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Ceremony time? Help!

lettiebirdlettiebird member
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in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
Okay, so... I'm planning on having my wedding on a Friday in October (not this October, btw, next...) and I'm having trouble figuring out when to have the ceremony. I would rather do it early (noon ish or earlier...) but my mom seems to think I should do it later. I see reasons for both:

Having the ceremony later in the day gives guests more time to get there. Most of them will be out of towners, it is a weekday, and it's not a holiday, so people will have work/school to worry about... It would be more convenient for the guests if I have the ceremony later in the day.

On the other hand, I would simply prefer to have the ceremony earlier in the day. Our venue is a public garden and I suspect it won't be very busy early on, whereas it may get livelier (aka noisier) as the day wears on. Plus, I just don't want to have to wait very long to finally get married! :P I know, once I've waited that long, what difference will a few hours make? I just know myself and I know I'll get really antsy if I have too much waiting time. Of course, I could always plan on having something to do in that time, I'm sure there will be something... 

There's also the issue of the reception/honeymoon. Truthfully, I don't want a reception that carries on into the wee hours of the night. I love all my guests and I do want a celebration with them, but I also want to get on with my honeymoon :P I'd rather get my traveling done sooner than later. Which would be easier if everything started earlier...

So here's my dilemma: It works better for my guests if it's later, but it works better for me if it's earlier... Am I being selfish if I start early? I feel like it's rude to make everyone rearrange their schedules for my day, but at the same time... It's my day. I'm just not sure how to proceed. If you have any advise I'd love to hear it :)
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Re: Ceremony time? Help!

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    DramaGeekDramaGeek member
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    Well, it depends.  How badly do you want your guests there, and do you mind if they talk about you and how obnoxious it is to have a wedding at noon on a Friday?
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    MiksChick23MiksChick23 member
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    I vote later. You will already limit your guests by having a Friday wedding, but to have it early in the day will just make it more difficult for them. Besides, why would you want to cut your reception of early? I wish mine could have gone all night. If you prefer to travel earlier, make your flight for Saturday am, then you can get up and head out.
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    mbatzlaffmbatzlaff
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    Can you find a time that is in between? I agree that it is tough to get to a weekday wedding if it is too early, but you don't need to have the ceremony late in the evening either. I don't know about where you live, but in October it gets dark much earlier so you may want to consider having the ceremony a bit earlier than some summer weddings. I think 4:00ish seems like a compromise from early and late, but you do what works for you. I do not know if I'd be able to attend a noon or earlier ceremony because it would likely mean having to take off work on Thursday and Friday in order to get there the day before so that I could get ready in the morning. If you do it later in the day on Friday people can arrive that day.

    If you don't want a late reception you may want to consider having the ceremony on a Sunday. That way you can have a morning ceremony and a brunch/lunch reception and everyone can go home early.

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    daria24daria24 member
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    I had a Friday wedding. The ceremony was at 6pm, the reception was over at 11pm, hardly what I would consider the wee hours. You can have a noon wedding, just be prepared for your guests to grumble or a high percentage to decline. If you really want a midday wedding, I would choose Sunday as well.
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    kateguess22kateguess22 member
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    edited July 2012
    I would do it mid-day on the early side. It will be more inconvenient for your guests and I would expect that you'll get more RSVPs that will decline as you know people have work and school and are coming from out-of-town. If you are just having a small wedding and you just want it simple and quiet and you aren't too concerned about having a lot of guests then you can plan it this way and let your guests determine if they will be able to make it. I don't think that it's selfish or rude to have a daytime wedding on a weekday as long as you are 100% undestanding when guests aren't able to make it and you don't take it personally in any way. You and your FI can choose exactly where and when you want to be married.

    If you are still really unsure then just go with your Mom's advice and have it later in the day. It is easier in so many ways. But if earlier is what you want and you can feel at peace with your decision then go for what you truly want!

    n Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_ceremony-time-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:1391ee4d-e821-49d1-a4a4-3b7e4e84dc98Post:dadbac56-8fe3-4cde-8b0c-0ae7977c6132">Ceremony time? Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay, so... I'm planning on having my wedding on a Friday in October (not this October, btw, next...) and I'm having trouble figuring out when to have the ceremony. I would rather do it early (noon ish or earlier...) but my mom seems to think I should do it later. I see reasons for both: Having the ceremony later in the day gives guests more time to get there. Most of them will be out of towners, it is a weekday, and it's not a holiday, so people will have work/school to worry about... It would be more convenient for the guests if I have the ceremony later in the day. On the other hand, I would simply prefer to have the ceremony earlier in the day. Our venue is a public garden and I suspect it won't be very busy early on, whereas it may get livelier (aka noisier) as the day wears on. Plus, I just don't want to have to wait very long to finally get married! :P I know, once I've waited that long, what difference will a few hours make? I just know myself and I know I'll get really antsy if I have too much waiting time. Of course, I could always plan on having something to do in that time, I'm sure there will be something...  There's also the issue of the reception/honeymoon. Truthfully, I don't want a reception that carries on into the wee hours of the night. I love all my guests and I do want a celebration with them, but I also want to get on with my honeymoon :P I'd rather get my traveling done sooner than later. Which would be easier if everything started earlier... So here's my dilemma: It works better for my guests if it's later, but it works better for me if it's earlier... Am I being selfish if I start early? I feel like it's rude to make everyone rearrange their schedules for my day, but at the same time... It's my day. I'm just not sure how to proceed. If you have any advise I'd love to hear it :)
    Posted by lettiebird[/QUOTE]
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    Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
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    I vote for later, unless you are OK with a high decline rate. I think a noon wedding on Friday would be very inconvenient for a large portion of your guests with "typical" 9-5 jobs. It would mean they would probably need to take the whole day off, and if you have OOT guests, they may even need to take some time off on Thurs. A Friday evening wedding still might mean people have to cut out early, but IMO that's a lot better than the whole day. I would not be able to attend the earlier time, but could probably make an evening wedding work, just for an example.

    If your heart is set on an earlier wedding, there's nothing "wrong" with it, but be prepared for a much smaller wedding. If you're OK with that, then there's no problem. If it's more important to you that you have all your friends and family there, then I definitely think you need to do the later time (and I would start the ceremony no earlier than 630). You can still wrap things up by around 11, which I don't think is too late, even if you're flying out the next morning. You could also take Sat. off and leave for the HM on Sunday. We took a day off between our wedding and HM and it was the best decision we made.


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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
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    The more you inconvenience your guests, the more declines you will have.  My stepdd  had a Friday 5 pm wedding in the capital city of our state.  During construction season.  If she had even moved it to 6 pm she would have had FAR more people attend.

    Keep in mind that if you are inviting any children, you are expecting them to miss school for a wedding.  This was one of the top reasons my stepdd had such a poor turnout.

    Personally, if you want to get married earlier in the day why not just do it on a Saturday?  I don't want to be harsh here, but everything about your preferences here just seems like you couldn't make it much more inconvenient.  Friday, early in the day, most everyone has to travel, etc.  And you also mention you just don't want to wait very long that day.  I think that is a very poor reason to impose so many inconveniences upon your guests.  Aiming for 6 or 7 pm ceremony will afford your guests so many more opportunities to attend.

    Again, not trying to be harsh, but these are the things people will be talking about at your wedding.  (happened at my stepdd's wedding).  Is that what you really want?
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    random4180random4180 member
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    Given your guests' circumstances, I would go with later or on a weekend. Not because I have anything against a weekday wedding- I'm getting married on a Wednesday with a 3:30 ceremony. We had originally thought to make it later but honestly, in NYC rush hour starts at about  4 and doesn't ease up until 8PM. We had a number of reasons for wanting our wedding on a weekday (budget being a big one) but the first thing we did was clear the date with our VIPs. We sent out STDs 7 months in advance and prepared ourselves for a large decline rate. Currently we're at about 47% acceptance but still needing to get back a third of the invites. 

    An early weekday wedding can work but you do need to be realistic about your expectations. Personally, we knew we'd be happy if we got 75 people or 100 people or all 174 that we invited but it's something to consider if you decide to go with a place that has minimums because you may not meet them easily. In your situation, I'd probably go for a Sunday wedding with a brunch afterwards. 
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    jennipea382jennipea382 member
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    If you're ok with a small ceremony, go ahead and have it during the day. But remember that it's going to be very difficult even for the close friends and family who want to be there. As a guest, it depends how well I know the person. If it's a really close friend or family member, I'll do my best to be there any day of the week. But if it's just an acquaintance, work friend, someone I'm not super close to.. I'd probably just attend the reception after work if I attended at all. If it were me, I'd do it later. But it's up to you and your FI to decide what's most important. The ceremony at the time you want but few guests, or more guests but not the time of day you want?
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    good2Bqueen13good2Bqueen13 member
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    I say have it early.  Depending on from where your guests are traveling, they are likely going to take Thursday and Friday off anyway.  I can't imagine many people choosing take only Friday off to get up at the crack of dawn to fight the airports and then arrive ready to get dressed and feel refreshed for a wedding.  

    You are more than a year out, so you have plenty of time to send STDs.  The people who WANT to be at your wedding will know in plenty of time to make arrangements. save/request vacation time if necessary, etc.  If your wedding is important enough to use a vacation day or two, then you know your guest truly wants to be there.  To me it would make the day that much more personal.  And if half or more of your guests cannot make it, then you will have more time to spend with the guests that are there.


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    dixfam4dixfam4
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    you obviously have time, but what if you did a 6:30 ceremony, the sun will still be out and then if you don't want a recetion that last forever into the night, then do a few finger foods/appetizers and a cake/chamgange reception. You will have your guests, dance and cake and be on your way... The park will look just as good.. but ultimately, its your day, so your choice! congrats!!!
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    aragx6aragx6 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_ceremony-time-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:1391ee4d-e821-49d1-a4a4-3b7e4e84dc98Post:ca117b25-9648-493a-b8dd-2b37b07c3920">Re: Ceremony time? Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I say have it early.  Depending on from where your guests are traveling, they are likely going to take Thursday and Friday off anyway.  I can't imagine many people choosing take only Friday off to get up at the crack of dawn to fight the airports and then arrive ready to get dressed and feel refreshed for a wedding.   You are more than a year out, so you have plenty of time to send STDs.  The people who WANT to be at your wedding will know in plenty of time to make arrangements. save/request vacation time if necessary, etc.  If your wedding is important enough to use a vacation day or two, then you know your guest truly wants to be there.  To me it would make the day that much more personal.  And if half or more of your guests cannot make it, then you will have more time to spend with the guests that are there.
    Posted by good2Bqueen13[/QUOTE]

    The idea that everyone who "wants to" can request time off of work like that is pretty naive. That's not how many people's jobs work. And saying that if they don't come it's because they don't care enough to make it happen is not only douchey, but also a good way to end up very disappointed.
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    good2Bqueen13good2Bqueen13 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_ceremony-time-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:1391ee4d-e821-49d1-a4a4-3b7e4e84dc98Post:067e552f-c5d7-4ae9-bf36-33674330bcb0">Re: Ceremony time? Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ceremony time? Help! : The idea that everyone who "wants to" can request time off of work like that is pretty naive. That's not how many people's jobs work. And saying that if they don't come it's because they don't care enough to make it happen is not only douchey, but also a good way to end up very disappointed.
    Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

    <div>I stand by my original post.  I don't know of any place of employment that requires you to request time off more than a year out.  And I'm not saying that those who do not make the effort don't want to be there.  I'm simply saying that "want" is relative.  I might want to go to my third cousin, twice removed's wedding in Ireland, but I might not WANT it bad enough to make it happen.  However, if I WANT to make it to my BFF's wedding who happens to be having it on a Friday morning, I would make arrangements to be there.  It's simply up to the OP to choose what is important.  If she doesn't mind a small turnout with only her closest relatives and best friends showing up, then there is nothing wrong with a Friday morning wedding.</div><div>
    </div><div>That said, OP, should you choose to have a Friday morning ceremony, keep your guest list in check.  You should keep in mind that many people will need to make special arrangements to make it to your wedding and be conscientious of that when making your list.  Inviting a slough of people for whom you wouldn't be willing to overcome the same inconvience is rude and gift-grabby.</div><div>
    </div><div>Edited for clarity.</div>
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