Devastating So Long...(wedding canceled)

Hiltonsgirl

I first want to start off by saying THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART TO ALL OF YOU!! This board, and all of you on it, were WONDERFUL and made my planning SO easy! Sadly, just two-ish months out, I received a punch in the gut over this past weekend. FI informs me, he is having reservations. (not about ME, but entering into marriage, after having experienced a previous bad one!) At this point, I am unsure whether we will postpone for later in the year/early 2013 to work thru things, or simply go our separate ways. I am devastated. I will continue to lurk, as I want to see photos and hear the joy of those I have come know. (I feel like I know all of you!) Thank you again. And please feel free to send love (whether thread or inbox) with advice or any comfort to offer. Lord knows I need it. I am devastated beyond words (sobbing)

mizutamababy

I'm so sorry to hear that... you have my condolences!  Do you think it's possible for FI and you to do some pre-marriage counseling, that way he can talk about his reservations..?  (If he's already said that it doesn't concern you.) I hope you guys can find a solution.

sarahgirl2

So sorry about your situation. I can imagine being devasted. I agree with the counseling. This actually happened to my FMIL. They were together 7 years and two months before the wedding he told her he may not be ready, he still wanted to be with her but not marriage yet. She was furious and embarassed. She was heartbroken and ended the relationship and said it couldnt be repaired. Almost a year later and she is still very depressed. He was a good guy and I think just very selfish for his actions, but I do believe they could have worked it out. You need to sit down and think about what YOU want now. Can you forgive him and move on? Do you HAVE to be married to him, or would you rather just be with him? There are some big questions you need to ask yourself. But remember everything happens for a reason Keep your head up!!!

nycheryl

I'm SO sorry, sweetie!  We've been so lucky to have you around the boards - you're helpful, kind, and outgoing. 

I agree with counseling - if not for both of you, at least for you.  It'll help to have someone unbiased to help work through your feelings and emotions.  Maybe don't put a specific date on things (or break up altogether) until you have a chance to settle down and talk through everything.  Keep the pressure off for now and re-focus on your relationship.

As PP said, think about what YOU want, too!  You deserve happiness as much as he does - whether it's with him or not.

Please don't hesitate to reach out if there's anything you need.

Cheryl

Jessica632011

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Like PP's said maybe couples counseling will work for you guys. I'm sure it makes it harder that it was only 2 months out before your wedding. Hopefully you guys can work it out and your FI realizes not every marriage ends like his last one did. Good Luck and take care of yourself. If you need anyone to talk to please post here or PM me anytime you want!

arrestclementine

I am so sorry.  I hope that you two are able to work it out.  Like pp's mentioned maybe some counseling might be able to help.  Hope everything works out.

klminor17

Makes me so sad and I don't even know you!   I wish the best for you and hope it all works out! Keep your head held high!

Sophia1913

Oh no. I'm so sorry to hear this. I sincerely hope you guys can work everything out.

wallacje

OH NO!!!! So sorry to hear this.  Hoping you both can work everything out and come back and see us soon!!!

AJF021410

Oh my gosh I'm so sorry. It's better now then to end in divorce. I called off a wedding before and even though it was on my terms, it's still no walk in the park. You will get through this and realize it was for the best

csarah718

I am so sorry to hear. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} Hopefully counseling will clear the air and you guys can either move forward or move on. Keep your chin up!

starryeyed77

Awww I'm so sorry to hear this! I went through something similar before and counseling really helped me work through it. Although it may not seem like it now...it is good he is sharing this with you now rather than later. Take care amnd sending hugs your way!

[Deleted User]

I am so sorry! I genuinely hope you guys can work everything out!

MNVegas

So sorry, my heart goes out to you.

coopsbaby

I'm so sorry hon. Just take some time and let it sink in before you make any quick decisions. Your mind needs time to process. And I seccond the recommendation of counseling for one or both of you. If he won't go with you, I'd go by myself. It's easier sometimes to figure out what you really want to do when you have to articulate it to someone else.

Please stick around and let us know how it works out for you, and know that everyone here is behind you!

Crazybeautiful11

I am so sorry to hear this . As all the other posts said, take your time to figure out what you want. Counseling may be a good idea if you think it will help. I wen through the same thing a few years ago, and we've worked through all of our fears and here we are. So keep the faith . I hope everything works out for you guys!

wiwicaty

I'm very sorry to hear! If it can be of any consolation, it's definitely better to deal with this now rather than later. I hope you get it all resolved and you can both be happy soon. Good luck!!! ETA. Don't leave the board, let us know how it goes... You'll be in our thoughts!

AnaC09

Oh no! I can't imagine what you must be going thru. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I hope all worksout at the end... take one day at the time. {{{hugs}}}

specialjune

I am so sorry to hear this  I have no words other than to take some time and do what is best for you. I hope you have a happy ending whether it is with him or not

Hiltonsgirl

It's nice to be cared about...by people whom don't even really know you. THANK YOU! Your hugs, kind words, and advice were much needed. I couldn't agree more, about having found out BEFORE we married, than after! Still cuts like a knife, though. I am hopeful that we will be able to work thru this. However, if [former?] FI isn't willing to face his deeply rooted inner issues (that he has tried to bury his entire life--childhood crap, etc) the problem will continually reoccur, and we have nothing to salvage. I will not put myself in the situation of working thru this, being happy again, and having the same issue pop up in the future. It is sometimes difficult to get a male to admit he is in need of help/ commit to going to therapy or counceling, without defense or feeling as he is less of a man. Any advice on getting him there? Please inbox--I don't want to turn the board into a therapy session. Again, I THANK YOU for the love and advice.

mandm111

I am so sorry. This must be really devastating. I hope that everything will work our at the end *hugs*

vegasgroom

Really sorry to hear this.  I wish I had some advice for you on what to say to him to get him to go see someone but I can't think of much that would motivate me to do that either, other than an ultimatum, and the problem with those is you can't really use them if you don't intend to walk way if you don't get the result you want so that's more of a last resort thing.  Maybe go see someone first and get their advice on getting him to come in?

wishingstar4jm

oh no. i actually got chills. im so sorry. i cant imagine how u might feel.

just give it time. explain to him that he cant keep holding on to his past. he found you for a reason to get away from that.

i hope things work out.

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

Ailuja

I don't post too much on these boards just yet but I was so sorry to hear what has happened to you. I echo all the above sentiments and really hope that things will work out. 

"Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment
is the only one you know you have for sure."
~Oprah Winfrey~