Where to begin? Sorry this is SOO long.
6 years ago this Easter my mom tried to kill herself. She was hospitalized for several months (she has severe depression/anxiety/bipolar issues and was on a whole mix of bad meds) anyways LONG story short, after all that was sort of said and done my dad couldn't take it anymore ... This was not the first time that this has happened. So they ended up getting divorced after over 20 years of marriage. The divorce was finalized like two years ago. So my family which has been my dad, mom, sister, and myself was pretty much destroyed. My dad is an alcoholic. He doesn’t get drunk every night but he drinks constantly. Like he only drinks beer and coffee. After about 10am he switches over to beer…. Don’t get me wrong he is a wonderful man, with a huge heart, and would do anything for me when he is sober…. But drunk/drinking completely different.
Ok so anyways my FI and I have been together for over 6 years. So ever since this all happened I have leaned on him for a lot of support and thus his family. They kind of know what’s going on but not really – I don’t really like to talk about it much because I always feel like people judge me and I feel like they think I’m going to be just like them both – which I’m not. I know it’s probably irrational but just how I feel. So needless to say I spend a LOT of time with his family and I LOVE IT! Like we go there and spend almost every weekend with them. Its not just his parents but his twin brother and his wife, his other brothers/sisters and their children (so almost my nieces/nephews all which are under the age of 4) So it is so much fun to hang out with them and play with the kids and you know just hang out. They live on a farm so its so nice to just be able to do whatever.
So here’s the problem. We were supposed to go up to my dad’s on Saturday afternoon to go out to eat for thanksgiving. I get a call from my sister after she gets done with work and says she’s on her way up to dad’s house (he moved after the divorce and now lives 2 hours away from FI’s parents instead of 30 minutes). Asks what time I’m going up there and if I have talked to dad at all today. I said we were going to be leaving shortly and no I hadn’t talked to him yet, why? She then tells me that he is at the bar and that he is drunk. I said well I’m not sure if I want to drive all the way up there if he is just going to pass out…. What fun is that? So she says well call me back and let me know. I call my dad and talk to him – Yep he is drunk. I said I will call him back in a couple of minutes. Because I wanted to talk to FI to see if he still wanted to go up there or not. He said yeah sure lets go we haven’t hung out with him in awhile…. Well after a couple of phone calls my sister/dad call me saying that I’m better than them and that I don’t want to have anything to do with the family and all this other BS. My sister left me such a hateful voicemail (If I could upload it I would) … I would never say something like that to someone I cared about.
My dad left me like 3 or 4 voicemails saying that I treat him like shiit and all this other stuff… But I don’t. Sure I don’t visit him as much as he’d probably like but I hate just going up there and he passes out and drinks all day…. Not only that but he works 2nd shift so Friday is when we’d like to go up and spend the whole weekend up there he isn’t there because he’s working…. I don’t know I borrow him money whenever he needs it never ask him to pay me back let him stay out our house (its closer to his work than his house if he needs to) … but still he feels like I treat him like shiit?
I thought I would get an apology phone call from my dad yesterday … no phone call/text from either my dad or sister. So I haven’t talked to them since Saturday. I wrote them an email this morning because trying to talk to them over the phone is just pointless…. I even forwarded all of their voicemails that they left me back to them in the email so they can listen to them…..
This just makes me super sad. I already thought that they might not be able to come to our wedding because we are doing a DW in vegas and since neither of them are good with managing money…..But now I think about it how ridiculous I’m going to feel when I have no family there to support me (I will have some close friends) and he has his entire family there…. Maybe I’m just being petty …
This was kind of pointless. But it feels better to kind of get it out. I think I need therapy or something ……