Guest List Dilemma

mrsmrsparkles

This is a lenghty one I am sorry, I'm just lost.  My FI and I just started creating our guest list for our "small" wedding next June.  Originally I just wanted our immeadiate family members and super close friends to attend.  Well that quickly changed to also include aunts and uncles.  That's 25 on my side and 19 on his side.  Then because his parents are divorced and remarried they have asked that we also include the step aunts and uncles.  Soon our wedding became all older families members and far too many at that.  We then decided to invite the cousins related to the FMIL, because a lot of them are close friends of ours now.  This now brings out count up to 102.  When FFIL got wind of this he insisted that we also include the cousins from his side.  If we do this my mom has requested we also include my side.  This bring us to almost 170!  I know that proper etiquiette says to be equal but we aren't close to any other cousins than those of FMIL.  I don't want to invite them but at this point FFIL is no longer speaking to us.  What is the best way to resolve these conflicts yet still have the wedding we want?

[Deleted User]

We had a similar guest list situation - more due to the fact that my mothers siblings were so spread in age that I am actually the same age and grew up with my 2nd cousins.  Ultimately, the best thing to do is to cut it at the same point on both sides.  If you are inviting cousins on one side, then cousins on the other should be included as well.  Then when people call to ask why, your response is standard and there's no awkwardness (sorry x isn't invited because we had to stop our list at aunts and uncles to keep within our budget - even if it's not a budget issue).

Personally, I completely understand the only wanting to invite those you are close with...

lewisc2002

the way we did this - and i don't know that it's the right way - is to cut out all cousins, and allot a certain number of friend invites for me and DH each. Then, i used my friend slots to invite the cousins i'm close to and my friends and he invited his friends. Otherwise, our wedding would have only consisted mostly of family we aren't close to and we wouldn't have been able to invite any friends b/c we could only afford a certain number of people. this doesn't follow etiquette, but i only have one uncle who is upset with me b/c i didn't invite his young kids (i set a specific no-kids rule).

hth

EFournier

We had similar issues, my sister's wedding had 120 guests, mine was 36.  We only invited those who we knew to truly love and care for us.  We also told the parents that they could invite immediate family plus two couples (be it extended family or friends their chioce).  At first everyone pushed back with long lists but in the end it we had the perfect number.  Also, we had our reception in a room that held 45 max so we used that as our major excuses.  People did get over it eventually but there were hard feelings to a while.  Do what you want.  Today is my first wedding anniversary and I am happy to say that everyone at my wedding truly wanted to be there and loved and supported myself and my husband.  Good luck!

Angrytomato

I'm only invting cousins I actually speak to on a regular basis. I'm not invting any "holiday relatives" (you know, the ones you only see at christmas or maybe thanksgiving). If they get mad, oh well. :P