Small Ceremony...Large Reception?

sannas252

     My family thinks that the idea of having a family-only ceremony and larger reception is completely blasphemous! What do you guys think? Do you think it would hurt people feelings if they got invited to a reception but not the ceremony? Has anyone else done this?

pirategal03

It depends.

If you mean: you + the person you're marrying + your mom + your dad + his mom + his dad + the officient = small family only ceremony; then I think it's okay to have a small, family only ceremony and invite lots of people to the reception.

If you mean: the above + any of: siblings + siblings s/o's + aunts + uncles + grandparents + maybe cousins + your bff since forever who is practically a sibling; then I think you're going into the "too big to be a small, family only wedding" territory and at this point you really shouldn't invite anyone to just the reception.

So basically, it's thin ice.  If you go inviting a lot of people to the ceremony then you're really getting into the "what's one more" territory.  Ceremonies aren't expensive, it doesn't make sense to a lot of guests why you'd cut them out of what is essentially the reason for the whole dang party. 

Does that make sense?  Basically if you're inviting anyone other than your parents to see your ceremony, then you shouldn't go inviting a bunch of people to the reception who weren't invited to the ceremony.  It's like saying 'You're not close enough to watch us get married, but you're close enough that I'll feed you cake so you'll give us a gift."

NcsuPsych

Mary said it best I think. I was going to respond earlier, but was having trouble wording my response.

It's extremely thin ice though.

If I were your guest to your reception and knew it was you, your FI, both sets of parents, officiant then I would understand.

However if it were more than that, I would probably assume that I wasn't good enough to come to the ceremony, but good enough to bring a gift (it sounds gift grabby). I also would probably decline the invitation if I were OOT.

As Mary also put, the ceremony is honestly the most budget friendly part of the entire ordeal. If it's your venue that's limiting your numbers either A) Cut your guest list so that everyone can come to both ceremony and reception . . or . . find a new ceremony venue.


Good luck

pirategal03

Thanks, Beka.  I felt like I was rambling.

And also:

My bff was invited to a reception last summer for just this sort of thing.  The groom was super-shy, and wasn't comfortable with the ceremony being in front of everyone they wanted to invite.  So they had a 10 person ceremony and a 80 person "reception" after.  Friend felt slighted.  She didn't feel like "reception" was the right word for the party. 

If you just want to throw a big party, then throw a big party and call it a celebration, don't call it a reception, don't wear a big white dress, don't cut a tiered cake and have champagne toasts and all of that.  Just have a party. 

meredithl618

It's obviously up to you, but I think that a small ceremony and larger reception is weird. I would also feel slighted and kind of weird if I was only invited to the reception.

The ceremony is the most important part of the day, it's the actual wedding. Why wouldn't you want to share it with friends and family alike? If you want to invite a ton of people to the reception but don't want to invite them to the actual ceremony, then maybe you should rethink why you want those people in the first place. Maybe a smaller wedding ceremony and reception is right for you.  

meredithl618

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_small-ceremonylarge-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:115Discussion:e8c6ca2b-dcec-43cd-9969-d257098ffda6Post:2c50776f-1070-4b66-ab24-3cf91a45b77a">Re: Small Ceremony...Large Reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's like saying 'You're not close enough to watch us get married, but you're close enough that I'll feed you cake so you'll give us a gift."
Posted by pirategal03[/QUOTE]
This is exactly what I thought. I'd be annoyed and might not even attend. It sounds a little gift grabby. 

tarheelbabs

Okay, so I'm on a different page here.  I actually attended a friend's wedding about ten years ago that was exactly like your plan.  They married in a tiny church in Eastern NC that was my friend's home church.  There was no way they could have fit all their guest in the church, so they only invited family and the wedding party.  The rest of us were invited to the reception.  A nice touch was that they showed a video of the ceremony of the reception, so we all felt included.  I had a great time and never felt excluded from the ceremony.

Another friend married at her family's home--a large property out of state.  She and her husband had their wedding in the home, which simply couldn't accommodate all the guests, just the family.  The reception was in a tent on the property.  Another really outstanding, fun reception--except it was in Virginia when the sniper was out and about at the same highway exit we were staying at.  Now that was interesting--returning to a motel lobby full of ATF agents--and getting stopped by a roadblock on the way there.  Interesting night, and another reason my friend's wedding was memorable.

I think the main thing is that you and your FI are happy with what you're doing.  If you have a nice party for your guests, I think that's what they'll remember, too, so long as your find a way to make them feel included.