NWR: FMIL

chickenbut143

FMIL called again tonight and of course the subj changed to "when are you guys starting to try for a baby" again.  Seriously...can we get married first?  Then i want to graduate college in August - it's not that far away.  FI told her to lay off and that we'll try when we're ready, i just think its funny.  LOL Anyone else getting pressure?   

supersgg11

You poor thing.  I would have gone off on her to mind her own business!

chickenbut143

FI was talking to her and voiced his opinion about it being OUR decision.    Thank goodness!!  lol

ashleyangel510

My mom was really into asking when we were going to for a while, so I joked that I was going to add a year every time she said the word baby. lol

Anin12

Yes.  My FMIL commented how I may be pregnant by our first anniversary.   But, I really hope that my FI's brother and his wife will have a baby first!  They have been trying for about 10 years.   I just wouldn't be right, if we got pregnant right away. 

bruna29

Well, FI and I aren't getting married for another two years, so I'm definitely not trying anytime soon. Also, I'm not even sure I really want kids, so I probably won't try (if I try at all) for a long time.

Amt2109

Aye we get that a lot too - more from his mom than mine (even though mine is super excited for the when). But MIL will ask everytime she phones. The answer never changes and if nothing else, she knows firsthand about the immigration stuff we want to get sorted before we even think about having kids (her husband is Canadian), yet still she pesters.

I've taken to ignoring the question and asking about work/their other son/Grandma etc.

reagane02

I'm not getting so much pressure from my FMIL, however she seriously has "Baby Fever"... She always makes comments on how she can't wait to be a Grandma. My FI does have an older brother who has been married for about 4 years now and they have been trying. Hopefully this will satisfy her for now. 

mandctaft

We are from my step-mom and sister, but not from anyone else. His parents don't think we need kids because we can't take care of ourselves and FI's daughter (FMIL doesn't like me and we do just fine) and my mom and family want us to be married first.

becka717

reagane I love your picture! 

We haven't really gotten any pressure yet, but it took FI 6.5 years to propose, so I don't think his parents are expecting anything from us soon.  My mom is very good about not prying and accepting that things will happen or not happen in due course.  FI actually has a case of baby fever right now.  He's like I could dress it up, it would be so cute.

heroeswearbrown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:74a2a1bc-7092-459a-9556-2ba9aa35b08aPost:cbe74ffe-2ee6-4da8-a9e1-336a777534b2">Re: NWR: FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]My mom was really into asking when we were going to for a while, so I joked that I was going to add a year every time she said the word baby. lol
Posted by ashleyangel510[/QUOTE]
I'm going to have to remember this one. It might work.

We're actually getting mixed signals. Both of our mothers want a baby around. They both really do, but then at the same time, because we're so young, their like "no, wait, I don't need grandkids yet." But I have baby fever pretty bad. I want a kid, and I think secretly, FI does too. But we definitely would prefer to wait until we're slightly more settled before we start trying. I told FI two years, but it may wind up being more like one. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-innocent.gif" border="0" alt="Innocent" title="Innocent" />

egeurts

We're not getting any pressure from moms, but one of FIs aunts is absolutely baby crazy. She has 4 kids of her own, runs a daycare, and every time she sees us she asks when we're planning on having one. She's always saying, "well, you're next in line you know". We know. But that doesn't mean it has to happen anytime soon. And it's not like there's a shortage of children running around. I think she's a little crazy.... 

entropicbeauty

Thankfully FI's mom thinks I don't want kids (because that was my standpoint for a very long time), so she doesn't even bother to ask. She already has one grandson and my parents also have a grandson so I think the pressure is kind of off. If we decide to have a kid, it's up to us.

My dad has been making comments every time we're over about when we're gonna have a kid, but I think he's mostly joking...I think...

jmorford

mine asks all the time.
i tell her it's going to be a good 6 years... so she'll be suprised when it's only 3-4 :(we're young... in case anyone forgot. 6 years from now puts me at 27)

km2124

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:74a2a1bc-7092-459a-9556-2ba9aa35b08aPost:cbe74ffe-2ee6-4da8-a9e1-336a777534b2">Re: NWR: FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]My mom was really into asking when we were going to for a while, so I joked that I was going to add a year every time she said the word baby. lol
Posted by ashleyangel510[/QUOTE]

that is awesome!  I might have to use that tactic!

km2124

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:74a2a1bc-7092-459a-9556-2ba9aa35b08aPost:be4c855a-9b63-4d67-9869-11973e8275da">Re: NWR: FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]mine asks all the time. i tell her it's going to be a good 6 years... so she'll be suprised when it's only 3-4 :(we're young... in case anyone forgot. 6 years from now puts me at 27)
Posted by jmorford[/QUOTE]

yes- rub it in...I am an ancient gma compared to you!!

AmethystMSU

Our wedding videographer had each set of parents give well wishes at the end of the video. FIL's main message was "We're looking forward to grandchildren!" Ahh.

We saw ILs on Sunday and MIL mentioned she is turning H's old room into a nursery. I was like, "For the baby you're adopting?" (ha). She said, "No, for your baby to stay when it comes to visit!"

My parents don't say anything, but I know they want grandchildren. H and I are both the oldest children in our families and the only ones married, so it's really up to us.

I'm 28 (2 months from 29) and H is 30.5 so we don't have loads of time to dilly dally. We plan to start TTC within a couple months. I just hope that the comments and questions don't continue happening, on the chance it might take us awhile. I know that will kill me inside. On the other hand, I know the comments and questions will probably pick up after awhile. But I am pretty certain H would then step in and explain to his parents that we're trying and having trouble so STFU!!!

km2124

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:74a2a1bc-7092-459a-9556-2ba9aa35b08aPost:45363376-24ac-4cba-8cd3-2f9571ffc8f1">Re: NWR: FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]Our wedding videographer had each set of parents give well wishes at the end of the video. FIL's main message was "We're looking forward to grandchildren!" Ahh. <strong>We saw ILs on Sunday and MIL mentioned she is turning H's old room into a nursery.</strong> I was like, "For the baby you're adopting?" (ha). She said, "No, for your baby to stay when it comes to visit!" My parents don't say anything, but I know they want grandchildren. H and I are both the oldest children in our families and the only ones married, so it's really up to us. I'm 28 (2 months from 29) and H is 30.5 so we don't have loads of time to dilly dally. We plan to start TTC within a couple months. I just hope that the comments and questions don't continue happening, on the chance it might take us awhile. I know that will kill me inside. On the other hand, I know the comments and questions will probably pick up after awhile. But I am pretty certain H would then step in and explain to his parents that we're trying and having trouble so STFU!!! ;)
Posted by AmethystMSU[/QUOTE]

WOW!  This is prety serious!  That is some type of pressure! 

28 (almost 29) still gives you plenty of time (if you want it!)... I am 35 (pushing 36) and my doctor said that we were still within the window.  we plan on TTC right after the wedding.  I was going to stop taking my BC this month, but I would hate to be worried about drinking and stuff....

My parents don't say much (I have a daughter who is extremely close to them!) but I know they would be super excited if/when we have another little monkey...

FMIL would be thrilled but she doesn't pressue us too much

chickenbut143

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:74a2a1bc-7092-459a-9556-2ba9aa35b08aPost:26e97f51-a799-474a-a990-b0c1f11a87b6">Re: NWR: FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: FMIL : I'm going to have to remember this one. It might work. We're actually getting mixed signals. Both of our mothers want a baby around. They both really do, but then at the same time, because we're so young, their like "no, wait, I don't need grandkids yet." But I have baby fever pretty bad. I want a kid, and I think secretly, FI does too. But we definitely would prefer to wait until we're slightly more settled before we start trying. I told FI two years, but it may wind up being more like one.
Posted by heroeswearbrown[/QUOTE]

I think that's why FMIL is always asking us - we're old enough to start thinking of a family.  FI and i are both 31.  FI was married once before and that (obviously) didn't work out.  In the beginning his ex wanted kids...but then changed her mind (when she started cheating).  I def want kids and have never felt this strongly about wanting one (it's creeping me out), but want to finnish school, and spend some time for just us.  We'll prob start trying around this time next year or maybe even spring 2013. 

The way I look at it is....FMIL can keep asking and talking all she wants but in the end it'll be us taking care of the baby.  I want to make sure we're stable & ready.   

AmethystMSU

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:74a2a1bc-7092-459a-9556-2ba9aa35b08aPost:57ebb140-65ab-4944-bfa5-92daa3438879">Re: NWR: FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: FMIL : WOW!  This is prety serious!  That is some type of pressure!  28 (almost 29) still gives you plenty of time (if you want it!)... I am 35 (pushing 36) and my doctor said that we were still within the window.  we plan on TTC right after the wedding.  I was going to stop taking my BC this month, but I would hate to be worried about drinking and stuff.... My parents don't say much (I have a daughter who is extremely close to them!) but I know they would be super excited if/when we have another little monkey... FMIL would be thrilled but she doesn't pressue us too much
Posted by km2124[/QUOTE]
Yeah, some pressure, but I don't know how quickly she'll get on that. She had hip replacement surgery 4 weeks ago so she's not exactly bouncing around the house! Plus, they don't have enough disposable income to outfit a nursery with modern furniture. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to put my baby in a crib from 1981. Yes, H survived it but now that people know better, nope not gonna do it!

I really don't want to be pregnant at 35+ and I want 2 kids 3-4 years apart, so I really do need to get on it soon. Oh well, we're as ready as anyone can be; the only drawback is that our condo is not set up well for a child. There are two bedrooms but the 2nd bedroom is literally as far away from the master bedroom as it can possibly be. So we will probably have to get creative. This is what I get for buying before meeting H, when I was still cynical about never finding love :-P

AmethystMSU

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:74a2a1bc-7092-459a-9556-2ba9aa35b08aPost:c85aa696-f800-4688-b9dc-d455eda69d68">Re: NWR: FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: FMIL : I think that's why FMIL is always asking us - we're old enough to start thinking of a family.  FI and i are both 31.  FI was married once before and that (obviously) didn't work out.  In the beginning his ex wanted kids...but then changed her mind (when she started cheating).  I def want kids and have never felt this strongly about wanting one (it's creeping me out), but <strong>want to finnish school</strong>, and spend some time for just us.  We'll prob start trying around this time next year or maybe even spring 2013.  The way I look at it is....<strong>FMIL can keep asking and talking all she wants but in the end it'll be us taking care of the baby.  I want to make sure we're stable & ready.</strong>   
Posted by chickenbut143[/QUOTE]
I would DEFINITELY finish school before kids come into the picture.

Exactly. H and I are dead set on 2 kids, no more, no less (for now, ha). My mom, who normally doesn't make baby comments, was kind of egged on by her sisters at Thanksgiving, and suggested that we have 3 (like she did). I said sure, if you want to pay for all the extra costs of the 3rd kid, as well as full time nanny for it! We won't have the time or money to pay for a 3rd kid.

km2124

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:74a2a1bc-7092-459a-9556-2ba9aa35b08aPost:e647c774-086f-4108-8d09-08a60aebb5be">Re: NWR: FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: FMIL : I really don't want to be pregnant at 35+ and I want 2 kids 3-4 years apart, so I really do need to get on it soon. Oh well, we're as ready as anyone can be; the only drawback is that our condo is not set up well for a child. There are two bedrooms but the 2nd bedroom is literally as far away from the master bedroom as it can possibly be. So we will probably have to get creative. This is what I get for buying before meeting H, when I was still cynical about never finding love :-P
Posted by AmethystMSU[/QUOTE]

yea- I totally get it...the thought of being pregnant (and having a newborn) at 36/37 scares the holy bejeezes out of me... but luckily FI is really supportive and is willing to help with middle of the night duties (and yes, I am smart enough to know that I will actually have to wake him up to do this but still...)

I have a condo too (that I bought about 5 years ago) when it was just my daughter and I.  It is only 2 bedrooms so we will have to move, but chaos can be fun! (says the crazy lady who is having a wedding right after the holidays!)

chickenbut143

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:74a2a1bc-7092-459a-9556-2ba9aa35b08aPost:0d975d8b-56a8-427c-8441-3c6fe8374de0">Re: NWR: FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: FMIL <strong>: I would DEFINITELY finish school before kids come into the picture. Exactly</strong>. H and I are dead set on 2 kids, no more, no less (for now, ha). My mom, who normally doesn't make baby comments, was kind of egged on by her sisters at Thanksgiving, and suggested that we have 3 (like she did). I said sure, if you want to pay for all the extra costs of the 3rd kid, as well as full time nanny for it! We won't have the time or money to pay for a 3rd kid.
Posted by AmethystMSU[/QUOTE]

Yup!  Our wedding is in April & i'll graduate in August.  So even if we did try right away - i'd finish before the baby arrives.  That's something i'm NOT willing to compromise on.  FI is right there supporting me.  He's getting his MBA, and won't be done for 3 yrs, so we're not waiting for him to finish.  :)  I'm 31 now and will be 32 right after we're married.  I'm scared that TTC will take forever, so i'm not hellbent on waiting too long, but at least until i graduate.   We want 2 as well, but would be happy w/ 1.  I guess we'll see when we cross that bridge!! lol 

km2124

So I made mention to my MOH that we would be TTC right after the wedding (when we talked yesterday) and she brought in "taking charge of your fertility" - anyone read it?  I am guessing I might need to wander over to the bump... I just need to know what I should be doing now to prepare!

mancila60

I have it the opposite. My dad wants grandkids now. My FMIL could care less and actually wants us to wait about 5-10 years which would make us into our 30's. FFIL is just like whatever you guys want to do.

AmethystMSU

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:74a2a1bc-7092-459a-9556-2ba9aa35b08aPost:4d9d016c-431e-4301-aac0-e229d3107567">Re: NWR: FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]So I made mention to my MOH that we would be TTC right after the wedding (when we talked yesterday) and she brought in "taking charge of your fertility" - anyone read it?  I am guessing I might need to wander over to the bump... I just need to know what I should be doing now to prepare!
Posted by km2124[/QUOTE]
Yes! I bought it a few weeks ago and am about halfway through. I'm going to start charting on the next cycle. I've learned a ton about fertility and my cycles; it's been fascinating, honestly!

mollyehren

Man I feel sorry for you guys, my parents are totally cool with the fact that I don't want kids. My brother is getting married 6 weeks after me, and they want kids so they get their grandchild fix from them. Just praying we don't have issues with FMIL pushing (total bitch who hates me) or else I might respond in a not-so-sweet way.

km2124

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:74a2a1bc-7092-459a-9556-2ba9aa35b08aPost:245f2de1-9937-4c0d-a43d-5615d7eaa31e">Re: NWR: FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: FMIL : Yes! I bought it a few weeks ago and am about halfway through. I'm going to start charting on the next cycle. I've learned a ton about fertility and my cycles; it's been fascinating, honestly!
Posted by AmethystMSU[/QUOTE]

awesome! I will start reading it tonight

Oh- and sorry if I kind of thread-jacked... I just didn't want to start a new thread...

AmethystMSU

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:74a2a1bc-7092-459a-9556-2ba9aa35b08aPost:a26706a3-cd2d-45c7-bd6a-154059ce09ac">Re: NWR: FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]Our parents haven't said a word. FI and I were both infants when our respective parents adopted us, and they remember the pain of hearing, "So when are you having a baby," when they were desperately TTC. My father told me one of my mother's cousins was a total nag monster about it, and my mother used to leave parties in tears because she felt so horrible. Ugh. I wish I could go back in time and slap that cousin. Anyway, FI has a niece, and I have a niece (and another niece due in February), so our parents are already grandparents. This took some additional pressure off of me and FI (we're the oldest children). Phew! My parents also stress that having kids is a very personal decision and they would never ask or nag about it. When my brother and his wife were TTC, my parents were very respectful and sympathetic, as it took my SIL several years to conceive and was really beating herself up about it. I'm really proud of my mother for letting her cry on her shoulder instead of nagging her about how long it was taking (like other relatives were). That got long.  I guess I just feel bad for my friends and other ladies on TK who have relatives who will not let up.<strong> I've never asked my friends (unless they bring it up), because I don't know if they're TTC and having issues. I wouldn't want to cause that kind of pain.
</strong>Posted by burntofferings[/QUOTE]
I also don't ask my friends or relatives. Sometimes I might say to my aunt, when my cousin isn't there, "Oh when are Mary and John going to have a baby?" But I never ask them to their face. Pregnancy is not something you can control and for some couples, it never happens.

km2124

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_nwr-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:74a2a1bc-7092-459a-9556-2ba9aa35b08aPost:a26706a3-cd2d-45c7-bd6a-154059ce09ac">Re: NWR: FMIL</a>:
[QUOTE]Our parents haven't said a word. FI and I were both infants when our respective parents adopted us, and they remember the pain of hearing, "So when are you having a baby," when they were desperately TTC. My father told me one of my mother's cousins was a total nag monster about it, and my mother used to leave parties in tears because she felt so horrible. Ugh. I wish I could go back in time and slap that cousin. Anyway, FI has a niece, and I have a niece (and another niece due in February), so our parents are already grandparents. This took some additional pressure off of me and FI (we're the oldest children). Phew! My parents also stress that having kids is a very personal decision and they would never ask or nag about it. When my brother and his wife were TTC, my parents were very respectful and sympathetic, as it took my SIL several years to conceive and was really beating herself up about it. I'm really proud of my mother for letting her cry on her shoulder instead of nagging her about how long it was taking (like other relatives were). That got long.  I guess I just feel bad for my friends and other ladies on TK who have relatives who will not let up. I've never asked my friends (unless they bring it up), because I don't know if they're TTC and having issues. I wouldn't want to cause that kind of pain.
Posted by burntofferings[/QUOTE]

that is so cool that your parents still remember the difficulties (that can) arise from TTC. 

nataliet02

I get a little bit from my FMIL but FI's sister had a baby boy in August and she is pretty satisfied even though she sometimes turns to us and says " You guys should have a girl." Not too much pressure but what I'm worried about is how crazy she is going to be if we do have a girl first. The baby boy is the first grand child for FI's family and his mom is crazy with him! Not like dangerous crazy but overly affectionate crazy. I know I shouldn't complain but when she literally removes the baby from his dad's arms just cause she wants to hold him is too much for me. I like my FMIL but I'm worried about how she is going to act with our first child. If she takes that baby out of my arms when I am spending time with him or her I will say something.