3 day honeymoon? Say what?

futuremrscoachj

Ok... so ill go ahead and admit it that im "that bride" whose parents are paying for the whole shi-bang since I will be fresh out of college when I get married. My parents have blessed me with more than I deserve and have paid WELL over the budget that I requested to have for the big day.

My future IL's are agreeing, with tradition, to pay for the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon. Our rehearsal dinner will be lovely and they have already booked the venue (did so a year in advance)... the topic of HONEYMOON has come up and this is where im getting a little irritated.

My fiance and I knew that they would be clueless when it came to the HM, being that they hardly ever take vacations and havnt really ever booked one (he is a third generation football and baseball coach- they spend their summers playing ball- not vacationing) So we found this awesome resort offereng all-inclusive in Jamaica for 2000. Flat. Our airfare is a wedding gift from my FI's aunt, who works with AA.

We presented the honeymoon idea to his parents and they responded with "Well, we were going to get yall a few nights in the Marriot in Marco Island, FL." By few, he meant Sun, Mon, and Tue night. We pay for food and everything else. Their reasoning was that we would both be teaching and didnt need to take that whole week for our honeymoon. Um. Is that THEIR say whether we take off or not? So basically, theyre set on just getting us a few nights at the hotel (which is 1300) and not listening to our request for Jamica which is only a few hundred more AND all-inclusive.

Should we
a. take their 1300 and pay the rest in our own money for Jamica
b. go on their three day HM idea
c. have my parents, who tell us we NEED to take a week and will be more than willing to pay for our HM, pay

I hope this doesnt come across sounding like I feel I have a right for people to pay for this, I AM extremly grateful that our parents have offered to do this so we can focus our money (the litttle we will have) on rent and getting on our feet. Im just not sure why they are set on paying for only three nights somewhere because they believe we shouldnt take a whole week off. (IM TAKING IT ALL OFF REGARDLESS!)

klreese0213

It sounds like your are greatful for all the help you are getting.
You mentioned "per tradition" FI's parents are paying for HM and RD, however, i thought it was more traditional for them to pay for bar at the reception as well? I've actually never heard of FI's parents to pay for HM. i always thought that was the couple's expense.

As for the HM deal, i understand what you're saying, but i wouldn't cause a fuss about it. Either say to them you'd rather have the money to put towards a trip you both agree on or decline all together. So i say, take the $1300 and either pay the rest yourself and/or have you parents pay the remainder- since you say they are willing to pay for everything with open arms... which is SO generous. Also, if FI's parents mention anything else about the time off simply say "our schools are understanding and we have already requested the time off and it's been approved. Thanks for the concern though."

Do you otherwise have a good relationship with FI's parents?

I'd be cautious of who you present this case to on TK- you WILL get flamed BIG TIME on some other boards... just FYI ... some girls around here (TK) are SO 8itchy!

futuremrscoachj

haha thats why I posted it on here in my Feb 12 family! I REALLY dont want to sound whiny at all... its just so frustrating because my parents have spent SO much and his parents are complaining about a trip that costs less than our reception venue!

I have a great relationship with my FI's parents. They and my parents live in the same neighborhood about 30 seconds from each other and we're always hanging out together. Like I said, he comes from a HUGE coaching family (his grandfather coached, is in the Hall of Fame, and still advises for Clemson University football, his dad was a 7-time State champ coach for 4A in Texas, and my FI coaches football and baseball and is about to be a player development coach at Clemson) So their way of life and their priorities are SO different from my families and what we view as normal (vacations, birthday parties, etc) theyve have never really celebrated becasue there is always ball invovled.

Thanks for the KIND advice!!!

klreese0213

I hope i didn't come off snarky. Because i understand what you mean by what you want and know you can handle compared to what other people want for you and what they think you can handle. - esp parents.

I definitely agree that a sports mind thinks differently then a "normal" mind hehe.
Good luck on whichever you decide to do... Any idea on which way you're leaning?
What does FI say about it??

futuremrscoachj

Oh you didnt come off snarky in the least!

FI is upset with his parents about it. He says that its our one and only honeymoon and we're adults and if we want to take all week off, we should be able to.

Im leaning towards discussing the fact that the all-inclusive trip is not much more than the other trip that they are wanting to pay for and that we're both taking off the week regards so that they dont need to focus on that anymore

cdstadler

I understand that you are greatful...but personally i feel that beggers cant be choosers...and while i know your not "begging" and that it was actually offered. They have something to give to you in mind. If you talk to them and its alright that you take their money and put it towards jamaica, then do so. Otherwise...either turn the money down or take their trip.

Im kind of in the same boat. My parents have paid for a majority of our dream wedding...more that i could have imagined. for that i am VERY grateful. However, my FIs mother said that she wants to pay for the photographer. She offered 450 bucks towards the photographer that she wanted ( a 19 year old who works at walmarts photo studio.) I told her that my friend who is an actual wedding and family photographer who owns her own business doing so offered to do our wedding for 800.00- which is dirt cheap especially for the awesome work that she does. I asked her if it would be ok that we use our photographer instead. She was actually quite offended by it. She didnt allow us to use our photog....so we told her thanks but no thanks. After that she realized that i was THAT important to us that she ended up giving us that money anyway towards anything.

jenniferb77

would you guys consider waiting a year for a honeymoon? perhaps with a little more time you guys would be able to pitch in? or perhaps they would be more willing to pitch in for a longer honeymoon?

kgettingmarried

Here's my take.

If the FIL's are paying for the HM, it's their say.  If you don't like what they say, then plan your own HM and pay for it yourselves.

If you can't afford it on your own, then wait until you can.  You don't have to take the HM right after the wedding, most couples I know are waiting several months after because it's too stressful doing it all at once.  Or they can't afford it.  FI and I are probably going to wait and just take a vacation the summer after the wedding because we can't afford a $2k HM like we want right on top of our $5k wedding, which is coming right after we buy a house.

I have used the above strategy many times to get what I want (esp when parents are involved), and it works.  $$ is power in this world.  If they want to feel included you could offer that they could pay for 3 days.