Feeling like a terrible person (NWR)

femmepink

Okay this is the ONLY place I can think of to vent. I can't talk to my FI about this because he think I'm being petty (which I probably am), and it's too embarrassing to admit to anyone else.... so hear me out.

I've always  done EVERYTHING "properly". By properly, I mean, I listened to my parents, didn't have sex when I was young, didn't smoke, went to college, got a good job, etc. Now my FI and I are getting married BEFORE having kids...you get my drift.

Well my younger brother didn't graduate HIGH SCHOOL, and moved out of my parents house with his girlfriend and got her knocked up.

I am jealous that this is my mom's first grandchild. I am jealous that HE'S giving it to her because I have done everything in the proper order, and now he's taken this HUGE step from me.

But to make matters worse, she's due only a few weeks before my wedding and WITH A GIRL. My dream come true would be to have a girl.

I am happy for them, if they are happy, don't get me wrong. And I'm super excited to be a first-time auntie, but I can't help but feel a little jealous.

Has anyone else ever had this? Am I terrible?