save the date etiquette

i2012do

To all the married ladies- or those that are wiser than me when it comes tos ave the dates.

A few of my cousins- who i will be inviting with dates- still live at home.

can I send save the dates liek "to the john family"

then be sure to send htem all separate invites.

or do i have to do save the dates like I do wedding invites?

mancila60

Save the Dates are informal. So you can just send 1 per house instead of individual ones like you would need to for invites. You also don't have to send a save the date to everyone your inviting but everyone who gets a save the date you must invite.

We just sent them to OOT guests mostly and then to close family.

i2012do

thats the plan. I ordered 75 save the dates and that should cover all my out of town guests, and close friends and family that i Absolutely know i am inviting.

becka717

I wouldn't send it to the "John Family", because you don't necessarily know who they might include in the definition of family.  You could definately send one to the household and list the names of those invited.
Mr and Mrs John
Suzy John, Billy John

Depending how old they are they might get upset if they don't get their own save the date as well.

AmethystMSU

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_save-date-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:b9471356-b8ef-4d58-bdd3-f2ee619e0370Post:e34e8932-7513-4238-9566-c552b8bf7081">Re: save the date etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]Save the Dates are informal. So you can just send 1 per house instead of individual ones like you would need to for invites. You also don't have to send a save the date to everyone your inviting but everyone who gets a save the date you must invite. We just sent them to OOT guests mostly and then to close family.
Posted by mancila60[/QUOTE]
This. Also, if you know FOR SURE you will be giving guests to your cousins, you could address the STD like this:

John and Mary Smith
Joey Smith and Guest
Jenny Smith and Guest
123 Main St
Anytown, US 12345

ETA: I also agree with Becka. Do not address it to "The Smith Family." That leaves too much room for interpretation.

entropicbeauty

I sent a save the date to one of my friend's parents house because it was the only address she gave me, and even though it JUST had her name on it, her little sister who I've only met a couple of times thought it meant SHE was invited!

I'm giving this friend a +1 but, uh, she will have to make the call if she wan'ts to bring her S.O. or her little sister...

So yes, be careful about how you address these, even if you try to do it correctly people like to assume!

i2012do

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_save-date-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:b9471356-b8ef-4d58-bdd3-f2ee619e0370Post:5dc1cbc5-08b5-4e05-95a7-a63f50ffa1c8">Re: save the date etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I sent a save the date to one of my friend's parents house because it was the only address she gave me, and even though it JUST had her name on it, her little sister who I've only met a couple of times thought it meant SHE was invited! I'm giving this friend a +1 but, uh, she will have to make the call if she wan'ts to bring her S.O. or her little sister... So yes, be careful about how you address these, even if you try to do it correctly people like to assume!
Posted by entropicbeauty[/QUOTE]

<div>Ah! now i am all worried</div><div>well i am not 100% sure yet i am inviting my cousins with guests. But i want to get the save the dates out- and probably won't know until it gets down to invitation time</div><div>So maybe i am better off sending it to their parents nad then writing their names on it as you have all said.</div><div>If they have a probelm with their names and they don't see and guests, they can take it up w my mom. I can decide at invite time.</div><div>
</div><div>I just don't want my cousin who has been dating his bf forever- to be upset because and guest isnt on a save the date, wen i am 90% sure i am inviting his bf.</div><div>
</div><div>maybe its time these 30+ yr old cousins just moved out and got their own places- then i wouldnt ahve to deal with this! </div>

i2012do

Here is another tricky question

Fiance's aunt and uncle were married about 5 years ago.

she was previously married with a child from her previous marriage. He is 17.

They now have a 2 yr old son.

 We aren't inviting children under 16 to the wedding.

Do i just not include either of her children...or address to them, their older son -and leave off the youngin.

I know you aren't really supposed to break up "families" and her younger son is welcome to come for the trip (they are traveling here) and i am willing to pay for a nanny to watch him, its just that our venue suggests that no children under 16 attend because of risk/issues.

edit" and beyond the venues request. I dont want young children at the wedding or reception

becka717

That one is a tough one.  I would give you some leeway because that is a large age gap.  Its not like TImmy is 17 and Sally is 15, you wouldn't want to split TImmy and Sally. 

The offering a babysitter is a really nice gesture, and one I thought of as well, but some parents don't want to leave their kid with a stranger, or babysitter they weren't able to scope out first.  One parent may have to decline to attend. 

Would they trust the 17 year old to watch the 2 year old either back home or intown for the wedding?  Could you move the age cut off to 18?

If the 30 year old cousin has a SO, you really should invite his SO.  If they are  that old, you might want to consider sending them their own STD. 
Good luck!

AmethystMSU

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_save-date-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:b9471356-b8ef-4d58-bdd3-f2ee619e0370Post:97a32485-e44d-4f1a-b7db-de5f7ba02ff3">Re: save the date etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: save the date etiquette : Ah! now i am all worried well i am not 100% sure yet i am inviting my cousins with guests. But i want to get the save the dates out- and probably won't know until it gets down to invitation time So maybe i am better off sending it to their parents nad then writing their names on it as you have all said. If they have a probelm with their names and they don't see and guests, they can take it up w my mom. I can decide at invite time. I just don't want my cousin who has been dating his bf forever- to be upset because and guest isnt on a save the date, wen i am 90% sure i am inviting his bf. maybe its time these 30+ yr old cousins just moved out and got their own places- then i wouldnt ahve to deal with this! 
Posted by i2012do[/QUOTE]
Technically anyone in a relationship should be invited with his/her SO, so your cousin's BF should be invited.

For the singles, you don't have to give them an and guest (but I think it's considerate if your budget allows). Since you aren't sure on those, I wouldn't put "and guest" on the STDs. STD = invitation, even just for an "and guest."

BTW, YGPM, i2012do.

AmethystMSU

I agree with Becka, it's a tricky situation. Can you make an exception for the little one? I'm assuming his/her parents will keep their eye on the 2 year old. Both the 17 and 12 year old are first cousins of your FI. My rule was no children under 18, except I did make an exception for my 16 and 13 year old cousins. However, I know a 13 year old can control herself much better than a 2 year old, so your situation is different.

i2012do

The only reason I say I am probably inviting my cousins SO is because I don't know that they will be together at the time I send out invites. He moved home because they are having issues.

So I am thinking if they aren't together, I likely won;t

But anyone I know who is dating someone at the time invites go out-is getting a date.

i2012do

I actually woulnd't mind making an exception for this 2 yr old (hell be 3 by the wedding)

my issue his, his other aunt and uncle have 6 children all under the ages of 13 and I don't want to invite them,

So that is kind of why we set the "no children rule" and figured we could use our venues "request"t hat there be no children under a certain age as our Back up.

Also, I had thought about not inviting either of the two cousins- 17 or 2 and raising the age gap up. But fiance has a cousin who is like a sister to him, who is also 17 and he feels like he wants to invite her.

becka717

As long as you invite the SO of those who have a SO you are good   So maybe list it as "Cousin John" and if he asks, say yes your SO will be invited.

Might be best to make the exception for the 2 year old then.  Hopefully that is the last of the tricky situations.  Keep the age at 17, exclude the 6 kids, and make the exception for the 2 year old.   I think you have a valid argument if the 2 year old if the only one under 16.

becka717

You could also raise the age to 18, and make an exception for FI's sister like cousin, if you decided not to invite 2 year old w/ 17 yr old sibling.

AmethystMSU

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_save-date-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:b9471356-b8ef-4d58-bdd3-f2ee619e0370Post:833ae533-9f54-487f-9280-2c42ce704c5f">Re: save the date etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]The only reason I say I am probably inviting my cousins SO is because I don't know that they will be together at the time I send out invites. He moved home because they are having issues. So I am thinking if they aren't together, I likely won;t But anyone I know who is dating someone at the time invites go out-is getting a date.
Posted by i2012do[/QUOTE]
Then I would put your cousin's name on it for now, and invite him with his BF when invites go out, if they're still together.

AmethystMSU

I agree with Becka's last 2 posts!

i2012do

thanks I agree too! I think we amy make an exception for the 2 yr old. and Also hire a nanny that is on site. There is a room downstairs so the mom can visit- and just have him go there during the reception if he acts up/gets tired etc.

Also- Amethyst. you have a PM- i dont dare annoucne that in the "main room"