Intro and trying to accept myself

Sarah0335

Hello Ladies!  I have lurked on this bosrd some, but never introduced myself.  I am a June 2012 bride and technically am considered plus sized (size 14).  I always accepted my size before, but somehow all of this wedding stuff has been making me really insecure.

I balled my eyes out in front of my FI after going to one dress shop.  They advertised havng over 1,000 sample dresses at the store.  I thought it would be the perfect place to go for that fact.  When I got there, they only had about 6 dresses that were above a size 10.  The girl made me feel like crap and told me I would only be able to look at dresses on a manican and not try them on.  I left feeling worse than I ever have about my size.

I am working on dropping a few pounds for the wedding and hope to be down to a size 10 or 12 by next june (regular clothes size, not bridal).  I am still having a really difficult time acceptig my body.  I feel like if I don't lose the weight that I will feel bad about myself on my wedding day.  I know I will be beautiful, but I think I have let the bridal industry effect my idea of image a little too much.

Did anyone go through anything similar? 

sweetredhead

Oh dear goodness yes. I'm lucky that my FI thinks I look pretty in a potato sack which helps. Don't let a$$hole ladies like that consultant get you down. I'm a 24 and look hot in my wedding dress. I'm working on losing weight for future health concerns but I refused to "lose it for the wedding" a. Because the would do it wrong and roller coaster diet b. it's about the long run for me not one day and c. My FI proposed to me this way and he will marry me this way. I've had my self esteem shot to hell a few times thanks to mom and a bad consultant. I honestly got a lot back coming here regularly and being with other ladies who GET IT! Ps call around other stores

brandif1026

Welcome!  Glad you came out of the woodwork and introduced yourself.  I hate that you had such a negative experience at the bridal salon.  My advice would be to call ahead and make sure where you are going will have something for you to try on.  I don't see why you couldn't try on the size 10, it's not like you are that much larger, they could have just not zipped/buttoned the back.  Regardless, sometimes it just sucks and buying a dress in a bigger size than you would normally wear is never fun!
I'm sure you will look stunning on your big day, good luck with everything!

rmontpas

Hi,
Please remember you are the person your FI met, fell in love with and proposed to.  He loves you the way you are.  Don't let small minded people let you forget that.
I live in a small community in Northern BC, Canada, we don't have any wedding retailers here so I flew to the city and quickly did a day of dress shopping.  I did not know where to go but fortunately I came across a couple store that had many dresses in my size. Which is about the same as you.  Your dress it out there too!  Listen to the girls on here or on your local board to find out which shops will have a good selection for you.
Till then keep your chin up!

mymissingpuzzlepiece

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_intro-trying-accept-myself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:972d587f-d33a-4fd8-9239-7df760f77673Post:b6f14ace-aee0-4a65-aa11-073395fcd710">Re: Intro and trying to accept myself</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh dear goodness yes. I'm lucky that my FI thinks I look pretty in a potato sack which helps. Don't let a$$hole ladies like that consultant get you down. I'm a 24 and look hot in my wedding dress. I'm working on losing weight for future health concerns but I refused to "lose it for the wedding" a. Because the would do it wrong and roller coaster diet b. it's about the long run for me not one day and c. My FI proposed to me this way and he will marry me this way. I've had my self esteem shot to hell a few times thanks to mom and a bad consultant. I honestly got a lot back coming here regularly and being with other ladies who GET IT! Ps call around other stores
Posted by sweetredhead[/QUOTE]

<div>Did anyone ever tell you you're amazing? lol I love the words you used, it made me feel really good. </div>

mymissingpuzzlepiece

And to add something to this convo, how do your guys feel about your weight? Have they ever said anything to you about it?

mari0225

Welcome! You still have time lose some weight, but do it for yourself because you want to and not for the wedding. Your fi loves you the way you are. I was so scared of what consultants might say but I just kept in mind, "Wesley loves me because of me, and that's why he proposed to me,."

This is a great board with a great bunch of ladies!

mari0225

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_intro-trying-accept-myself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:972d587f-d33a-4fd8-9239-7df760f77673Post:a6a01af5-2f49-4143-b796-7c1f056f8a28">Re: Intro and trying to accept myself</a>:
[QUOTE]And to add something to this convo, how do your guys feel about your weight? Have they ever said anything to you about it?
Posted by mymissingpuzzlepiece[/QUOTE]

I'm not thrilled with mine, I've been on WW since May trying to lose weight i've lost about 25 pounds so I have a good ways to go. I love the way my dress looks from the front, but the back...I went into the bathroom and cried my eyes out. I want to lose weight mainly for health reasons, I am starting to develop high blood pressure which my mom has and my aunt has diabetes, and my Uncle died from heart diease, so I really want to get in better shape healthwise.

ETA: I have only had one shop consultant tell me I was too fat, needless to say I didn't go there again!

akcrrr

Welcome! I have been lurking for the most part since getting married last month, but I had to comment on this post. The first thing anyone said to me when I said I was getting married was "Oh man, someone is going to stop eating" WTF seriously! 

As PP's have said your FI met, fell in love, and is marrying you the way you are. If you are generlly unhappy with the way you look than change for YOU not for ANYONE ELSE! 

I went to Macys, David's Bridal, and Group USA in the NYC area and they all had lots of dresses for me to try on in my size (street size 16/18). 

Your dress is like your FI...you will know when you find "the one" but you have to go through a lot of crap first  

entropicbeauty

With the dress place treating you that way, all I can think is they must really not want your business!

There are plenty of places around that not only have a wide size range of samples sizes, but who won't treat you like poop.

Keep looking and don't let ANYONE (especially a sales person) make you feel bad. If this happens again I would let them know you don't appreciate it and that it just cost them your business.

Sarah0335

I should have said in my intro that I have actually since that experience purchased a dress.  I had beeter experiences than that one, but that one really stuck with me.

I know that now I have mentioned the dress that you are going to want pictures.  So here you go!


Now you may understand why smaller samples sizes wouldn't have fit.  It is an extremely fitted dress!

The reason I want to lose weight, is for me too.  I am using the wedding as a goal, but it is not the reason.  I have always wanted to lose weight, I just think I am finally making th eproper changes to my life to do it.

FI is super supportive of me.  He tells me every day that I am beautiful and he will love me no matter what I look like or what happens in life. 

I did get mad at him after Thanksgiving because he kept offering me choclate hazelnut pie we had as leftovers.  I finally flipped at him for it.  Now he has started measuring out portions at dinner and helping me track my calories when he cooks.  It is really cute because I know he could care less and is just doing it to make me happy!

jbrook12

Hello and welcome. 
 
DOn't be discouraged, there is a perfect dress out there for you. It may take a little bit to find but don't give up!

My FI, bless his heart, I will call myself fat and that I need to lose weight and he will just say "No". He doesn't think I am fat at all. He fell in love with me this way and asked me to marry him this way.
 
And beside beautyis in the eye of the beholder. All that matters is that you and your FI love each other, all the rest will fall into place for the wedding.

rmontpas

I love your dress.  I tried on some similar but they really did not suit my shape, I have a small top and waist but biggggg hips and thighs.  I actually got stuck in a mermaid and the sales lady had to help me get out.  Very embarrassing but she did not say a thing.

Sarah0335

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_intro-trying-accept-myself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:972d587f-d33a-4fd8-9239-7df760f77673Post:5cbb830e-c661-4a5f-af4b-bd3fd1b8fed7">Re: Intro and trying to accept myself</a>:
[QUOTE]I love your dress.  I tried on some similar but they really did not suit my shape, I have a small top and waist but biggggg hips and thighs. <strong> I actually got stuck in a mermaid and the sales lady had to help me get out.</strong>  Very embarrassing but she did not say a thing.
Posted by rmontpas[/QUOTE]

I am actually built very proportionately and have the hourglass shape, so I thought the fit and flare really flattered me.  But that happened to me quite a few times!  That is definitely the problem with the sample sizes being smaller than you.  It works for some gowns, but not very fitted ones.

katiebaka

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_intro-trying-accept-myself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:972d587f-d33a-4fd8-9239-7df760f77673Post:383bc437-4424-4e58-8a09-b49dd8719107">Re: Intro and trying to accept myself</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello and welcome.    DOn't be discouraged, there is a perfect dress out there for you. It may take a little bit to find but don't give up! <strong>My FI, bless his heart, I will call myself fat and that I need to lose weight and he will just say "No".</strong> He doesn't think I am fat at all. He fell in love with me this way and asked me to marry him this way.   And beside beautyis in the eye of the beholder. All that matters is that you and your FI love each other, all the rest will fall into place for the wedding.
Posted by jbrook12[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>My FI does the same thing! It's really sweet, although kind of frustrating when I'm really annoyed about myself.</div><div>
</div><div>OP, welcome! Also, I bet that dress looks GREAT on you!! It's beautiful :)</div><div>
</div>

SaraB102

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_intro-trying-accept-myself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:972d587f-d33a-4fd8-9239-7df760f77673Post:e101cce6-19b5-4489-94cc-001aefead630">Re: Intro and trying to accept myself</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Intro and trying to accept myself : I am actually built very proportionately and have the hourglass shape, so I thought the fit and flare really flattered me.  But that happened to me quite a few times!  That is definitely the problem with the sample sizes being smaller than you.  It works for some gowns, but not very fitted ones.
Posted by Sarah0335[/QUOTE]

I'll bet you look GREAT in that dress!  IMO, the fit and flare were made for us curvier ladies!  Before I started shopping, I was convinced that I wanted an A-line, until I found THE dress.  And it's a fit and flare.

And I called salons before I actually went in to try anything on.  There was one nearby that insisted that even though most of their samples were 8's and 10's that they could clip me into them so that I could get an idea of the dress.  I've had on ONE dress that was clipped to me, and I just couldn't imagine what my size would look like.

ShelbyGT21

OMG, that dress is going to look fabulous on you!

starryangelz72

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_intro-trying-accept-myself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:972d587f-d33a-4fd8-9239-7df760f77673Post:b6f14ace-aee0-4a65-aa11-073395fcd710">Re: Intro and trying to accept myself</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh dear goodness yes. I'm lucky that my FI thinks I look pretty in a potato sack which helps. Don't let a$$hole ladies like that consultant get you down. I'm a 24 and look hot in my wedding dress. I'm working on losing weight for future health concerns but I refused to "lose it for the wedding" a. Because the would do it wrong and roller coaster diet b. it's about the long run for me not one day and c. My FI proposed to me this way and he will marry me this way. I've had my self esteem shot to hell a few times thanks to mom and a bad consultant. I honestly got a lot back coming here regularly and being with other ladies who GET IT! Ps call around other stores
Posted by sweetredhead[/QUOTE]

You just made my day and helped me out since I'm kind of in the same boat as OP, always feeling bad about size (I'm an 18/20) and I am now finally starting to feel good about size.

And I agree - call differen stores to find out if they carry a plus size selection. When I went shopping to the boutique that I got my dress they told me as long as it can get over the hips you can see how it looks. Granted it won't look the same but it'd give you the idea. I tried on I want to say 8's or 10's before picking my dress. And they just clipped the dress onto my bra so it'd stay up.

RaptorSLH

[QUOTE]When I got there, they only had about 6 dresses that were above a size 10.  The girl made me feel like crap and told me I would only be able to look at dresses on a manican and not try them on.  I left feeling worse than I ever have about my size. 
Posted by Sarah0335[/QUOTE]

<div>She didn't deserve the sale.  I'm a street size 28, (well, 24-32, depending on style.)  Once I found the right store, there were dozens of dresses for me to try, but before then?  I think the worst was having a saleslady at David's Bridal try to convince me to add a panel of cloth to size 22, rather than taking the time to find a dress that came in my size. </div><div>
</div><div>I only got stuck in one, but that's because two places out of three the saleslady came in to help me with every dress as SOP.  I'd have been horribly lost otherwise.</div><div>
</div><div>And oh my yes, rock those curves!  The skinniest girls I know were always insecure when it came time for formal dresses, trying to fake the curves they didn't have.  Flaunt 'em if ya got 'em!</div><div>
</div><div>The etiquette board is always reminding posters that the wedding industry has a financial incentive to sell you on BM "duties," regardless of the damage to your friendships.  I think it's the same way with us big girls.  The more insecure they can make us, the more they can sell us, regardless of the damage.  Take what you need from the wedding industry, but take it with a grain of salt, and know when to leave it behind.</div>

faerylvr27

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_intro-trying-accept-myself?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:972d587f-d33a-4fd8-9239-7df760f77673Post:a3423553-9493-4a9f-89f9-f48de4abe457">Re: Intro and trying to accept myself</a>:
[QUOTE]I should have said in my intro that I have actually since that experience purchased a dress.  I had beeter experiences than that one, but that one really stuck with me. I know that now I have mentioned the dress that you are going to want pictures.  So here you go! Now you may understand why smaller samples sizes wouldn't have fit.  It is an extremely fitted dress! The reason I want to lose weight, is for me too.<strong>  I am using the wedding as a goal, but it is not the reason.</strong>  I have always wanted to lose weight, I just think I am finally making th eproper changes to my life to do it. FI is super supportive of me.  He tells me every day that I am beautiful and he will love me no matter what I look like or what happens in life.  I did get mad at him after Thanksgiving because he kept offering me choclate hazelnut pie we had as leftovers.  I finally flipped at him for it.  Now he has started measuring out portions at dinner and helping me track my calories when he cooks.  It is really cute because I know he could care less and is just doing it to make me happy!
Posted by Sarah0335[/QUOTE]

I'm in the same boat as you. I have 4 months to go, and I'm working my ass off. I'd liketo lose 30lbs before the big day, but regardless I know my FI thinks Im beautiful, he tells me every day. He could care less if I met my goal because he loves me for me, just as your FI loves you.

BTW your dress is GORGEOUS! I'm also a 14, but very hippy. I could never have pulled that style off. I'm jealous! :)

beaniep

I see that this thread is a couple of weeks old, but I just wanted to add that a designer wedding gown can be ordered in ANY size you need. I used to manage a bridal salon, and while we only carried size 10 samples (frankly it would not have been affordable for our small shop to order multiple sample sizes in each style), we happily worked with brides of all shapes and sizes. The nice thing about working with made to order designers is that you can get all sorts of pattern adjustments to get the best possible fit - very helpful if you are a petite plus size bride, because the bodice of the dress will be the correct length. It is sad but true that some bridal salons are unkind to brides who are not a perfect sample size, but please be encouraged to know that there are also salons who just want to make every bride feel beautiful.

mandalynn981

I am new to the board and so glad I found you girls for inspiration and support.  I too am a plus size bride (size 18/20) and have just started my dress shopping.  My biggest fear is that I won't find anything in my size that will fit my frame.  I have PCOS and its hard for me to lose weight.  I've grown happy with myself and my Fiance constantly reminds me that I am beautiful, but I just worry that when I start shopping for my dress soon, I won't feel so beautiful.  I am almost leaning towards just buying one online so I don't feel humiliated.   Thank you girls so much for your stories of shopping and showing me that there are dresses out there.