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March 2012 Weddings

T & P Please

I don't even know where to start.  I'm still shaking from being so hurt and upset. I'm sorry if this post is jumbled and makes little sense. I just found out tonight that my mother has been undergoing treatment for suspicion of breast cancer since December. I went to Zumba class tonight with my aunt and she asked me how my mother was.  I said fine why and she's like because she had her biopsy test today.  I'm like what and she's like oh you don't know.  I begged her to tell me and she finally told me that my mom has been sick since December but she was unaware that I didn't know.  She also told me that my sister was the one that took her for the tests (apparently it's the 3rd round of testing).  So I left class to confront my mother about it and guess what- she's mad at my aunt for telling me.  I asked her why she didn't tell me and she said because she didn't want to ruin the wedding.  As if my wedding is more important than my mom.  She said she was planning on telling me after!  Although I admit I'm completely terrorified about my mom being sick I'm totally crushed and hurt that she never told me and that she told my sister  My sister woun't take my calls and my mom says that i shouldn't be upset.  I kind of feel betrayed. Thanks for listening to my vent and please pray for me mom.  She'll know for sure on Monday.
 
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Re: T & P Please

  • Prayers going out.  I really don't think your mom did anything without good intentions.  You're upset and pissed and completely allowed to be.  Sometimes what people think is the right thing to do is the wrong thing.  Your sister is probably just afraid to be confronted right and maybe not sure how to handle such a delicate situation.  Give things a day or two to sink in.  I know you're probably not mad at your mom or your sister but you are mad at the situation and let her know that.  I'm not sure what else to say other than you have my thoughts and prayers as well as your mom. 
  • T&P's coming your way. I understand why you're upset. I would be too. Just try to understand that she's probably scared too and didn't want you to have more stress for the wedding.
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  • OMG! T & Ps sent you way babe!  Aww your mom probably didnt want to stress you out during the wedding planning process.  My parents didnt tell me when my dad was sick during my freshman year of college-they didnt want to stress me.  SO i know exactly how you feel!  keep me posted and let me know if u need anything!
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  • My family hid my grandfather's death by almost two weeks. They wanted me to finish my final exams before telling me so I wouldn't be upset during finals, or miss any and have to make them up later. My grandmother even flipped out on my mom for telling me on the last day, she wanted me to be able to celebrate the end of exams with my friends before hearing the bad news.

    Looking back, it's actually funny the lengths that they went to in order to hide it and make sure that no one spilled the beans, but I'm also glad that they did. My grandfather would never forgive himself if my schoolwork suffered because of him.
  • I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. My T&P are with you. I can totally understand you feeling betrayed but what is always important to remember that they had your best intrests at heart.  Once the sting wears off I know that that will mean more to you.

    I'm sorry that you have to deal with this.
  • I'm so sorry Hoboken. T&Ps for you and your mom.
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  • I'm sorry to hear about this :( I agree with PPs.. Hope everything comes back ok on Monday. T&Ps your way.
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  • T&P for sure. Please keep us posted. I agree with the other posters, while they thought they were doing the right thing, but not telling you, They had your best interest at heart. It is hard to see and agree with that when you are the one they are keeping secerts from. I'd feel the same way if my family did the same to me. Know they love you and wanted you to have an amazing wedding experience.
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  • Sending lots of positive energy your way. I hope everything works out.
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  • I am so sorry to hear this and that you are dealing with it. I can imagine how hurt you are for being left in the dark about it all. I am sure it was done with good intentions but it doesn't feeel that way right now. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.
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  • Sending thoughts and prayers your way....sending positive energy and lots of strength too....
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  • I'm so sorry you're hurting. I will definitely be sending lots of thoughts and prayers your way. I hope that the results on Monday are clean and you can all move on. Either way, I agree with everyone else. Even if their actions were misguided, they were just thinking of how much they love you and want you to have the wedding of your dreams. 
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  • Oh wow, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your mom. I would totally feel like how you are feeling, but I'm sure they all had the best of intentions with your wedding coming up soon. I hope you get good results on Monday! Good luck!
  • I am so sorry to hear that. I know that my family does a lot of 'keeping stuff from each other so that we don't get scared' crap and it PISSES ME OFF! I have made it a point (thanks to FI) to always tell the truth no matter what happens....my mom pulled this stunt when she was getting fluid drained from her kindey failure and it definitely does hurt. I'm sorry you are going through this and I'll send T&P for a clean result!
  • Oh honey, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I'll certainly be praying for you and your family.
  • Prayers your way
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  • Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry girl! Wow, I can imagine how hard this must be on you and you family right now. My thoughts and prayers definitely go out to your mom, your family, and you. However, I definitely agree with the PPs. I would totally feel upset and betrayed as well, especially since the whole incident is so fresh. That being said though, they definitely had your best interest at heart by temporarily keeping this from you and didn't want to worry you with the upcoming wedding. Of course your mother is more important, but they probably didn't want looks like a scare as of now to ruin your big day. Give it a little time and I'm sure everything will be okay. Anyway, PLEASE keep us updated about your mom. Again, sending T&Ps your way! :)
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  • That is so sad, what your mom is going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I know you are upset - and trust me, I would be too... but your mom is probably scared too, and she just didn't want to stress you out even more. Now that you know, and you are upset, you still need to be there for your mom. I know you will... hopefully everything will all be OK. I am sorry your mom is going through this! Keep us updated! And what I love about all the girls on this board is everyone is so compassionate. So if you are feeling anything - angry, sad, or need to vent, write about it. Goodluck, and again my T & P's are with you and your mom....
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