No seating assignment at reception? Regional Norm?

cjspencer35

Assigned seating seems to be the norm - it's all over the Knot.  But I'm from a rural central Indiana town and I have NEVER been to a wedding where seating was assigned.  Granted most people I know don't spend a fortune on their weddings, but all the weddings I've been to guests seated themselves wherever they wanted and most were buffet style dinners being served.
If you do a seating arrangement, how do you account for last minute changes to the guest list?  What if someone brings their significant other assuming they were allowed a +1, that you didn't account for?  
I would like to at least reserve a couple tables designated for immediate family up front.  What do you think about making general table assignments, ex. Reserved for the Smiths, College Friends, etc. with a little more thought put into phrasing, but you get the idea.

jennalynn10

I think it's a regional thing...most definitely!  Midwest weddings are usually more laid back.  I think (and this is what I will be doing for my wedding) your best bet is reserving a few tables up front for immediate family and that's it.  Most people know where they should sit.  Your college friends will sit in a corner and all group together.  Your immediate family will sit close to the head table and extended family will sit in the middle.  I know the last thing I want to be worrying about at my reception is where ppl are sitting.  As long as everyone has a seat and some silverware what more do you really need!  I think seating charts are just a HUGE headache! good luck!

cjspencer35

Thanks! You reaffirmed my first decision.  I think was second guessing myself after getting a Knot overdose!

maratea

We didn't have a seating chart. We had two tables near our table reserved for our parents/grandparents, but outside of that, everyone was on their own. I have been to weddings with seating charts, and it was kind of awkward because I didn't know anyone else at the table except H.

vicki0508

I'm also not doing a seating chart.  I'll have reserved tables for immediate family, but other than that I just don't want to have to care about where people sit.  I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way

Birdie1483

OP, I replied to your post on the reception ideas board, but you're right. I definitely think it's a regional thing. I've been to a ton of weddings and only one had assigned tables with escort cards.

I got into a debate on one of the international boards a couple weeks ago and everyone was like "omg how can you just leave your guests hanging like that?! That's wrong! That's rude!" I told FI about it because it really upset me and he thought it was definitely weird. I said if anything, our guests won't even know to look for escort cards and then those that see them will go to their table and others will be sitting there uknowingly and then it could turn into a big mess at the beginning of the reception.

I think you know your guests the best, so I say you do what you think is best.

inkygirl

I'm gonna be opposite here and say that I hate going to a wedding where there isn't a seating chart.  It's awkward and I never know where to sit and it makes me anxious.  I've also been told that if you don't do assigned seats, you need to plan for 30% more tables, chairs and centerpieces because people won't fill up tables.  I was at a wedding over the summer where there wasn't assigned seats and there were open chairs at every table because no one filled a table.  It was crazy.  One thing to be careful with is that if you do the reserved tables, you need to make sure that the people who are supposed to sit there know it.  I was at a wedding where I was a cousin of the bride and there were like 4 or 5 tables with signs "Reserved for Bride's Family" on it and we didn't know if we were supposed to sit there.  There were so many of them, but we hadn't been told, so we didn't sit there.  Turns out that we were supposed to, but had no clue. 

cjspencer35

I see your point Inkygirl.  That was mainly the reason I doubted the open seating.  I don't know that we will be able to provide many extra tables/chairs.  My sitting down and spending an hour on a seating chart might be less awkward than 200 ppl having a free-for-all.  But I am sure some people will move around and visit anyway.  

alehayes

We'll be assigning tables, but it's more of a precaution than anything.  I have quite a few members of my family who I love, but who do NOT get along with each other.  By assigning tables, I can keep people in separate areas of the room and therefore decrease the amount of potential drama.

cjspencer35

Ok, so I just attended my FI's cousin's wedding this past weekend.  It's very similar in venue type as our wedding will be.  They did assign seating.  Knowing this particular bride, I am not surprised she would have thought to do this as she's the type that wants every tiny detail set in stone.

However, when we got into the reception venue they had the place cards right at the entrance for everyone to pick up.  This caused some blockage at the doorway.  People couldn't get in out of the cool fall weather very quickly.  Then once we got our table assignment and located our table, a group of the groom's friends told us they wanted to sit at our table and were quite insistent that we trade them tables.  We noticed a lot of people had swapped tables and a lot of cousins were kind of irritated that they were seated with friends of the bride and groom they'd never met before rather than their family.  So in the end, everyone did whatever they wanted anyway.

I was told she spent 3 hours working out the seating chart.  Double reaffirmed, I won't assign seating.  Apparently this region is ALLERGIC to being told where to sit. L.O.L.

sarahlm619

I know I'm in late to this discussion...however I thought I'd bring up this point...

First -- I'm not sure if I'm going to do assigned seating myself...but...

a friend of mine, a mother of 2, mentioned that assigned seating is nice because she and her husband don't have to worry about finding a table where there are multiple openings!  A lot of my cousins have children...most have 3-4...so I'm thinking in order to avoid them feeling like they're not going to have to find a table with 5-6 openings...I MAY do assigned seating...

the children thing is really the only good argument I've heard for assigned seating...so I guess it may depend on what your wedding guest list looks like!

laceemouse

I agree, our reception venue is MAKING us do a seating chart. Otherwise, we might not be doing one. They say it happens at every wedding, some larger group (like a family with kids) comes in late and gets angry because there is not an open table for them to all sit together. Then they want the staff to make people move so they can all sit together. The staff refuses to deal with this, they don't have time, so we have to make a chart.

If my hubby and I came in late (I am the mother of the bride this time) with our 4 kids to a wedding we would just split up. We would never demand that other people be moved. But it seems that is what people do.

I also can't believe people ask people to switch with them. That is rude. Just eat and then get up and mingle.

GetLost

I'm going to be total different and not even provide enough seating for everyone that will be there!    Mwhahahaaa...   But seriously, there will be 300 guests and we are having the reception in a very cool old building with 2 floors (it's free and awesome so I have to make it work) and there just isn't enough space to seat more than 200 people on one floor at one time.  And the other floor needs to be reserved for cocktails, mingling, dancing etc... So, somehow I've got to convey to 300 people that we aren't having an all sit down at once dinner, it's going to be more of a go up and nibble when you feel like it kind of meal.  I guess I'm having a cocktail reception with the opportunity to sit down and eat and rest your feet if you need to.  Anyone have any bright ideas on how cocktail receptions work?  What kind of food do you serve?  Hor d'oeuvres are expensive...  Is there a happy medium between hor d'oeuvres and a hot buffet?  I'm thinking I should post these questions as a new thread... 

But to put my own two cents in, I think there are pros and cons to assigned seating.  Pro - if you don't know many people, it's easier to get to know the people you are forced to sit with, Con - people don't mingle as much, they find their seat and they anchor it to the floor most of the night.  Pro - Large families get to easily sit together, Con - You can't please everyone and people will be unhappy with their seat assignment. 

I also think it's mean to seat the bridesmaids and groomsmen without their significant other if that person wasn't also in the bridal party.  Especially if the significant doesn't know many people at the wedding.  I've been on both sides of it... and it's no fun.

tajaroux

Hey, I realize I'm joining this conversation very late, but I'm going to share my two cents )

For the ceremony, we aren't doing bride's side and groom's side. There are four blocks of pews at the chuch, so the two inside ones will be for family and the two outside will be for friends. My family is HUGE and his is really small.

At the reception, we are doing assigned seating, and we will ask our emcee (just one of my friends - I can't stand DJ's) to announce during cocktail hour that we request that people stay at their assigned tables - we believe a wedding is about bringing our lives together, not segregating it based on familial ties, college friends, etc.

At each of our tables, we will have some family members and friends mixed together from both sides. We are also doing a separate kids table and the parents of the kids will be at the tables surrounding it. We will also have a few tables of our single friends (since its sometimes awkward trying to figure out who the single people are!) and a table for our friends who are not single but their SO couldn't be there. Seating arrangements will also be based on personality, etc. to a certain extent (I'm not seating my gay friends next to my ultra-conservative aunt!)

We are doing this to accomplish two things: letting the people in our lives that are important to us get to know each other, and to encourage people to get up, dance and mingle after dinner.