NWR Sex

mancila60

I know most of us have felt uncomfortable during sex at least once. But what is it that makes you feel the most un comfortable?

What makes you feel the most comfortable?

I figured we could have a little NWR talk since it's been very quiet and slow around here lately.

bruna29

Oh! I love NWR talk.

Most uncomfortable would probably be my body size. I've been trying to get motivated to lose some weight, but I always have excuses. It sucks. I just need to push myself to exercise.

Most comfortable is probably FI. He always tells me I'm beautiful even when I'm feeling ugly.

mancila60

Uncomfortable is body size which I figured all or most of us will feel the same on this one.

Most comfortable is when FI holds me a certain way or touches my body a certain way that I feel smaller than I really am.

My waist is super tiny compaired to my hips and everything else. I wear a 18/20 in pants but my waist is about a 8/10.

Nindakay

I agree with PPs.  I feel very uncomfortable about my midsection.  MY FI tells me that I am beautiful all the time (and gets upset if I try to disagree with him).  His love for the way I look, and accepting me as I am makes me feel sexy, and gives me more confidence than I would have in myself otherwise.

I love that man!

dubird

The fact that I'm gaining my grandmother's thighs doesn't exactly make me feel sexy.  ><  But on the other hand, waist and hip are apparently my FI's favorite curves on me, which I find really endearing.

em01092

I feel the most uncomfortable when my nipples are not hard and my bra is off. I feel like a 5 year old with implants, which is not sexy. I'll leave my bra on a lot, especially when I'm on top (not just because of that but it hurts to not have one on, for me anyway). Other times, I try not to think about it, or FI will notice and, ahem, do something about it. =D

I don't know when I feel the most comfortable. Anytime other than the above, really. That's the main thing that makes me not feel sexy. Oh well and when I've just had a bunch of pizza or something, but that doesn't count. =P

mancila60

Can we please have NWR topics about once a day or at least more than once a week? This board needs to be more active it was so busy at first and no it's like it died!

TYRAnnosaurus

I feel the most uncomfortable about my middle.
I feel my sexiest when my FI cuddles up behind me in bed and we talk about random things while holding me. We usually end up laughing super hard about  stupid things we've seen/done/heard/thought that day.

BubbsNBubbs

I agree mancila!!!!

I feel least comfortable with my tummy....which my honeybear calls my "squishy".  It started as something my little brother called it and I liked that...so when my honey found out...he started calling it the squishy.  The funny part is...he loves my squishy! Which allows me to be more comfortable. 

One of the first times we ever got down and dirty, I was embarassed about my tummy and put a pillow in the way to cover it up.  We were still in post-cuddle and he said he noticed that I was "covering up" and asked me why.  I told him that I was embarassed...and he said to me "you never have to worry about that with me...I like what I see, so please do not ever feel like you have to cover up with me.  I love your body, all of it. Please don't ruin my view....I like what I see, that's why I am here. ( I think fell in love with him in that moment)

mancila60

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-sex?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:234df181-3200-45ea-89dd-b29fc81626e0Post:5d7641d9-6802-49d3-bfd1-29142c58bbde">Re: NWR Sex</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree mancila!!!! I feel least comfortable with my tummy....which my honeybear calls my "squishy".  It started as something my little brother called it and I liked that...so when my honey found out...he started calling it the squishy.  The funny part is...he loves my squishy! <3 Which allows me to be more comfortable.  One of the first times we ever got down and dirty, I was embarassed about my tummy and put a pillow in the way to cover it up.  We were still in post-cuddle and he said he noticed that I was "covering up" and asked me why.  I told him that I was embarassed...and he said to me <strong>"you never have to worry about that with me...I like what I see, so please do not ever feel like you have to cover up with me.  I love your body, all of it. Please don't ruin my view....I like what I see, that's why I am here.</strong> ( I think fell in love with him in that moment)
Posted by BubbsNBubbs[/QUOTE]


OMG best thing I have ever heard! If that doesn't make you feel sexy I don't know what will. LOVE it!

BubbsNBubbs

Yes, I really do feel so lucky to have someone who not only accepts me for how my body looks...but actually likes it...alot. He tells me that he loves my renaissance body style and that he hates how skinny=pretty in today's world.

random4180

It's my squish, hah. I have a short torso AND my weight tends to gather there- double whammy, right? I have outweighed my FI since I've known him but he is so, so good at making me feel awesome. I've never been afraid to let him see me because he so clearly wants to! I mean, we're really comfortable with each other and it helps me forget that I have a big tummy and no boobs and I sweat after about two minutes of sexy time exertion...

Nindakay

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-sex?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:234df181-3200-45ea-89dd-b29fc81626e0Post:5d7641d9-6802-49d3-bfd1-29142c58bbde">Re: NWR Sex</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree mancila!!!! I feel least comfortable with my tummy....which my honeybear calls my "squishy".  It started as something my little brother called it and I liked that...so when my honey found out...he started calling it the squishy.  The funny part is...he loves my squishy! <3 Which allows me to be more comfortable.  One of the first times we ever got down and dirty, I was embarassed about my tummy and put a pillow in the way to cover it up.  We were still in post-cuddle and he said he noticed that I was "covering up" and asked me why.  I told him that I was embarassed...<strong>and he said to me "you never have to worry about that with me...I like what I see, so please do not ever feel like you have to cover up with me.  I love your body, all of it. Please don't ruin my view....I like what I see, that's why I am here. </strong>( I think fell in love with him in that moment)
Posted by BubbsNBubbs[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>LOVE that!!  Doesn't it make you feel incredibly confident?  My FI has never said things exactly like that, but he says similar things.  And I am a big girl (size 26/28), and it's so amazing that he loves me the way I am and doesn't ask me to change.

</div>

Nindakay

All this sexy talk is making me feel.....erm....excited for my honeymoon!! *we are waiting.....)

81 days!!

margaret0618

Okay, I have a question, I don't know if this is exactly the right spot to ask it but here goes anyway. Have any of you ever had your fiances or husbands make comments about being scared to have sex with you because of your size?

Mine has made comments and it hurts sooo bad. I'm getting teary eyed just writing about it. He is supportive of me, except for my weight and is always suggesting weight loss drugs, etc.

Thoughts?

Nindakay

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-sex?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:234df181-3200-45ea-89dd-b29fc81626e0Post:47ef2e8b-c0c9-4d69-bd03-d39d671cf97e">Re: NWR Sex</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, I have a question, I don't know if this is exactly the right spot to ask it but here goes anyway. Have any of you ever had your fiances or husbands make comments about being scared to have sex with you because of your size? Mine has made comments and it hurts sooo bad. I'm getting teary eyed just writing about it. He is supportive of me, except for my weight and is always suggesting weight loss drugs, etc. Thoughts?
Posted by margaret0618[/QUOTE]

<div>Awe sweetie....I'm so sorry!!  ((BIG HUGS!!!))  My FI has never said anything like that.  I'm really not sure what to say.  But this is my suggestion.</div><div>
</div><div>Have a heart to heart with him.  Let him know how you feel, but try not to sound accusing/defensive (I know it's hard!).  Tell him "when you say ________, it makes me feel _________.  Can you please help me understand why you feel this way?"  I mean....it may be something simple like he loves you, and just wants you to be more healthy.  Or there could be something else all together.  Just be honest.  If he really loves you (and I'm sure he does!) then bare your feelings to him.  Mayve you could suggest working out TOGETHER or BOTH of you starting a more healthy diet.  Perhaps he doesn't know what he is saying makes you feel that way.  Guys just don't think like that sometimes.  I'm going through something similar to this (not over weight) with my brother.  he has said some things that hurt me a lot, but the more I think about it the more I thik we are just not on the same page.</div><div>
</div><div>HTH.  I'm so sorry!!!</div>

bruna29

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-sex?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:234df181-3200-45ea-89dd-b29fc81626e0Post:47ef2e8b-c0c9-4d69-bd03-d39d671cf97e">Re: NWR Sex</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, I have a question, I don't know if this is exactly the right spot to ask it but here goes anyway. Have any of you ever had your fiances or husbands make comments about being scared to have sex with you because of your size? Mine has made comments and it hurts sooo bad. I'm getting teary eyed just writing about it. He is supportive of me, except for my weight and is always suggesting weight loss drugs, etc. Thoughts?
Posted by margaret0618[/QUOTE]
I don't want this to come across as harsh, but if my FI ever said anything badly about my weight (especially since he knows that's an extremely sensitive topic) then I would not be marrying him. At least not right away. I need my FI to respect me as the woman I am and not expect me to change.<div>
</div><div>I'm sorry he made you feel badly. I would definitely suggest talking to him and telling him that he hurts you when he says those comments.</div>

BubbsNBubbs

Margaret,

Yes, we had a discussion about it a few months after we started having sexytime about just that.  He admitted that he was nervous about being with someone who was as big as I am. (26/28)  He said that he had dated fluffy princesses before but not as big as I am and he was nervous about how it was all going to fit together so to speak.  He's a thinner, tall man.  It hurt my feelings to hear it.  He saw that and explained to me that after the first few times of messing around he was at ease and it was no longer an issue. 

Fast forward to today....he says that he doesn't have a problem with how big I get until it interfers with sexytime.  Then it's an issue. 

My family has more of a problem with my size and more recently approached him about "convincing me" to lose weight.  When he told me about the conversations that were had, he told me that he loved me no matter what but that my family was pressuring him to do something.  Luckily for me he told them he loved me just as I am and that he knew I would not be OK with them talking to him about it and asked them to drop it. 

Of course now when we go to the grocery store he is trying to make better choices....1% milk instead of 2% (which I prefer anyway, we drank 2% cause if he had his way we would do Vitamin D) things like that.

I guess only you know if your man is saying these things from a place of love and concern for your health or if he just wishes you were thinner for vanity reasons.  I would have a heartfelt chat with him about how when he says "x", it makes you feel "y".  And don't mince words or make it seem less.  You have to be honest with him and with your self.

cinderellasjc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-sex?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:234df181-3200-45ea-89dd-b29fc81626e0Post:47ef2e8b-c0c9-4d69-bd03-d39d671cf97e">Re: NWR Sex</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, I have a question, I don't know if this is exactly the right spot to ask it but here goes anyway. Have any of you ever had your fiances or husbands make comments about being scared to have sex with you because of your size? Mine has made comments and it hurts sooo bad. I'm getting teary eyed just writing about it. He is supportive of me, except for my weight and is always suggesting weight loss drugs, etc. Thoughts?
Posted by margaret0618[/QUOTE]


I have to agree with PP - little harsh but I too would rethink marrying him.  I personally would kick his ass out the door and say "look at that (however much he weighs) __pounds lost just like that......

entropicbeauty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-sex?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:234df181-3200-45ea-89dd-b29fc81626e0Post:47ef2e8b-c0c9-4d69-bd03-d39d671cf97e">Re: NWR Sex</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, I have a question, I don't know if this is exactly the right spot to ask it but here goes anyway. Have any of you ever had your fiances or husbands make comments about being scared to have sex with you because of your size? Mine has made comments and it hurts sooo bad. I'm getting teary eyed just writing about it. He is supportive of me, except for my weight and is always suggesting weight loss drugs, etc. Thoughts?
Posted by margaret0618[/QUOTE]

<div>SCARED to have sex with you? That is some insensitve BULLSHIT right there. My FI has NEVER said anything like that to me. When I was binge eating he expressed his concern for my overall health, but it came from a caring place, not an asshole place. We now exercise together and are making efforts to cook healthy meals. It is a JOINT effort. We emotionally support eachother and that is what makes our relationship so solild.</div><div>
It's definitely time to sit down and have a talk with him, OR maybe take a look at your relationship as a whole. Is this the only time he's been a diick like this? Is he commonly making you feel bad for not just your weight but other things? Without knowing more it's hard to say, but that was definitely unacceptable and cold of him to say. There are much better ways to discuss important topics with your loved ones.</div><div>
</div><div>You have a community of understanding ladies here, so feel free to stick around for discussion!</div>

mancila60

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-sex?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:234df181-3200-45ea-89dd-b29fc81626e0Post:81bf5a3a-9748-4431-a53e-fa6d9ccdead6">Re: NWR Sex</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR Sex : I don't want this to come across as harsh, but if my FI ever said anything badly about my weight (especially since he knows that's an extremely sensitive topic) then I would not be marrying him. At least not right away. I need my FI to respect me as the woman I am and not expect me to change. I'm sorry he made you feel badly. I would definitely suggest talking to him and telling him that he hurts you when he says those comments.
Posted by justdance93[/QUOTE]


I agree with this! I don't think I would marry my FI if he ever said anything like that to me. I mean sex does not control your relationship but it does play a big part in it. And if he or you is not comfortable with it then you need to have a heart to heart and fast!

dumdumfroggie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-sex?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:234df181-3200-45ea-89dd-b29fc81626e0Post:47ef2e8b-c0c9-4d69-bd03-d39d671cf97e">Re: NWR Sex</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, I have a question, I don't know if this is exactly the right spot to ask it but here goes anyway. Have any of you ever had your fiances or husbands make comments about being scared to have sex with you because of your size? Mine has made comments and it hurts sooo bad. I'm getting teary eyed just writing about it. He is supportive of me, except for my weight and is always suggesting weight loss drugs, etc. Thoughts?
Posted by margaret0618[/QUOTE]

<div>If he's recommending weight loss drugs (which are unhealthy) and makes comments on a frequent basis about your weight, there are some serious problems there.  That is not ok.</div><div>
</div><div>Loving you means being supportive of you, all of you, not just the parts he likes.</div>

BubbsNBubbs

First...I want to say that this is NOT what I think is going on with OP.  Just relaying a story.

A woman I know was in this exact situation....except worse.  He would make comments when nobody was around...and then in public would be all lovey-dovey with her.  She married him.  (She now admits she settled in order to get what she wanted i.e. husband, house, kids)  Well she gained quite a bit of weight after the wedding and while having their daughter. 

Evidently, after their daughter was born, behind closed doors, he would constantly talk trash about her weight and was always making her feel like less of a woman and wife for being overweight.  He ended up cheating on her....and then BLAMED HER FOR HIS CHEATING because she had gotten fat.  

I thought this over last night and I really think you need to have a heart to heart with your FI and ask him why he makes comments.  And be ready to hear things you may not want to hear. Only you can say what happens after that conversation.  

If he says, I am only concerned about your health...I love you no matter what. Explain to him that means that he needs to stop making comments about topics that make you uncomfortable, i.e. diet pills and whatnot. 

If he says....well I wish you thinner, it would make me more attracted to you and more interested in sex with you.  Then you need to decide if you want to try to lose weight to please him and in turn yourself?? ......Or say OK, the person I want and deserve to be with for the rest of my life should love me and love my body, flaws and all.  Maybe it's time to have a different conversation if you can't be that person to me.  

Sorry for the long post....I have been mulling it over since yesterday! LOL

Nindakay

I totally agree with what Bubbs just said!!  I was in a broken engagement before this one (not the same issues) - and I can tell you this with confidence.

IF you end up not together, then later on you will look back and be so glad you did.  Waiting for the right man who loves you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE TODAY is so worth the wait!!  It is hard .... so hard... to have a relationship end.  But at the end of the day, having the right man is totally worth it!!!

margaret0618

Thank you all for your words of wisdom. I have a lot to think about. Physical contact of any kind is a major stumbling block for us. Hopefully we will be able to overcome it soon.

lb1212

Margaret, 

Have you been intimate before? If you're not wanting to wait until after your wedding, find something that makes YOU feel sexy, light some candles, put on some tunes and show him there's nothing to be afraid about!   It took me a long time to reach the level of comfort I have now between my FI and me. It would take tons of prep work on my end (showering, shaving, putting on yummy smelling lotion...etc. before slipping on a sexy nightie).... I still don't want ALL the lights on....maybe after I shed another 20 pounds or so .  

My FI and I have some fights that ended with him really hurting my feelings.  It happens....I know I feel better when I've let him know how badly his words have made me feel.  

Best wishes!!