Not providing dinner?

stinkerbell6879 · September 2009

I am also going to have to agree with the "cutting" of the guest list part....I know that I said if you are doing the more "formal" situation then yeah, feed the guest! but.....I know that I have had the problem of making the guest list and....Someone else has decided to bring someone extra! because "It's Vegas" and I had to forego the nicer dinner to try and acommode this....Which is not fair, but am I supposed to tell people "NO" travel alone and have other guest mad at me? I think not....So we scaled down the food and drinks....

ALICAL · September 2009

I found this entire thread very interesting and thought I would share what I am planning on doing right now and get your opinions.Our very small wedding in Vegas turned out to be bigger than we were expecting and I think we will have about 30-35 people there. I am having a "Welcome to Vegas" type thing Friday night where we will be providing drinks/food for everyone. Our wedding is the next day (Saturday) at 4:00 followed by a cocktail reception from 6:30-8:00 with appetizers, drinks and cake. After that we were planning on going to dinner with whoever wanted to go, but not paying for it (this was clear on the activities card provided to those that were invited to Vegas). While I would love to pay for that dinner as well, the fact is we are having a full blown reception for everyone (those invited to Vegas and all our other family/friends) when we get back to Dallas with drinks, food, dancing, etc. What does everyone think about this? Do you think we are doing enough for our Vegas guests?

stinkerbell6879 · September 2009

I think you are!

Savannah6783 · September 2009

ALICAL - I think what you are doing is perfect!

Knottie_22383111 · September 2009

I 100% agree with aerinpegadrak and chaotickiss. I would never imagine inviting guests to any wedding, destination or not, without providing food and beverage. Just rude, IMHO. It may not be cheap to throw a wedding, but being a guest and paying for airfare and hotel isn't either.

mloeks · September 2009

I don't think I'm a "Disney Princess" because I don't make a bride fell bad when she asks if doing a dessert reception or an appetizer reception is a good way to save money. I compared notes with other brides - NOT Knot brides - that got married in Vegas. (I mention that because I have found that brides on the Knot can make me feel very bad or make me want things that just are not in our budget. (Those are the real Disney Princesses in my book...So I asked for other brides input.) None of those brides hosted receptions in Vegas. Not ONE out of FIVE. Two were my son-to-be -in-laws. And I know their families, they didn't find them to be cheap. Or rude. Or nasty. They all were there to enjoy the day with their family members. We have people of all income levels coming to our wedding, not one has expressed dismay to myself or any other relative or friend that we are having a cake and cocktails reception verses a full meal. My FI and I have been hit with 2 wage cuts this year and other circumstances. I don't feel bad that we have planned the best wedding we can, even if it isn't a Disney fairy tale wedding.

Savannah6783 · September 2009

Out of the girls who think it is rude to not feed your guests, how many are paying/paid for the complete wedding themselves? just curious.

stinkerbell6879 · September 2009

Savannah6783 - LOL!!! OMG!!! I bet maybe 50% of them...I am def not on the list of those getting money from family! this is go to get interesting...

aerinpegadrak · September 2009

Yes, my parents each offered a contribution, which is covering a large portion of the wedding, and we are making up the difference ourselves.But had they not offered, we would have eloped. Not "eloped," where a bunch of people tagged along anyway and there was still a ton of wedding-related crap around, but the two of us, a judge, and a license. That's all we could afford, but all that's required.You know what, brides in the Great Depression didn't have any of the extra crap that most people now consider essential to a wedding, but they still had fully hosted receptions. And I'm not talking the people who were wealthy in the '30s, I'm talking people in small towns who were barely surviving. And before you can say, "Well, we have so much more we have to pay for!", let me remind you again: none of that extra stuff is required.Let me repeat what someone else posted: "For anyone to say "we can't do it" I think is b.s. Yes you can, you're just choosing to not make it a priority. Dress, ceremony, photographer, flowers, cake, etc are all coming before the reception. Don't kid yourself."If you're not providing some kind of basic hospitality for your guests, you're not "giving them the chance to celebrate with you," you're having them be props for your pretty princess day. None of the flimsy justifications offered thus far change that for a second.

stinkerbell6879 · September 2009

Well....If the guest decide to "tag" along then that is on them, and also, if you tell your guest the plan for your wedding they also have the choice to NOT attend....no guest is forced to participate. Also, if you are paying for your own wedding in this economy it's tough! and that is coming from me (A Bride w/ a good job and a FI w/ a good job) and back during the depression....people got married younger and families helped put a wedding together...so not really the same IMO

Knottie_22383111 · September 2009

My husband and I paid for our wedding ourselves.

Knottie_22383111 · September 2009

I will add that I don't think that having heavy appetizers, drinks, cake is inappropriate. As long as it wouldn't be during a prime meal time. Not attacking anyone here, just stating my opinion and what I personally would and would not do.

jusstice · September 2009

For whomever asked the question, my husband and I paid for everything ourselves. We are middle-income folks and my DH works two jobs. We made decisions to cut back several things to make sure that we could afford to do what we felt was right. We planned and saved for our wedding for 18 months, and yes, things got tough when I got hit with a pay cut and pay freeze.Would I have loved to invite all the people we wanted at a wedding? Yes. Could we afford a wedding with 100+ people in attendance? No. That is why we cut the guest list. It wasn't easy, but it had to be done. I would have much rather properly attend to my 50 guests than do a half-assed job with 100+ people. No one here is going to change anyone's mind about what is proper ettiquette and what isn't. There are those of us who feel that just because this is a wedding in Vegas does not mean you forget about etiquette. There are those who feel that because this is a destiantion wedding for guests that you need to go the extra step in providing for guests. Then there are those that feel that because it's Vegas anything goes and etiquette does not apply. Nothing is going to change that. Whatever you feel, whatever you do, make sure that both you and your FI are on the same page and comfortable with the decision and the outcome.

mloeks · September 2009

We are paying entirely ourselves, as well.I think one of the keys...I suggest that if you aren't able to afford a lot of guests, you narrow it down to the people who are most important to you. Those are the people who are more likely to understand if you are not able to provide any type of reception, whether it be an insuite reception or a dinner reception. Those are the people who are going to be more likely to join you on your wedding day and enjoy it with you. Not judge, ie immediate siblings, parents, close friends and relatives.My friend Crystal had a very small wedding like that in our hometown. And she just served cake and punch. You know, I never thought about that until now.And no matter what anyone says, it is a special occassion for you to celebrate with your guests the beginning of a new chapter in your life. Keep your thoughts on that and not all the critics. Enjoy the day!

Chaotickiss · September 2009

Out of the girls who think it is rude to not feed your guests, how many are paying/paid for the complete wedding themselves? just curious.We did, yep. My family is tiny and there's no money there. His family is huge but most of them are in Detroit feeling the effects of the economy. Nobody offered to help and I'm not even sure we would have taken their money. I'm not against heavy apps/cocktail/cake receptions. I even considered it myself! I just would never EVER ask someone to a party and not HOST it appropriately. A cocktail party is just that cocktails, I wouldn't ask my guests to BYOB. A dinner party is just that, I wouldn't ask them to bring an entree. Brunch, same thing. Saving money is what we ALL want to do regardless of the size of your budget.....

Auguri · September 2009

Just had to chime in. DH and I paid for our entire wedding ourselves and helped with the travel and accommodations for our family. Our priorities were to make sure our guests enjoyed themselves and to celebrate our wedding with those we love. We saved our money just to make sure that we could make this happen. Be honest and upfront with your guests and hopefully they will understand. I'll be honest, I would never have thought of not providing food and drinks for my guests. If money was that tight, I would have cut the guest list or extras, or I would have just had the wedding in my hometown. Remember, if you can't afford a big Vegas wedding, you can just do it at a cheaper city and save everyone money.