How would you handle this?

w+c3

So here is my situation. This in invite related.

Justin= ex-groomsman who just left for marines
Justin + Kate = couple for 2 years (not super serious if that matters?)
Kate = ex-roommate of mine...I moved out in may...we also had 2 other roommates. We haven't really talked but maybe twice since I moved out just because we don't live near eachother and we weren't that close of friends.


Now that Justin isn't coming to the wedding do I still invite Kate?  I invited her to my bridal shower and talked to her to get her address. She never mentioned that she wouldn't make it (she lived like 1 1/2 hours away). Never called. Didn't send a card. Didn't send a gift. Not even a fb message about being sorry she missed it.

So is she still on the wedding list or off?

arrestclementine

I think because you invited her to the bridal shower she should also be invited to the wedding.  To be honest i'd be surprised if she came to the wedding if you guys don't talk that much.  But you  never know.

w+c3

I didn't invite any of my other roommates. And the only reason we were really inviting her was because she is dating a groomsman. But she was always so interested in my wedding planning when we lived together that I felt guilty not inviting her because our bfs shared an apartment so we consequently spent a lot of time together.

rachel801231

Because she was invited to the bridal shower, etiquette says you invite her to the wedding.  Now given circumstances and that she was only invited by default, I wouldn't invite her to the wedding (unless Justin would be upset if you didn't).  I know I may get a lot of flack for this but hey, it's your wedding.  And besides, she wouldn't really be able to have a plus one because if she brought another date that would be AWKWARD!  But I suppose she could bring a girlfriend, but then it could be an ex roommate.  So with these scenarios in play, just skip the invite lol.

jbrook12

From my understanding, if you invite her to the shower then etiquette says you invite her to the wedding as well. They way I see if, you can invite her and if she doesn't feel comfortable coming without Justin then she doesn't have to. At least then you would be leaving it up to her to decide that. I would worry that if you didn't invite her she might feel slighted that you invited her to the shower but not the wedding, but thats just me.

brittandjp

Technically, yes, she should get an invite. IF you do decide to invite her, I'd honestly be surprised if she showed up. If I were invited to a shower, rather I could make it or not, but then didn't get an invite to the wedding I would seriously think wtf?

That being said, would it be awkward for her to come since you didn't invite the other roommates? Do they all still talk? That could get a bit messy. Although, if you don't talk to any of them ever (especially since Justin is gone), then I suppose it doesn't really matter. If you see her randomly and she's constantly asking about it, perhaps she does want to come. Maybe she forgot about the shower? Unlikely, but you never know..

When all is said and done, it's your wedding. If she's not really a friend and your not concerned about what she thinks, then I'd say you shouldn't stress about making sure she gets an invite. Then again, it's still sort of rude. I don't know..ahh, I'm totally torn on this one. Sorry, wish I could be of more help!

kamarks08

I would still send an invitation addressed to her and Justin. Just for the heck of it. It's highly unlikely that she's coming, and (not that this is the only reasoning for it) you MIGHT get a gift out of it. But other than that, I wouldn't feel inclined to if y'all aren't close.

w+c3

So if I send an invite to I do it to:
Her and Justin
Just her
Her & guest??

brittandjp

If her and Justin are still "talking," I would address it to the two of them. IF they aren't, then I'd probably just send one to her. However, I'm not extending the plus guest to anyone that's not in a relationship.

Siglers0412

I think because she blew off the shower and her bf isn't coming, she's off the list.

cmac3504

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_would-handle-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:ad6e28e5-fdaf-4589-8bcb-4eda6ec4cd10Post:daf10fcd-8ffe-4467-a353-2c0bc208a26d">Re: How would you handle this?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would still send an invitation addressed to her and Justin. Just for the heck of it. It's highly unlikely that she's coming, and (not that this is the only reasoning for it) you MIGHT get a gift out of it. But other than that, I wouldn't feel inclined to if y'all aren't close.
Posted by kamarks08[/QUOTE]

I would go with this.  Invite Kate & Justin.  Even though you already know Justin can't make it, it sounds like he's still a close friend and it would be nice to include him.  I also wouldn't want her coming with another guest.  Chances are she won't come by herself.. but at least you're not breaking the "rule" of "if you invite her to the shower then she must be invited to the wedding!"

rebeccaa12

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_would-handle-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:ad6e28e5-fdaf-4589-8bcb-4eda6ec4cd10Post:c24ee1a2-89e6-45a7-9a2f-53e5c1cc707f">Re: How would you handle this?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think because you invited her to the bridal shower she should also be invited to the wedding.  To be honest i'd be surprised if she came to the wedding if you guys don't talk that much.  But you  never know.
Posted by amber0389[/QUOTE]

This- took the words right off my keyboard.

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_would-handle-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:ad6e28e5-fdaf-4589-8bcb-4eda6ec4cd10Post:c24ee1a2-89e6-45a7-9a2f-53e5c1cc707f">Re: How would you handle this?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think because you invited her to the bridal shower she should also be invited to the wedding.  To be honest i'd be surprised if she came to the wedding if you guys don't talk that much.  But you  never know.
Posted by amber0389[/QUOTE]

<div>You took the words right out of my mouth, amber. </div><div>
</div><div>It isn't her fault that Justin got deployed, and while she did not seem to acknowledge your shower, you didn't invite her just to get a gift, so that isn't really a good reason to un-invite her to the wedding. From what you've said, though, she probably won't come anyway.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: I think you just invite her, not her and a guest. The best thing to do is probably put her AND Justin's name on it to clear up any confusion.</div>