How to deal?

ThePoeDuo

I always pictured my dress with sleeves... always! I'm a size 18, more broad than "big". I hate that number though, HATE IT. I am having sleeves put on my dress and am so afraid I'm going to look bulky and with long-term hormone issues (my body ages like someone older than me and get fat in areas I shouldn't right now) I feel like a beeched whale. I'm afraid I'm not going to be the beautiful bride I want to be...

How to deal?

crumbcake82

I'm a size 18 as well, with fairly broad shoulders, and I'm usually uncomfortable wearing anything without sleeves.  One of the problems I found when trying on wedding dresses (among many problems) was that some sleeves did make me look wider.  It really is all in where the sleeve hits you and the visual line it makes.  The "off the shoulder" sleeve types worked well, but they offer nothing in support and I can see how the made my arms wider.   The dress I finally feel in love with was strapless despite really deciding against strapless before I started.  I also opted against a white dress as white just does not flatter me.  I felt like a giant marshmallow.  Stay away from things that are too puffy at the shoulder and have an eye to wear your embellishments are as they can either distract away from bad areas of draw attention to them.  

So, how to make yourself FEEL Beautiful?  You choose a dress that fits you well and get the best quality undergarments you can afford.  If you can get yourself dolled up professionally, then great.  If not, find a friend that's good at hair and make-up and practice for the big day.  Then you stop looking at all the magazines, and website photos of size 2 models with five hours worth of make-up and Photoshop.  You stop looking at the mirror and criticizing all of your bumps and crinkles and dimples.  Whenever that voice in your head starts spewing negative garbage about your arms, or your tummy, thighs, chin, or whatever, you challenge it with something positive, or at least something neutral.   Then you remind yourself that you are marrying the person you love, who finds you to be beautiful.  That the friends and relatives you invited are there to support you and celebrate with you, and not to judge your looks.

ThePoeDuo

Thank you so much! You sound like you're built like me. It's frustrating but he sees me as beautiful and I've got to realize that's all that matters

reppunzel

I really, really wanted sleeves for my dress, too and was dead-set against strapless.  But I went into dress shopping willing to try just about anything on, to get a feel for what really flattered me and what didn't.  What didn't:  halter tops, strapless (I was right!), dropped waists and ruching in a heavy fabric like satin.  What did:  ruching in something soft (chiffon), boning/corset backs, princess seams (long seams in the front, no waistline).  None of what worked really surprised me (I sew and wear a lot of dresses), but what shocked me is that a sleeveless dress with a wide V neck looked better than the dresses with sleeves!

So try a wide variety of styles (David's Bridal was good for this because they were more likely to have a dress in my size or larger than smaller salons that only stocked samples in the 12-16 range).  AND, I also found that a veil made all the difference.  I was still a bit hesitant about my upper arms showing, but that soft, floaty film of tulle looked much better than the short sleeves that always seemed to end just at the wrong point for both my arms and my bust.

And ditto, ditto, ditto to the other wonderful advice that PP gave!  And thank you, Crumbcake -- I need those reminders a lot!

JoanE2012

I find that things "added" to dresses always seem to focus your attention MORE on that area than take your attention away from it. And remember, you are your own worst critic. You will be a stunning bride, no doubt.  

ashleighpaige24

I too originally pictured my dress with sleeves but ended up going with a strapless one.  

I've seen some that I love that have a bolero that goes over for the ceremony that you could remove for the reception if you choose.  Some are even sheer that give the illusion of sleeves without adding a lot of extra bulk.  You may want to check with that option that way you could change your look throughout the day too!

Good luck with your search!

ThePoeDuo

Thank you all SO very much! I honestly am starting to feel better about it

heroeswearbrown

Agree with AshleighPaige.

IMO, so many bigger girls go in wanting sleeves because they want to hide their arms, and in reality, sleeveless or strapless dresses actually are more flattering than sleeves.

You really are your own worst critic, and if there is something you dislike about your body, chances are, nothing you're going to do or find will make you forget that. I have a lower belly pooch that I HATE and I wound up seeing it in my pictures, but when I stop focusing on the little imperfections and look at the whole image, I LOVE the way I looked on my wedding day.

I'd spend more time on learning to love your body than trying to find a dress that will hide it. Your fiance asked you to marry him for a reason and he loves you exactly the way you are. You're beautiful no matter what.

jennynicole722

Just wanted to say you ladies are all amazing! I've been fighting the "how much do you want to lose by your wedding day?" Comments with as much positive self reinforcement as I can. I'm not embarking on any massive weight-loss battle for one day. My friends and family love me the way I am, as most importantly does my fiancé. We'll all be beautiful brides! Keep the positive energy flowing

elio23

I wanted sleeves too. I have a small waist but broad back and shoulders.  I'm pretty much an upside down triangle.  I bought a bolero to wear as an accessory to my plain-jane dress and because I knew I'd be more confortable.  I agree with previous posts. 1) most wedding dresses run small so the size is just a number.  What matters most is what it does to your body.  2) Focus and flaunt the positives.  Putting pressure on yourself to loose x amount of weight before your wedding could be more harmful than helpful.  It can often lead to the yo-yo diet which isn't good for you at all.  3) Don't underestimate the "complete look".  A good hair and makeup artist+ accessories you love= confident bride.

Cryssteen

I just want to add that I too wanted a dress with sleeves no. matter. what.  And you know what?  I bought one.   It was beautiful, but due to some problems (see post) I had to buy a new dress asap.  One that I could walk out with that same day.   So, i went to DB.  I tried on every dress, strapless, lace or not.  And what I ended up with couldn't have been further from the original.  It is STRAPLESS, first off.  And you know what?  I look 20lbs lighter in the new dress (on left).  Check it out, new on right.  

Just try everything on and be open-minded.  My issue was i didn't want armpit fat.  This one elminates that somehow.  These dresses are just made to make you look good.  All that said, I don't have large boobs, so support wasn't my concern.  But, I'll tell you, the boning in the new dress is way more supportive than the nothing in the first.