Is it frowned upon to not have a unity ceremony?

Vivi+Pete

I'm torn about whether we should include a unity ceremony of some sort in our ceremony. Most of the weddings I've attended have a unity candle. More and more I'm hearing about all sorts of other unity ceremonies, like sand or wine. I've always thought that the unity candle is kind of overkill, and that the wedding ceremony itself should suffice. If we don't include a unity ceremony, will our guests think that's weird or inappropriate? I don't want to do anything incorrect.

coopsbaby

Nope. The wedding itself is a unity ceremony. I didn't do one with my first marriage, not doing one with this marriage. They mostly seem like filler to me (which is fine), but I cut out all the extras. Short and sweet!

monkeysip

Yup... the ceremony is unifying by itself.  You don't need sand or wine or candles to do it. 

We're not having one either.  If such a ceremony (or something else) has special meaning to you, then by all means, do it.  But it's certainly not necessary.

Vivi+Pete

It's a relief to hear that I'm not the only one who sees the unity ceremony as unnecessary. Thanks for the input!

Ali092011

We didn't do a unity ceremony or even any readings. Our ceremony lasted about fifteen minutes tops and it was perfect.

tiny speck

We're not doing anything extra either. The ceremony itself is a unity ceremony.

Tandksmommy

I did a unity candle my first wedding because I was kind of afraid to go out of the box. This time, Im not doing it--waste of time in my opinion.

NOLAbridealmost

Nope! Not at all.  Skip it if you want.  We skipped it too. So did my brother at his wedding.  We're all still very much married.  

coopsbaby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_is-it-frowned-upon-to-not-have-a-unity-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:199cefe2-fbef-4f2b-b6cf-e7c039826b38Post:0a6bb8c4-21bf-46d1-abc2-db4ca6c84b27">Re: Is it frowned upon to not have a unity ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've only seen a unity candle at one wedding, back in the 80s. I've never seen a rose or sand ceremony - in fact, I never heard of them until The Knot, and I'm 48.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You should consider yourself very lucky! EVERYBODY does them here, I swear. Or the wine ceremony. Sometimes they have 2!!! I am getting so much flack from people because I'm not doing any extras, it's crazy.

</div>

Lisa50

A few of your guests might think absence of a "unity ceremony" is a bit strange, but I doubt the majority will give it a second thought.  The wedding ceremony is a unity ceremony; nothing more is needed. 

ScrabbleAndLlamas

Unity ceremonies are a relatively new phenomenon.  My mom is the wedding coordinator for our church, and we do not permit unity ceremonies, the idea being that the wedding is unity enough.  Honestly, I'm not a huge fan of them, so I would probably be relieved that there was no unity ceremony.  If you're grasping at straws trying to find one, just don't bother.

Jen4948

I happen to agree with you that a wedding is in and of itself a "unity ceremony," but I guess different religions, congregations, and backgrounds all have their own customs about it, so whether or not you have one depends on that as well as one's personal tastes.

To each his own.

lovesclimbing

Nope, it won't be weird.  My mom pushed communion for just the two of us and a unity candle and FI and I wanted neither (fortunately, she's wonderful and once we said no, she hasn't said another word about it).

I think unity candles are kind of cheesy personally but that's just me.  Anyway, I've been to several weddings without unity candles and they were wonderful and I never even thought twice about it.

Katred08

definitely don't worry about it.  i think they're cheesy and we're skipping it.  i will say, that all the officiants we met with seemed to think it was odd that we wanted nothing to do with any unity ceremonies though.  they seemed eager to push it on us.  when we said we didn't want a candle they were very quick to suggest sand, wine, etc.