Dad bought a brand new computer worth over £1500 evan though he has a PC and 2 laptops (he works as a painter/decorator so it's hardly vital to his job- he just likes gadgets).THEN they booked a holiday in Turkey with FMIL brother and family (which also happened to mean that they missed FIs 30th Birthday party).Every time we went round there he would bring it up and tell us how upset FIs Mum was. It got to the point where I couldn't bear visiting them. Eventually, FIs brother went round and told them how awful it was that they weren't going but could afford all of this other stuff and that they should either save up to go or stop moaning!So now they have booked! Though of course he still moans about paying for it at every opportunity...And then there's my younger sister that had booked up, I had bought her bridesmaids dress, and then I get a message saying she can't afford it (code for: I haven't bothered to save up). I know she expected us to lend her the money but the way I see it, it's OUR wedding, we have loads of other things to pay for (like entertaining everybody on the day of) and I don't see why we or our other guests should miss out on things because certain people can't prioritise their financesNo way should you be paying for anybody- especially an Aunt you have met twice!

jendbiker

I agree with the posters above. The only person we are paying for is one of my grandmothers. She is a widow, and on a fixed income living in Tennessee. We want here there, and completely understand that she cannot afford it on her own. As far as our parents, other grandparents and everyone else, they are all paying their own way if they can come. We can barely afford the wedding, much less flying people out! lol

thrashtobe

that woman has some cheek! espically if you hardly know her. i agree if above your DAY you get married whenever you want invite whoever you want there to share your special day with.  

Jpaw30

I did get the guilt trip from my FI's mom. I did not let it bother me at all. Vegas is what me and my FI decided to do and we were not going to change our minds. Money is an issue too as well for his mom and I know that if we would have had the wedding at home we would not be able to afford it because than his mom would have wanted to invite everyone. Just try to not let those things get to you and keep planning what you want to do.

Chaotickiss

.... know I need to let FI handle it, but I just SO MUCH want to write her back and tell her that 35 of our 40 guests have already responded yes via mail or phone and that if people want to be there, than hopefully they will make it. You're correct in having FI deal with it, have him copy and paste that into an email!  Along with a line about how you guys understand not everyone can afford it and that's unfortunate but you know they'll be there in spirit.  Heh. I would have in a heartbeat paid for our parents to attend IF they couldn't afford to, but that wasn't the case.   Holy Balls this woman.  Telling you where/how to spend your money.

pamila51510

Wow!  I have to say this is my home town lived here for 9 years now.  I don't have family here and they are flying in from all over. It amazes me how they think that I should be footing the bill for certain things like their transportation. It is not my job to make sure that they have transport where do people think that is ok other than vegas?  I so understand where you are coming from.

tanyamar

I TOTALLY got a guilt trip for having a destination wedding. Some of my family flat out said NO just because I was going away!! But don't let it bother you too much. You have WAY too many other important things than to let "some lady" rent space in your head. As pp said, the woman has some nerve telling you what to do with your hard earned money! Take a deep breath & remember, you only met her twice. Really how many other times are you going to see her??

jenniferceline

I definitely got a guilt trip because not only is it a destination wedding for which people have to pay to go to, but my family has never been to Las Vegas... so I think it's intimidating.I had to laugh at this comment..."...She says that we should consider having the wedding somewhere else so that more people can attend or that we should "look to having a smaller wedding" We ARE having a small wedding!..."My mom said the same thing. "Are you sure you don't want to save some money and have it at home or in Seattle instead of a fancy Vegas wedding?" I live in Seattle and my family lives in West Virginia/Maryland. I'm paying for my entire wedding... Vegas IS my way of saving money! If they were paying for it, then I may consider a wedding back home that more people can afford. However, this is MY hard-earned money going toward the wedding... so FI and I want to have it in the place that we love... Las Vegas!We've only been engaged for about two months now, so I imagine that as reality sets in for everyone that we're REALLY doing it in Las Vegas, I'm SURE we'll get plenty more guilt trips. Oh well.

btooth85

I've been dealing with the guilt trips since FI and I got engaged - 7 months later I'm still hearing it.  We had visited LV last year around September and decided we were getting married there at MB.  We told most of the family, but after we got engaged in January everyone freaked (....guess they didn't take us very seriously  haha).  We gave our guests 8 months notice that we would be having a destination wedding.  I understand that things are tight for everyone right now, but Vegas ISN'T that expensive.  Save $25 a week for 8 months and the trip is paid for.  I don't feel guilty and my response to those not coming is "We're sorry you can't make it, but we understand."  We've given plenty of notice to our guests, and I won't let their attitudes ruin our day.Don't feel guilty.... I'm sure guests not attending will regret it after everythings all over. 

fayla79

BOO FOR THIS AUNT! I am sorry she is causing you stress.  FI's parent's don't have the money to come, but don't really have a burning desire to come anyway.  (there's an aversion to traveling and FI has just accepted it, so I have as well) What is her relation to your FI anyway? I mean, obviously aunt, but are they close, does he even like her, etc?  i  agree that you should let him handle the situation, but that is quite brazen of her. Don't let her spoil your mood or cast a shadow on YOUR wedding!

stinkerbell6879

OMG!!! I think almost all of have had SOMEONE who try's to guilt us into changing the plans....Which it SO not an ok thing, the wedding is supposed to be about the Bride & Groom, no the guest, not too sound BRIDZILLAish, But I guess it's the fact that people should be supportive NO MATTER what of two people who are making that next step! Well....Thank Goodness I more supportive people than negative, it has helped me stay focused! Good Luck and don't worry about an Aunt that you will hardly see anyways! hehe

StessFreeBride

Ladies, Thank you SO MUCH for your support. You all are awesome. I will definitely have FI deal with it. He was ticked at her as well and was like "what the ???" when I told him. He has been telling me that he didn't even want her there to begin with, and why does she need to start problems, etc? They have never been close, and he wasn't going to invite that part of the family at all, but his mom insisted.I think what hurt my feelings the most is that it got me paranoid like people are talking about us behind our backs like "Can you believe they EXPECT us to spend THAT KIND OF MONEY?" Does that make sense? It just made me sad, because I am always there for other people, and I want people to come have fun in Vegas with us! We live in NC. His family lives in IN, and my family lives in IN, CO, SC, NE- basically everywhere, so no matter where we get married people would be out money for travel.

matilda1215

If anyone really is reacting that way...hope they don't come to the wedding...haha.It's awesome that your FI has your back with the whole situation.  We've had issues with his side inviting people who weren't invited to the wedding or thinking that it's okay for them to bring dates. (UGH) Luckily he's supported me in everything I've said to his family (it was polite at first.....the last time not so much). You've got a lot of support surrounding you and that's what you want to surround yourself with. (Try and block her email address LOL)

RCLARO

FI's mom just went in for a guilt trip saying that we are excluding a lot of people...and that she wouldve help out if it was a money issue whaaaaaaaat?!??! We went to you to see what your contribution would be and you acted all strapped...ugh.....plus now you wanna bring it up...30 days left...pleaaaaaaasssse. They better be glad FI is thinking about the AHR..cause to tell you the truth..I dont really have to have one......

matilda1215

On a random note that I'm sure some of you could relate to: When BS like this happens it's when I say to my FI "Baby you sure you just don't want to do Vegas by ourselves....it'd be soooooo romantic" hahaha  

StessFreeBride

fi already suggested we go to vegas by ourselves:) It is tempting!