Finding a dress

nerderella

If this has already been posted somewhere, my apologies.  I feel the need to vent, and possibly if anyone has any suggestions they can pass along on places to look, I'd be eternally grateful.

My fiance and I moved to NC in September, but got engaged right after Thanksgiving.  We live three hours away from my closest bridesmaid, and a three hour flight from everyone else (mom, MOH, etc).  A few weeks ago, in my excitement at getting the ball rolling I made a few appointments at bridal shops in the area that carry the designers or styles I like, and since our wedding is now around six months away, have been going in alone to get a start on things.

The first shop I stopped in was a glorified boutique, and when I entered the door and spoke with the saleswoman about what I was looking for, she says bluntly: "we don't have anything that will fit someone in your size" and when I inquired about getting something in my size, she said "it's not worth it to us to order it."  So I went to the back, looked at some bridesmaids dresses, and left.

The next shop I went to was a consignment, where there were tons of dresses to try on in my size, but none fit the type of dress that I was looking for.

I figured I'd stop in at a chain, and when I mentioned the possibility of looking at bridesmaids dresses for a bridal gown, the salesperson saw their commission disappear and she became less helpful.  To the point of just pointing me towards my dressing room and helping others fifteen minutes into my appointment.

After that, I stopped at another store, tried on a bunch of dresses, found a few that I liked, but when I asked if I could take photos of the dresses so my mom and/or bridal party could weigh in, I was told that the designers don't want photos of their dresses out in public unless I had made a purchase.

So here I am now, absolutely HATING the search for my wedding dress.  I could be over-reacting, but I'm not really sure where to start looking for size 20 dresses.  I don't want to be forced into wearing a specific dress because I couldn't find anything else in my size, but I'm feeling like that's the case.  I'm so bummed right now it's not funny.  Does anyone have any ideas on how I can make dress shopping at a distance and as a larger lady any easier?

LincolnElizabethH

Wow! I am so sorry to hear of your horrible shopping experiences!! I had a terrible experience at the first store I went to as well. I said I had a $4k budget and they still treated me like garbage because of my size. I saw the dress I wanted in store, but it was too small for me to try. I walked out almost crying because they just said it didn't come in my size. I emailed another bridal salon and told them what happened, told them I was a big girl, and asked if they had that dress in my size to try on. Turns out they did! I went the following weekend and met with the owner of the store, and she was amazing with me! I bought the dress that day (15 months early). Anyways, my point is...I just want you to know you are not alone! Call ahead of time and let them know what you are looking for. If they are helpful over the phone, the should be helpful in store. I wish you all the best and I hope you find your dress!

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_finding-a-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:c5bb628e-66b4-483a-8ae3-a31a71496d6cPost:a501d8fa-6378-4de9-85c2-66143555439f">Finding a dress</a>:
[QUOTE]If this has already been posted somewhere, my apologies.  I feel the need to vent, and possibly if anyone has any suggestions they can pass along on places to look, I'd be eternally grateful. My fiance and I moved to NC in September, but got engaged right after Thanksgiving.  We live three hours away from my closest bridesmaid, and a three hour flight from everyone else (mom, MOH, etc).  A few weeks ago, in my excitement at getting the ball rolling I made a few appointments at bridal shops in the area that carry the designers or styles I like, and since our wedding is now around six months away, have been going in alone to get a start on things. The first shop I stopped in was a glorified boutique, and when I entered the door and spoke with the saleswoman about what I was looking for, she says bluntly: "we don't have anything that will fit someone in your size" and when I inquired about getting something in my size, she said "it's not worth it to us to order it."  So I went to the back, looked at some bridesmaids dresses, and left. The next shop I went to was a consignment, where there were tons of dresses to try on in my size, but none fit the type of dress that I was looking for. I figured I'd stop in at a chain, and when I mentioned the possibility of looking at bridesmaids dresses for a bridal gown, the salesperson saw their commission disappear and she became less helpful.  To the point of just pointing me towards my dressing room and helping others fifteen minutes into my appointment. After that, I stopped at another store, tried on a bunch of dresses, found a few that I liked, but when I asked if I could take photos of the dresses so my mom and/or bridal party could weigh in, I was told that the designers don't want photos of their dresses out in public unless I had made a purchase. So here I am now, absolutely HATING the search for my wedding dress.  I could be over-reacting, but I'm not really sure where to start looking for size 20 dresses.  I don't want to be forced into wearing a specific dress because I couldn't find anything else in my size, but I'm feeling like that's the case.  I'm so bummed right now it's not funny.  Does anyone have any ideas on how I can make dress shopping at a distance and as a larger lady any easier?
Posted by nerderella[/QUOTE]


I'm sorry you had that experience.  I don't know where in NC you are, but consider looking for salons that carry Alfred Angelo and Mori Lee's Julietta line. 

They both have amazing and beautiful plus size gowns.  You should call ahead and say "I am a street size X.  Do you have any samples in my size". And, if they don't. Move on.  There are salons out there that carry plus size samples.  Especially if you go to a salon that carries the plus size lines. 

Also, A LOT of salons don't allow photos taken unless you buy the dress.  It has nothing to do with designers not wanting photos out there. It has to do with the fact that they don't want you having the info, and then buying it somewhere cheaper.

If you found dresses you like, find out the designer names, and cruise their websites.  And, if you are on a budget, see if you can find the dress you like on one of the used dress sites.

<a href="http://www.recycledbride.com" rel="nofollow">www.recycledbride.com</a>
<a href="http://www.oncewed.com" rel="nofollow">www.oncewed.com</a>
<a href="http://www.preownedweddingdresses.com" rel="nofollow">www.preownedweddingdresses.com</a>

ellie63

So sorry for your experience! I know many people don't like David's Bridal but I had good luck with them online.

RaptorSLH

*hugs*  It'll be OK.  The dresses *are* out there.  I'm a street size 28, and I found them, so it can be done.

I don't know North Carolina, (and I don't know where in the state you are) but there are two chains that may be an option for you.  If you can't find good choices locally, consider a road trip - I drove 2 hours each way to try on dresses, and it was worth every minute.

David's Bridal is cheap, but the service *bleep* *bleep* with a *bleeeeeeeeeep*.  If you go, a friend or relative who can help you find and try on dresses is a MUST.  The sales tactics will be high pressure, the salesladies will look for the highest commission they can wring out of you, and they will try to get you to settle for the first dress they can squeeze you into.  DB is an option, but you need to have people with you who will push back and look for things that make you happy.

Alfred Angelo dresses are generally available up to a 28 or even a 32, (even the Disney princess, Twilight, and Princess Kate styles.)  I had superb luck at one of their signature stores, trying on more than a dozen dresses after narrowing the choices down to a certain waistline.  If you find one you like, you can then order at one of the many smaller boutiques closer to you that carry the line.  Small stores don't often carry samples in our sizes, but that doesn't mean they can't order something when you're ready to commit to a style.

If you're looking at individual stores, call first and ask what size samples they carry.  Remember, it doesn't have to be the right size, just close enough for you to step in and see what the dress will look like on you.  (Depending on the cut, that may be smaller than you think - one flowing style I tried on was in a size 18).  It may be worth trying on dresses you don't want at first, just to see what features/cuts are flattering on your shape. 

Both of these chains let me take pictures.  Try forgiveness is easier than permission, and negotiate with management if you're given any problems about photos - especially if the alternative is losing a sale.  Anyone who has worked customer service can tell you a determined enough customer can make most policies bend.  Frustrating as blazes to the service rep who was following orders, but it can work in your favor here.

As a side note for your far-flung family, a chain makes it easier for bridesmaids to try and buy dresses.  Or consider picking a color family and letting them find their own dresses locally.

Good luck!  Beautiful dresses *are* available in your size, I promise, and somewhere out there is the store/saleslady who knows it and will help you find it.

Ven&Radio

I'm sorry to hear your experiences haven't been pleasant so far.  Before I started shopping for a dress I posted on my local board asking what shops in the area other plus sized ladies had good luck shopping at.  One woman in my area had blogged about all her dress shopping excursions (and she hit a bunch of different stores).  I ended up going to the shop she bought from first and had a great experience -- the shop had an entire room of 18+ sized dresses!  I'm going back next week to try on a few dresses to make my mom happy, but I already know what dress I'm going to buy (sadly, my mom doesn't love it, but I can live with that).

nerderella

Thank you everyone, for the sanity.  I live outside of Raleigh, so I think I will definitely hit up the NC board to see if anyone has any suggestions there.  And while it's not ideal, I will be back up in MA in a few weeks so maybe I can find something somewhere.

I think I just expected a lot of the shops who mentioned serving up to size 32 on their websites (or when I called to inquire) to actually have the dresses in those sizes to be available to try on.  For example, when searching for the Julietta line the 'boutique' I mentioned above popped up in my search.  I called, they said they did carry those dresses and had some on the floor, but I went wrong when my assumption led me to believe that they would be in a larger size.  

I've expanded my search to include shops a few hours away, and I'm pretty excited about actually finding places!  A bunch of them have a wide range of dresses in larger sizes, so hopefully I can find something-- and I never thought to use the NC board (duh!), so that will be my next step. 

Thank you guys so much for your support.  I seriously thought I was going to lose it and show up to my wedding in a burlap sack.

crumbcake82

I live in Charlotte and had some good luck with New York and Bride as far as trying on gowns.   There's a very large Bridal Store in Burlington called Bridal Mart.  It's by no means luxurious but they have a better selection of plus size dresses than most.  I did most of my dress shopping alone as I'm also new to the state.

Good Luck!

nerderella

Thanks for the suggestions-- I am actually planning on venturing to Bridal Mart this week. Would you say Charlotte was a trip worth making as far as dress shopping goes if I don't have luck with Bridal Mart?

crumbcake82

I suppose that depends on your budget.  New York Bride had several plus sizes but $800 was about their cheapest dress. That store was lovely though.   Poffie Girls and Bedazzled in Gastonia had several in bigger sizes as well, but that would be quite a drive.  Bedazzled was more like a David's Bridal. 

 The stores in Concord had very little that I could fit into to even get an idea of the dress (I'm a street 18)  but I did order mine from Impressions Bridal.  The ladies there were very nice, and worked with me for about 3 hours.  The whole process was very frustrating and probably my least favorite part of wedding planning.  

nerderella

I guess if I fell in love with something for $800, I'd do it, but there are dresses that are good enough in the $300 range-- so I think I'd have a hard time justifying it.  I am in the same boat where I just want this whole dress shopping experience isn't my favorite and I'm almost at the point of just taking the dress that looks best so far.  However, it might be worth a stop just to get an idea of different dress styles since we do plan on heading out that way to hit up Ikea one of these days.

It's been a bust doing bridesmaids dresses as well-- my bridal party ranges from a size 2 to an 18, and on the small end of the scale we're also finding limited availability for things to try on.  

reppunzel

I'm so, so sorry for your horrid shopping experiences!  <hug>

I'll 2nd (or 3rd) the suggestion for Bridal Mart, especially if you can buy off the rack.  As others have said, it's not luxurious, but it is a mammoth place and so they should have a good range of sizes in the dresses they carry. 

I will say that I had a very negative experience with Bridal Mart as a bridesmaid -- we ordered our dresses through them (wedding was in SC), and mine didn't fit, even though it should have according to their size charts.  I sew, and am familiar with proper measuring techniques ... I measured the dress itself and the measurements from the size chart wouldn't have fit into the dress.  We fussed and complained, but they wouldn't return/exchange.  Granted, they have a no return policy, but if you're gonna do that, you'd better have accurate size charts!!!  Several of the other bridesmaids had fit problems to, and we wound up having to reorder several dresses; the bride filed a complaint with the BBB (not that it went anywhere, I don't think).

So my advice -- by all means go there and try on dresses!  It should give you an opportunity to try different styles in sizes close to yours and see what you like/what flatters you.  BUT, since you have the time, if you can't buy the dress you want off the rack (and walk out of the store with it then and there), do some research.  I found a dress that I liked while visiting family on the West Coast (and I'm on a tight budget).  When I got home, I called Bridal Mart to see whether they had it in stock in my size (they didn't) and to get a price quote (~ $150 below the bridal salon's price).  I was really, really leary of ordering through them after my previous experience, and because most of the negative reviews online had to do with ordered dresses.  After lurking here on the Knot for a while, I found that there were a few legitimate discount websites for dresses.  I got a quote on the dress from Netbride.com and it was better than Bridal Mart (~ $250 below retail) and included shipping (pearlsplace.com also has a good reputation). 

If you do order through Bridal Mart, I would insist that they take your measurements and sign off on them, and see what you can get in writing ahead of time insuring a return/exchange option if it doesn't fit (based on their measurements and their size charts).  Also order waaaaaaaaay in advance.

Happy hunting, and I hope that your next experiences are much, much better!

jennyd412

I don't know about NC, but for anybody in New England or willing to take a trip, boticelli in north providence, Rhode island is fabulous . all dresses are 14 and up . I had a great experience, the owner was wonderful! I only went there . but I would suggest David's bridal for the range of sizes if Rhode island isn't doable.

BeeandNickey

Alfred Angelo is definately amazing in their specialty stores as well as just always having a wide variety of plus sized gowns. You can also try marysbridal.com they have a lot of dresses up to size 30 and they have a search engine that lets you know which stores near you sale any dresses. Good luck! I know how bad it sucks to be discriminated against while searching for something that should be so enjoyable!

nicole808

really bad shopping experience .jennifervola  and cmgilpin gave you good suggestions, it is better to call them first to arrange approintment first with your request.  or make custom made order from online shopping.