Plus-Sized

Venting time

I'm a pretty level-headed person. I hate making people angry so I'm more passive than aggressive. But I seriously think I'm going to blow up at someone in the very near future.

Vent #1
I'm close with FI's mom. At least, I was. We were close, as in, she would call me just to chat, she would go out of her way to do stuff for me, always liked my company. Well, I just found out that she apparently thinks I can be a bitch.

...what??

Back up a couple months. I got a new engagement ring. It was FI's plan, because at the time he wanted to propose, he couldn't afford my 'dream ring'. So he got me a 1ct. round solitare, and secretly had plans to replace it later on. I loved the ring he originally got me. But he knew I've always wanted a princess cut. I've always like the thicker bands. 

So, a couple months ago, he asked me if I wanted to go look at a new ring. It was a surprise, and there was no way I could pass that up. He was just trying to make me happy. We could trade in the old ring for the price we paid for it, and apply that to the price of a new ring. We walked out with a new, perfect, solitaire princess cut ring. My FI is amazing, and I appreciate him so much.

Now, as people start to notice the new ring, we didn't think we had to go into the entire story to explain why it's different. Well, now I completely regret that because I found out from FSIL that FMIL is talking about it behind my back saying that it was a bitchy move to trade in the ring her son picked out and blah blah blah. FI called his mom to call her out on it, and clear everything up. But I still can't put it past me that she could say such horrible stuff about me. AND, now I'm stressing out about EVERYONE who has noticed the new ring and doesn't know the whole story and how they think about me.

Vent #2
I also found out yesterday that all of FI's coworkers are trying to convince him not to get married. ...um, EXCUSE ME? The worst part, one of them is someone I actually considered a friend.

He works with a bunch of women. Every single one of them is in/has been in a failed marriage. One of them is married to a man, but has decided she is a lesbian, while her husband came out that he is gay. Another one constantly cheats on her husband, and then goes into work to tell everyone the stories. What ever happened to keeping your own privacy? I just can't believe how tacky this woman is. 

So, when FI told me about this conversation that he had at work, I immediately said, 'well, looks like they're not coming to the wedding'. Then he got pissed at me. Seriously? He really thinks I'm going to invite a bunch of people who don't even agree with the wedding and have flat out told him NOT TO GET MARRIED?!

These are also the people who biitched when they found out the wedding is in Detroit. One of his coworkers had the nerve to even ask 'why does it get to be where her family is, why don't you have a say? Why can't it be here?'. Number one, he did have a say, and he picked Detroit. Number two, his family doesn't live here, they are an hour away. My family is two hours away. We live in the middle of nowhere. Why would be have it here?? Number three, my family is paying for the entire thing. It's only fair to them to have it closer to them. 

It's just so frustrating how rude people can be. I can't handle it. I'm too much of a happy-go-lucky person.

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Re: Venting time

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_venting-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:4a111bcb-6e5a-484f-831a-c295c7273b87Post:bafb27ab-67c1-41a6-9d28-bc5130a54ddb">Re: Venting time</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sorry. People suck sometimes.
    Posted by djhar[/QUOTE]
     
    Ditto!

    I'm sorry you are having to deal with this!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_venting-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:4a111bcb-6e5a-484f-831a-c295c7273b87Post:d45f77ec-3b9e-4887-931c-65aa87bd3934">Venting time</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, when FI told me about this conversation that he had at work, I immediately said, 'well, looks like they're not coming to the wedding'. Then he got pissed at me. Seriously? He really thinks I'm going to invite a bunch of people who don't even agree with the wedding and have flat out told him NOT TO GET MARRIED?!
    Posted by StephLove12[/QUOTE]

    This is the kind of stuff that pisses me off as well! There are people my FI wants to invite to the wedding who have OPENLY been A**holes to me about our relationship and don't respect me OR him...so it's like, why on EARTH would you WANT to pay for them to attend a party that is about you and your love for one another/!?! Totally baffling.

    For the record, I'm on your side - explain to FI calmly why it might not be a good idea to invite people who are ultimately trying to undermine the marriage before you've even said your vows!
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  • I'm with DJ. People suck sometimes.

    I don't think you're doing anything wrong. Tradition holds that the wedding is typically held in the bride's hometown because traditionally her parents pay for it and therefore it's easier to plan when it's the home of the parents AND they get to say if they pay. It's odd that his coworkers and others would find it weird that the wedding is in Detroit. PLUS, Detroit is not that far! It's not like you're from Colorado and these people have to make the trip out there.

    Sorry about all this :(
  • Sorry you are dealing with this.  I'm lucky that most of FI coworkers are young single or happily married women.  They apparently told him to hurry up and marry her already.  The divorced women in my office haven't quite said don't get married, but they aren't as enthusiastic about it as the married women.

    Sounds like his coworkers just like complaining.  If his mom thought you demanded the new ring I could see how she would think it was a b*tchy move, but I am sure she will get over it.

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_venting-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:4a111bcb-6e5a-484f-831a-c295c7273b87Post:4f80dc04-6432-4ca9-ad8f-35691875e5f8">Re: Venting time</a>:
    [QUOTE]Detroit isn't that far from Lansing. :-P It's a nice, easy drive down I-96. I'm not sure why those people care so much. Plus, Detroit has more options for hotels, reception halls, caterers, etc. As Amethyst said, it's not like they're six states away.
    Posted by burntofferings[/QUOTE]

    I think she lives 1.5 hours north of Lansing. You know TK, so general about locations :-)
  • ok... where is the voodoo doll when you need it?  I am sorry that you are having "haters".  That sucks- they are probably just really jealous that you and your FI really love eachother and are in a healthy, supportive and caring relationship.  I never wanted to believe it, but I think it is true that misery loves company...
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_venting-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:4a111bcb-6e5a-484f-831a-c295c7273b87Post:4f80dc04-6432-4ca9-ad8f-35691875e5f8">Re: Venting time</a>:
    [QUOTE]Detroit isn't that far from Lansing. :-P It's a nice, easy drive down I-96. I'm not sure why those people care so much. Plus, Detroit has more options for hotels, reception halls, caterers, etc. As Amethyst said, it's not like they're six states away.
    Posted by burntofferings[/QUOTE]

    <div>Like Amethyst said, I'm about 1.5 hours north of Lansing. But still, it's a 2.5 hour drive to Detroit. Not that bad.</div><div>
    </div><div>I just found it hysterical that his coworkers were upset that we weren't considering having the wedding close to them. Seriously?? As far as I'm concerned, they're the lowest on my list, especially after what they said.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_venting-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:4a111bcb-6e5a-484f-831a-c295c7273b87Post:83a62010-f3cd-458d-9c90-0b794bdaf663">Re: Venting time</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Venting time : Like Amethyst said, I'm about 1.5 hours north of Lansing. But still, it's a 2.5 hour drive to Detroit. Not that bad. I<strong> just found it hysterical that his coworkers were upset that we weren't considering having the wedding close to them. Seriously?? As far as I'm concerned, they're the lowest on my list</strong>, especially after what they said.
    Posted by StephLove12[/QUOTE]
    Uhh yeah, even if you have THE BEST COWORKERS EVER, who plans their wedding location, date, etc. around their coworkers?!?! Sorry, family comes first and your family lives in the Detroit area, as you said.

    And besides, they can just choose not to come if the drive is too far for them. NBD.
  • Wow, how annoying for you!  People complained mine was too far as well, and my response was, "if you don't want to make the trip I won't be offended".  It's a WEDDING, not something that could happen any old time.  The ones that want to be there, will, and the ones that don't come, well they're the ones  missing out!

    As for your ring, we actually did the same thing.  Except we weren't able to trade the original in, so we just purchased a new one that I loved.  H's mom made one comment about it, and I reminded her that this is what H wanted, he wanted me to have something bigger and better, and she's never said another word.  Good luck with everything!  It will get better!!
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  • I did the exact same thing wit the ring.  I honestly didn't like my first ring that FI got me.  I always wanted to feel like my ring was special because I will wear it every day for the rest of my life and it shows the world that I am taken.

    Once I explained this to FI he became alright with upgrading.  I picked out my new ring.  I am sure some people think I am a b*tch, but I don't care.  I know I am not and if they will judge me that easily, then they don't need to be a major part of my life.
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  • We did the same thing too.  FI picked a ring to bring on our Alaskan cruise to propose (in Victoria, Canada) and after getting home & talking about it we decided to go shopping together (and return the orginal though it was pretty).  FMIL made a snide comment, but when FI chirped in and said that we wanted to shop together and the first was just a placeholder.  

    Sorry to hear about his coworkers being buttheads.  I certainly woudn't plan anything around them and if it's too far for them to drive, then all well.  :) 
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