I want my Step Dad to give me away

MCCRARYSCOTT

My mom and bio dad got divorced when i was 2 years old. My mom remarried when I was 3 years old with my stepdad. I was never close to my bio dad growing up. In fact, i didn't really see him much for 6 years of my life. We just started reconnecting and visiting again with each other. I am getting married next April and really want my step dad to walk me down the aisle. I feel he has been apart of my life since i was a toddler and deserves that honor. Not to mention the stronger bond we have, but my bio dad doesn't really know my Fi that much and my FI asked my step dad for his blessing.  I haven't told my real dad yet. I am really scared of what his reaction is going to be.

em01092

I think you are making the right choice. Hopefully your bio dad will understand, but he may be a little hurt at first. However, if he knows you and your stepdad are close, he might not be expecting you to ask him anyway. 

You didn't give us much background on the situation, but if he does get upset, he might be more disappointed in himself and how he was not able to be there for you as much as he would have liked. Regardless if he was not close by, not in a good place in his life, or if he and your mom hated each other's guts, that is NOT your fault and you should not be punished for those things. You're doing great to reconnect with him, but nothing can replace the relationship you formed with your stepdad.

I would tell him sooner rather than later, in case he is upset. Chances are, if you rip the band aid now, he will come around by the time of the wedding. Waiting til the last minute would not be good. 

Good luck!

KendallandAlbert

If you are super worried about it, especially since you just started reconnecting with dad and don't want to hurt it, why not have both of them walk you?

MCCRARYSCOTT

I've discussed that option with my mom and stepdad but they don't think he deserves the honor either, since he hasn't been there for me emotionally and financially.

cgyvhu

I'm in this situation.

I didn't talk to my bio dad for years, and we still have a very strained relationship.  Meanwhile, my stepdad is a wonderful man who has been there for me.  I feel strongly, like you do, that my bio dad should NOT have the honor of walking me down the aisle.  

Now, my bio dad would not take that news well, and is a pretty volatile person, so after a lot of thought and discussion, I decided not to invite him to my wedding to avoid drama.  My mother and stepdad are helping pay, my dad and I are not close, and I just cant see my dad co-existing nicely with my mom and her family.  I am telling my dad that we can have a post-wedding celebration with him and his family, but that I can't invite him given our history. 

I don't know your exact situation, but I would tell your dad that if he loves you and wants you to be happy, he will let your stepdad walk you.  If he can't live with that, then you understand if he doesn't want to come but those are the choices.  Also, you could still include your bio dad in the program and give him a bout, so that he is in someway recognized.

good luck, I know how difficult these choices can be, and there is no wrong choice - just the one that feels right for your situation