Stressing a little...

angeliza

FI and I had a fight about wedding costs today. Fun fun. And my dress isn't in yet. It was supposed to be in August 1st but I hadn't heard anything, waited to go in until I had the money in hand to pay it off completely and when I did she said that she was sure it should arrive any day now and that she knows that all the dresses for September weddings have been shipped. She couldn't give me an exact date, just "any day now". I'll tell you what, when I hit that 30 day mark if my dress isn't hanging in my closet I'm going to have my first bridezilla moment. Oh and also, my dear sweet aunt offered to hire me a pianist to play live music for our ceremony, and I don't know how to tell her I just don't really want that. FI and I really had envisioned playing about a half an hour of contemporary music before the ceremony as people arrive and get seated, etc. It was all going to be our favorite songs and songs that are significant to our relationship in some way. Live music for the ceremony was never a big priority for me, we're doing things pretty "untraditionally" and classical piano music is way too formal and traditional for me. I have a feeling she's going to be hurt if I decline her help with this...

danieleandwayne

Okay. First thing: BREATHE. Second: wedding costs. If the fight was resolved and you're all lovey-dovey again, no worries. If it's not, then see if you can't find some short cuts to make things cheaper-- my FI was not happy about some extra costs but I was able to get some things second-hand and other things (like our DJ) at a significant discount (men seem to have a thing about getting deals).Third: dress. My dress came in about 10 days later than originally quoted. It happens. It's the wedding season. If it's more than a 10 business days (ie. about 2 weeks late), go ahead and panic or whatever you need to do. (I hope that 2 weeks late is prior to your 30 day mark). And let us know how we can help-- if we have had similar experiences, you know that someone here can tell you what you need to say to get results.Fourth: ceremony music and your aunt. I don't know what you're doing for favours but if you're doing a cd favour, you can tell your aunt that you've already got the cds burned and a lot of the music is from your ceremony selections. Or if you're having a dj organizing the music for the ceremony, you can tell her that you don't think he'd go for sharing the musical responsibilities. Or, you can always try the "the venue doesn't have room for a piano" tactic... Good luck with that, though. Maybe your mom/dad (parent who is the sibling of this aunt) can give you suggestions on how to turn down your aunt's offer without offending/hurting her?Fifth: BREATHE. It's all going to work out (somehow) and you're going to have an AWESOME day! And you'll be married to a fantastic guy at the end of it! :-)Good luck!

angeliza

Thanks Daniele, I'm a bit more relaxed now. The money fight isn't exactly resolved, but only because I'm at work and haven't seen him since the fight which took place on his lunch break 12 hours ago. He hasn't been answering his phone all night so I don't know what's going on. I'll be better once I get home and talk to him. I'm only as concerned about my dress as I am because of all the negative reviews I've seen of my bridal salon and several similar situations in which the bride or bridesmaid did not get her dress on time. I still don't know who I'm going to have do the alterations though and one place I checked into charges a 25% rush fee if the first consultation is scheduled less than 6 weeks before the wedding. I was thinking about how I would approach turning my aunt's offer down when I remembered a few knotties talking about the guy they were hiring for their weddings who plays Beatles songs and I thought that would be a great compromise. My aunt could hire her live musician and it would still be contemporary music and totally our style. You're right, it will all work out, I'm just glad I have a place like this to vent!!   

jaimebeth9

The last month before the wedding was so stressful.  I was just telling my Mom last night that I'd do everything all over again except for the last 2+ weeks.  I'm sorry you're dealing with it too, but it will all work out. That was generous of your aunt, but if it's not you vision just let her know.  I don't think she'll be too hurt.  She wants you to have your special day, she just has a different idea of what it would be!

jgreg29

Oh Liza, don't worry, it will all work out. I agree with Jaimebeth. The last month is pretty stressful. It's such a pain but you're almost there! What's four weeks to four years right? And, you and FI will FINALLY be married next month. You're going to have a great day no matter what happens over the next month. As for the fight, I hope you guys worked things out when you had time to talk things over in person last night. I found that DH could get upset about costs but then I would walk him through why we needed something, paint a picture for him, and explain alternate options and why they didn't work. He definitely needed helping envisioning the day to understand why we needed to pay x amount for something or why we needed it! I would also bring up other areas in which we had saved significant amounts of money. That helped too, haha. As for your dress, fingers crossed! As Daniele said, once it is two weeks late, the gloves are off. Or 30 days. :-P Until then, it can still work out. Your aunt's music offer must have hit you hard. As long as I've been reading your posts, I remember you talking about the contemporary music you were going to have before the ceremony and it's obvious it is a very important element of the wedding to you. You're a very nice person, so I imagine you will find a way to decline your aunt's offer gently and she won't be offended. The Beatles musician is a good compromise, but if it still doesn't feel comfortable to you, stick to your guns. Perhaps the Beatles musician could play during cocktails or dinner? Best of luck! Let us know how things go this weekend. BTW, our semi-annual phone book delivery arrived on Thursday, along with a wedding invitation. The combination made me think of you collecting your RSVPs while standing on a pile of phonebooks!