Intimacy and size

ellie63

I'm on the larger size, an 18, but down from the size 28 I was back when FI and I first met and became friends. I happened to lose weight over the 5 years we were out of touch but he's never said too much about my weight loss. I know he loves me with all his heart, regardless of my size or lack of make up or grungy clothes. But I'm struggling with the thought of true intimacy with him read between the lines here. Even when we're snuggling on the couch together and he's caressing my love handles I can feel myself shying away inside. I truly am looking forward to our marriage, both days and nights, only
four more days! But how do you move beyond being overly sensitive and embarrassed about the extra weight? I'm sure part of my issues stem from my first marriage and the way my ex husband treated me about my weight, but sheesh! We've been divorced for 18 years!!! Any words of advice for me?

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_intimacy-and-size?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:bd31c908-8114-4b9c-9186-ed21a3f5f307Post:f3664989-e26f-4127-9832-89a8cf37468f">Intimacy and size</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm on the larger size, an 18, but down from the size 28 I was back when FI and I first met and became friends. I happened to lose weight over the 5 years we were out of touch but he's never said too much about my weight loss. I know he loves me with all his heart, regardless of my size or lack of make up or grungy clothes. But I'm struggling with the thought of true intimacy with him read between the lines here. Even when we're snuggling on the couch together and he's caressing my love handles I can feel myself shying away inside. I truly am looking forward to our marriage, both days and nights, only four more days! But how do you move beyond being overly sensitive and embarrassed about the extra weight? I'm sure part of my issues stem from my first marriage and the way my ex husband treated me about my weight, but sheesh! We've been divorced for 18 years!!! Any words of advice for me?
Posted by ellie63[/QUOTE]

My best advice, therapy.  :)   It can do wonders for your recovery from an abusive relationship and for your self esteem.    Your partner clearly loves you, or he wouldn't have proposed.  Whether you are a size 6 or a size 16 or a size 26, let your partner have access to your whole body.  It is liberating.

mcda04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_intimacy-and-size?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:bd31c908-8114-4b9c-9186-ed21a3f5f307Post:fe2e5346-ee3e-444b-9825-936caeec22aa">Re: Intimacy and size</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Intimacy and size : My best advice, therapy.  :)   It can do wonders for your recovery from an abusive relationship and for your self esteem.    Your partner clearly loves you, or he wouldn't have proposed.  <strong>Whether you are a size 6 or a size 16 or a size 26, let your partner have access to your whole body.  It is liberating.</strong>
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOT

This exactly. I've been up and down for the last 7 years and recently gained about 15 Lbs again. I'm currently in a size 12/14 which is pretty chubby for me since i was a size 6/8 a year and a half ago. Regardless of my size, I would hate it when my H touched my stomache. He was only allowed to touch when I was pregnant to feel the baby but I was soo self conscious. It took me a while but now I'm very comfortable around him now.

crumbcake82

I've bounced between a size 14 and an 18 through most of my adult life.  There's no way to avoid the barrage of messages that we get telling us how ugly and fat we are, and I've been through my share of body hate.  I work on reminding myself of a few crucial things.  The first, this is the only body I have, it's unlikely to change dramatically, and what's the point of hating it? We are still just as capable of giving and receiving pleasure and it has nothing to do with our size!  When you're being intimate with your FI, focus on him, what he feels like, what he's doing.  As soon as your brain starts to think about "oh god, he's touching my back roll" or about how squishy your thighs are, focus on how his body feels.  It's a way to distract yourself and stay in the moment instead of being in your head.  I can't say this enough. "Focus on the moment." Stay out of your head.  If you start thinking something bad about yourself, challenge it.  

Confidence is way sexier than just being thin, and if you're not confident, then fake it.  If you act confident for long enough, you'll eventually start to believe it.  

[Deleted User]

I agree, that some therapy would do you & your relationship good. He loves you for how you are and obviously has no issues with it because he's touching the areas of your body you are uncomfortable with. You may need help learning on how to accept and love yourself for the wodnerful person you are. He already has, but unless you do, you are probably going to have problems down the road.

Gtgirl88

I have gained about 50lbs since we started dating thanks to my meds. My FH still loves me just the way I am and still tells me I am beautiful. I hate my image but we are always harder on ourself then others are. 

ashleighpaige24

I felt the same way at first with my fiance - I've gained weight since we've been together.  He's a size 32 waist and I'm a size 20. 

I thought there was no way he really thought I was beautiful - I thought he was just saying that to make me feel better. 

I still struggle with it at times, but I'm learning to embrace it and realize he really does love me for who I am.

TKzilla

My fiance is tall, skinny and gorgeous. Sometimes I wonder "How in the hell did we wind up together?"

And then I remember.

We're in love. Equally, uncompromisingly in love.

KimandByron

My fiancee is a hot sexy italian man. I am a sie 16/18. He tells me I am sexy all the time. I think Sexy is more of an attitude than a shape. Since I am not getting married until 2014 I have joined a gym and plan to do whatever it takes to lose 40 pounds. Only because I am not happy with me.

For true intimacy you have to be able to let him have your whole body like others have mentioned. Believe me I know it's easier said than done

ryeale & John

See where you are coming from. Just know you are  worth something. you are Not the first women to feel this way. Just  think He is in love with you big or small or in between. He love's you. you have to love you too. you Are worth it.  I would  take being plus size any day. batter then being  to skinny. Don't be scared to be who you are. you are amazing. That's who he is in love with.