Flower Girls

Xoxbreanne

Hi All,

I am in quite a dilemma when it comes to flower girls.  This is a tradition that my family has, and of course, everyone loves seeing one or two little girls walking down the aisle.

Unfortunately the two little girls that I wanted to pick as my flower girls are literally not allowed to come to my wedding.  They are my grooms nieces, but their father, the best man, has not been in their lives since a divorce three years ago.  I completely understand why their mother is not comfortable with them being around them, but now I need to find someone else.

My family doesn't actually have any little girls in it, but I am a nanny for a family who has two little girls and a little boy.  These kids have been a huge part of my life for the past 3 years and I have watched them all grow.  I love them, and their parents, and they have been so good to me over the years.  

Would it be strange to ask if these little ones could be flower girls?

MrsGandthebeag

First of all, I don't think it's necessary to have a flower girl.  If you really want them though, I think it's fine to ask the parents of the kids you nanny for.  But, be advised that you'd have to invite the parents as well.

AddieCake

No, you don't NEED to find someone else. You shouldn't try to fill a role with random kids just so you will have flower girls and ring bearers. That being said, if you WANT to include the children you nanny for, that is fine. And yes, you will definitely need to invite their parents as well. 

Xoxbreanne

The family is getting invited to the wedding whether the children are in the wedding or not. And it's not a matter of needing to have flower girls, it is a tradition in my family that I would like to continue.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_flower-girls-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:19867a4d-8426-4950-b451-e583ffe51373Post:8ba6adca-51a5-4291-8743-51da95b13b5f">Re: Flower Girls</a>:
[QUOTE]The family is getting invited to the wedding whether the children are in the wedding or not.<strong> And it's not a matter of needing to have flower girls, it is a tradition in my family that I would like to continue.</strong>
Posted by Xoxbreanne[/QUOTE]

<div>Well, your post said you needed to find some. So if you didn't actually know any little girls, what would you do? Have to break "tradition," I guess. </div>

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_flower-girls-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:19867a4d-8426-4950-b451-e583ffe51373Post:5b4b0047-733d-4ef4-a424-72d65a714a33">Re: Flower Girls</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm with Addie on this one. If you want to include the girls you nanny for that is fine. But using them to fill a traditional role because they are the right gender and age is not cool, you'd just be using them as props.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

I am too.  You should only include people in your wedding party because you are close to them and they are close to you-not to fill roles.  That includes children.  It's really hurtful to be asked to be in a wedding party as a replacement for someone else, because that suggests you care more about filling the role than about the person filling it.  So if you want to include your nanny charges (and you'll have to invite their parents if you do), it should be because you feel close to them-not to have two girls in fancy dresses playing the part of "flower girl."

erinlin25

Were you close with FI best mans kids? That relationship seemed more random than the kids you nanny for.  Of course unless he had a connection with the kids then it is not so random.  Anyway, I agree with PPs on the level that if you were not close to the kids you nanny for it would be odd, but it sounds like you were close to them and there parents were going to be invited regardless, so they seem like an acceptable pick.

Its not like we will ever be friends with our flower girls/ring bearer.  But yes, pick kids that are special to you-- someone you can look back at pictures as say I'm so happy she was a flower girl, etc. When I was a little girl I was a flower girl in both my older cousins wedding-- I lived in CA, they lived in NY-- I only met them a few times but I definitely looked up to them as my older cousins. Were we super close? No, but I was thrilled to be a special part of their wedding and even though we live on opposite sides of the country we still maintain a relationship (they are coming to my wedding and mentioned how special it is to see their flower girl now get married).  My flower girl is my best friends daughter-- Do I see my flower girl everyday, no, but my best friend is special to me and so having her daughter as my flower girl is an honor. 

We all will have different relationships with the kids we choose.  PPS are right that its not a requirement, but as long as you or FI have kids that are not random (like you have never met or barely know) then its acceptable to include them.