opinions please..

brose123

Hi Ladies, My step sister just had her baby saturday night, she is a bm in my wedding...I was just on the phone with my dad and we where just talking about the wedding and stuff and i asked how she was doing, he said good...and that Sunday (day after) she was upset saying 'I am afraid i am not going to be able to fit in my dress, and i am scared to leave baby alone the whole day' (of my wedding) I totally understand where she is coming from, I have a daughter and i certantly would not have wnted to leave her alone the whole day after just a couple weeks after wedding. Anyways, i was thinking about emailing her just letting her know that i would totally understand if she has to back out, and that i would NOT  be mad at her. Or do you think i should let her approach me.. if you think i should say something to her, how should i approach it? Thanks ladies (FYI, she leave 45 minutes from me so its not like i can go over and talk to her in person..But i love her and we had our years we didnt talk had our problems but yeah.

a+b=u&me3912

I think you should approach her. If she lives only 45 minutes away you should drive to her, and you could see the baby. "A road to a friend's is never long!" I think you should pick up something small for baby, and tell her that YOU were thinking, and you think that being she just had the baby, and he or she is so little, that you would totally understand if she wanted to back out as BM. Ask her how she feels, and make it all about her, that way she still wouldn't feel obligated. Is this her first child? I don't have any children, but I struggle with the thought of having one. I just can't imagine having a little one, and then being gone for so many hours either. Being a guest at a wedding is one thing, and being a part of a wedding is another. Plus, is she breastfeeding? Will her dress not fit her due to pregnancy weight gain or loss (no prego belly anymore)? IDK, but in my opinion, if you honestly think that you would feel OK with her backing down, with no hard feelings, then I think you should tell her, and let her! Let us know the outcome. HTH!!!!

brose123

Thank You, I think i will take a trip there a just talk to her, and of course i wanna see my nephew!! And there truely will be not bad feelings, i will be upset that she cant be in the wedding, but it is her first child, and i wouldnt feel comfortable if i was in her shoes. i just wanted to make sure i should approach her first or let her approach me...people are telling me not to say anything cause it will make her think i dont want her to be in the wedding, which is NOT the case at all. i will let you know how it goes

cu97tiger

I do NOT think you should approach her. I do think it will give her the impression that you don't want her in the wedding any longer. Is there not a way that she could still be in the wedding? Seamstresses can add fabric to a dress if necessary. A family member could hold the baby while she is standing up front with you. The fact that you didn't mention those options makes me think you maybe don't want her up front? My suggestion is not to bring it up to her, but if she mentions it, offer her alternatives that do NOT include kicking her out of the wedding party.

kostyalya

I agree with cu97tiger. One of my bm just had her first child, and she's going to be with me all day, WITH her baby. We're all gathering here to have hair and makeup done before the wedding, and both she and my MOH (also with a nursing baby) will have the little ones with them for all of it. The only time that little ones won't be in their arms is during the ceremony and introductions. She got her dress altered to fit, and while it'll be a little inconvenient, she's juggling both "new mama responsibility" with bm responsibility. I just haven't asked or expected her to do anything in terms of wedding preparations. I told her, just show up and look beautiful!

brose123

thank you ladies, i do want her in the wedding, and i dont want her to feel like if i approach her that i dont want her there. I will just see if she says anything and if not then she will be there, and i did already tell her the baby could come and be here with everyone. and i actually ordered a 2 yards of fabric just to have, so i can tell her i have that as well. Thank you ladies, i am glad i didnt say anything to her before i read these.

w+c3

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:ab13d9a0-61af-46f5-aba5-21cb7045cfd3Post:92c15cd9-284a-45dc-8bd0-5eae77227b0b">Re: opinions please..</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I do NOT think you should approach her. I do think it will give her the impression that you don't want her in the wedding any longer.</strong> Is there not a way that she could still be in the wedding? Seamstresses can add fabric to a dress if necessary. A family member could hold the baby while she is standing up front with you. The fact that you didn't mention those options makes me think you maybe don't want her up front? My suggestion is not to bring it up to her, but if she mentions it, offer her alternatives that do NOT include kicking her out of the wedding party.
Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]

That is kinda what I was thinking. Like she was too much of a hassel now because she had the baby baggage. Idk. I'd tred lightly if I were you. Plus she will still be very hormonal