Okay, so here's the deal. I come from an extremely large family (I'm talking about my mom being one of 17 children), and I do not want to invite all of them to my wedding. Some of my aunts and uncles I am not close with and I don't even know some of my cousin's names! The only awkward uncle I'm concerned about is the father of my favourite cousin who will be standing up as my man of honor...I do not want to invite that uncle.
He's been in and out of mental institutions since early adulthood and has some really psychopathic tendencies. At my little sister's baby shower, he made inappropriate comments about her to others AND to her face (like, sexually inappropriate jokes...to a pregnant woman....who is his niece....) (I know men shouldn't go to baby showers btw, this is just how this family has always worked, we roll events into other things, like over thanksgiving dinner we had another baby shower etc.). My uncle also makes some of my other relatives VERY uncomfortable (once, we were at a family reunion and he almost drowned one of my cousin's because he was "horsing around" in the lake with her, another time he broke into one of my aunt's houses when she and her husband weren't home and just the kids were home with a babysitter and he chased the poor babysitter around and the kids had to run for help...yeah, crazy.)
I feel pretty justified not inviting him even though he's not like other relatives who live far away and I don't know very well. On the contrary, I feel I know him well enough to know I DON'T want to see him on this one day.
My problem is that it feels really awkward because his son is my closest relative and is obviously standing up in my wedding. I told my cousin how I feel about his father and not wanting him there, he seemed to understand...but then his dad was asking about the wedding over Thanksgiving (no one in my family knows how to keep their mouth shut)! I do not want him thinking he is invited, but I do not know how to make this work.
Any advice on how to draw up some boundaries or make it clear? Do I just avoid any kind of wedding talk with ANY family members?
Help! I can only imagine this will come up again with Xmas approaching...