Premarital counseling...

tiffk10

So Fi and I had our first session today. It went great until the pastor asked us if we were having sex  Basically if we want to continue counseling so that we can get married in the church (which is important to us) we either have to quit having sex or get legally married and continue counseling for the church ceremony. 

This isn't the biggest deal but we had just decided to start TTC and putting that on hold for 3 months makes me a little sad. I don't like the idea of getting married at the court house and then doing the big ceremony; thats just not me. So I guess we will be waiting. 

Anyone else in the same boat?

JCWhitey

What denomination are you? If you are Catholic just go to confession before each counseling session. Teehee. I'm kidding, of course... But you gotta love the Catholic loop holes.

tiffk10

We are nondenominational so no confessions for us lol. The pastor flat out told us if we were not willing to commit to abstaining then he would not do our counseling. I get where he is coming from and understand why we should, its just going to be hard for me lol. 

brittandjp

I was really worried about this since my grandpa is marrying us. I think he probably tells that to all of the people he counsels and marries, but since I'm his granddaughter, I think he skipped that question/step.

Sorry you're having to deal with this, especially since you were ready for TTC.

jbrook12

We are not doing the counseling before the wedding. I get where your pastor is coming from and all, but that still stinks. I thought it was bad the FI wants to go the last 14 before the wedding without having any.  Good luck to you on this.

JCWhitey

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_premarital-counseling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:9184e752-d9bf-47c3-af9a-2003a07a1fecPost:a7f7a14e-2dbe-42d8-934d-81143ddb0d05">Re: Premarital counseling...</a>:
[QUOTE]We are not doing the counseling before the wedding. I get where your pastor is coming from and all, but that still stinks. I thought it was bad the FI wants to go the last 14 before the wedding without having any.  Good luck to you on this.
Posted by jbrook12[/QUOTE]

I was going to propose a month to FI but then I remembered that we're going to be in Vegas the week before the wedding.... Yeah, not happening!

w+c3

That sucks!  Our original pastor didn't agree with us living together. I was like If you think that I'm going to move out of my own house for 6 months just to please you, you are crazy. Sure I just got unpacked. Let me pack up again and move home with my parents. Not gonna happen. So we ditched him.

But if you really really want to get married there then I guess you will have to tough it out. And if you slip up just pray about it. God forgives mistakes! And there is nothing that says you have to tell your pastor that you slipped up. Its none of his business as long as you are actively trying for his plan.

kamarks08

Oh Lord I hope this question doesn't pop up for us.

HobokensFury

Our Catholic church would not marry us because we live together so I feel your pain.

elidellio

We're not getting married in a church so luckily we don't have this issue. I know 3 months is a long time but you can do it if it's important to you. And you can start TTC on the wedding night!

tiffk10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_premarital-counseling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:9184e752-d9bf-47c3-af9a-2003a07a1fecPost:e0b11a64-d135-4305-afc9-a736628662ae">Re: Premarital counseling...</a>:
[QUOTE]Our Catholic church would not marry us because we live together so I feel your pain.
Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_premarital-counseling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:9184e752-d9bf-47c3-af9a-2003a07a1fecPost:d9d6d2ab-5e10-4335-9c34-96be75fc24d6">Re: Premarital counseling...</a>:
[QUOTE]That sucks!  Our original pastor didn't agree with us living together. I was like If you think that I'm going to move out of my own house for 6 months just to please you, you are crazy. Sure I just got unpacked. Let me pack up again and move home with my parents. Not gonna happen. So we ditched him. But if you really really want to get married there then I guess you will have to tough it out. And if you slip up just pray about it. God forgives mistakes! And there is nothing that says you have to tell your pastor that you slipped up. Its none of his business as long as you are actively trying for his plan.
Posted by w+c3[/QUOTE]

Ugh! I'm so sorry about that. He asked if we were living together. I think he gave us a pass since neither one of us has family around here so its not really like one of us could move out. I'm really grateful for that.

amh04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_premarital-counseling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:9184e752-d9bf-47c3-af9a-2003a07a1fecPost:e0b11a64-d135-4305-afc9-a736628662ae">Re: Premarital counseling...</a>:
[QUOTE]Our Catholic church would not marry us because we live together so I feel your pain.
Posted by HobokenBride2012[/QUOTE]

Thats weird - we're getting married in the Catholic church and they are allowing us to get married even though we live together. They suggest living together has 'brother and sister' - the first priest we spoke with was a jerk. Basically said our marriage would fail but I love our new priest and he understands why we live together and so forth and he is really supportive of our relationship.

We went to PreCana (premartial course for Catholics) this past weekend and really enjoyed it. We meet with our priest one or two more times before our wedding date and it's nice for us to be able to talk openly about topics we might not see eye to eye on and be able to get our Priests advice/take on it.

In all honesty, and I hope you don't think I'm being mean because I'm really not tryign to be. I would just abstain from sex until the wedding day. Just pray about it and find other ways to be 'close'. I guess sex isn't as important to me as it is some others, I have a thyroid condition that kills my drive and FI and I have been seperated for 18 months total during our relationship, so we couldn't have sex then. I also would be too scared to be pregnant on my wedding day - but thats my own opinion.

I would just do some heartfelt praying regarding it and find other options, such as date nights to keep the romance there.

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_premarital-counseling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:9184e752-d9bf-47c3-af9a-2003a07a1fecPost:65502e79-a78d-49fc-969a-6c4d22b58a6a">Re: Premarital counseling...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Premarital counseling... : Thats weird - we're getting married in the Catholic church and they are allowing us to get married even though we live together. They suggest living together has 'brother and sister' - the first priest we spoke with was a jerk. Basically said our marriage would fail but I love our new priest and he understands why we live together and so forth and he is really supportive of our relationship. We went to PreCana (premartial course for Catholics) this past weekend and really enjoyed it. We meet with our priest one or two more times before our wedding date and it's nice for us to be able to talk openly about topics we might not see eye to eye on and be able to get our Priests advice/take on it. In all honesty, and I hope you don't think I'm being mean because I'm really not tryign to be. I would just abstain from sex until the wedding day. Just pray about it and find other ways to be 'close'. I guess sex isn't as important to me as it is some others, I have a thyroid condition that kills my drive and FI and I have been seperated for 18 months total during our relationship, so we couldn't have sex then. I also would be too scared to be pregnant on my wedding day - but thats my own opinion. I would just do some heartfelt praying regarding it and find other options, such as date nights to keep the romance there.
Posted by amh04[/QUOTE]

The church that I grew up in has a new priest that said no.  Another local church wanted a 5k "donation". I felt like I was being extorted. It's ok though. Honestly I've had issues with the Catholic church for some time but this experience has helped me see it's not something I want to be a part of.  So in a way it was a good thing.