Courthouse wedding to avoid nightmare families

pourprenoir

My fiancee and I have been engaged for 7 months, with an originally planned big wedding this coming October. My mother, brother and youngest sister have been estranged for years, so there's already a bit of dysfunction going in. We where both aware of that, and prepared to handle any issues head on if they arose. Now his family has turned into a royal pain in the arse. His mother has been very fake, and always trys to email me and ask me to talk about how I'm feeling, but then sends my responses to his sisters and cause a nightmare whirlwind of shiz and drama. I've reached my maximum, and so has my fiancee, and we are talking about calling the whole thing off. Not the marriage, but the wedding.

We want to get married with just he, myself, my son, and a photographer. I have the dress and accessories already, may as well use them. But my question is, do we send out marriage announcements? Should we have a potluck social gathering to pacify his family into thinking it's some sort of reception? My maid of honor is already bummed out that she won't be able to throw me a bridal shower if we swing for the courthouse. Any tips on making this work without caving to drama but focusing on our love?

Help!
Evil FSIL/FDIL

calliopeia2013

Your situation sounds like one of the best excuses for an elopement I've heard in a while- definitely go ahead and get married at the courthouse, take some lovely pictures, use them to make marriage announcements, and send them out to everyone.  I'd skip having a family gathering, because while I think potluck is appropriate for an event that's not a reception, it sounds like it might be a drama-magnet.

Other tips:

You know this already, but make sure you feel like your FI has your back 100% against his fanily's crazy- sounds like he does, just, never marry a guy who doesn't, you know?

- Can you do something fun with your MOH before the wedding?  Not, like, a bachelorette party kind of thing, but the two of you could go out for a girl's night, something meaningful to the two of you, just as a reminder that even if you're not having a big wedding, she's still your best friend.

montanabounding

Oh my gosh, I could have WRITTEN this post. Future Husband and I are doing the exact same thing (although it's mostly due to the fact that we each have divorced parents, mine have remarried, and getting them all in the same room is going to be a huge mess - not to mention the rest of the family or the fact that Future Husband's family lives cross-country).

It's just going to be the two of us, our six-year-old (boy, do we have a saga...), and my best friend/MOH and her husband. I thought that we needed two legal witnesses, but apparently not in my state, but she's been my best friend for close to ten years and she's coaching me along in all of this mess anyway.

I'm worried about dealing with family both before and after - unlike you, we don't have a date set, don't have any crazy big plans, but we do have members of our families who are psycho and/or grudge-holding. I don't know if we'll get bigger drama by avoiding the wedding than we would if we had a wedding (especially if there was alcohol there, yiiiikes).

I'll definitely be curious/nervous to see how this plays out for you - I wish you the best of luck.

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_courthouse-wedding-to-avoid-nightmare-families?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:19dc467b-51e0-44c3-8ccb-9b2395787fe3Post:a3731a15-6de9-4987-8126-4809d948c909">Courthouse wedding to avoid nightmare families</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiancee and I have been engaged for 7 months, with an originally planned big wedding this coming October. My mother, brother and youngest sister have been estranged for years, so there's already a bit of dysfunction going in. We where both aware of that, and prepared to handle any issues head on if they arose. Now his family has turned into a royal pain in the arse. His mother has been very fake, and always trys to email me and ask me to talk about how I'm feeling, but then sends my responses to his sisters and cause a nightmare whirlwind of shiz and drama. I've reached my maximum, and so has my fiancee, and we are talking about calling the whole thing off. Not the marriage, but the wedding. We want to get married with just he, myself, my son, and a photographer. I have the dress and accessories alread<strong>y, may as well use them. But my question is, do we send out marriage announcements? Should we have a potluck social gathering to pacify his family into thinking it's some sort of reception? </strong>My maid of honor is already bummed out that she won't be able to throw me a bridal shower if we swing for the courthouse. Any tips on making this work without caving to drama but focusing on our love? Help! Evil FSIL/FDIL
Posted by pourprenoir[/QUOTE]

Potlucks are not acceptable for weddings. They are rude and tacky.

gmcr78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_courthouse-wedding-to-avoid-nightmare-families?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:19dc467b-51e0-44c3-8ccb-9b2395787fe3Post:f811e9d9-3e12-4fac-9853-a783530fb7e8">Re: Courthouse wedding to avoid nightmare families</a>:
[QUOTE]Just another idea for you.  It doesn't have to be a courthouse ceremony.  You and your Fi can meet with your officiant at some lovely place and get married there without any fuss.  A friend of mine recently got married on the edge of a beautiful canyon.  The pictures were fantastic!
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

I think this is a lovely idea. That way if the idea of a courthouse isn't all that appealing, you can still do it in a lovely setting for not a lot of money. 

pourprenoir

Thanks for all of your advice! My fmil and fsil both got married in a courthouse, so they are good with us doing that. We actually just found a tiny little "meditation chapel" (that seats about 16 people). It will be PERFECT for our 3 person private ceremony. Bonus points for the fmil that it'll be Catholic. The future hubs still wanted a reception afterwords, so we'll have the reception just scaled back much more. Not potluck, with the caterer as planned. Fingers crossed the inlaws won't wreak havoc at the reception! But at least I have the ceremony protected!!