Inviting people who aren't coming

amshaw1

Do you invite people you know aren't coming, just to be nice?

jpickering8

Yes if you actually want them there.. There was never any doubt that I'd invite my aunt uncle & 3 cousins from California even though they were just here last summer and usually only come every 5 years or so.. welllll they just told my mom they may be coming.. or at least my 2 oldest girl cousins.. And FI aunt and uncle have lived in NC for at least the past 6 years that I've known him.. didn't plan on them coming.. but then they were willing ot miss their grand daughters  graduation and come for the wedding.. and now they're moving back in April.. so if you actually want them there then yes.. if not then no!

ivyrose13

As pp said, if you want them there, invite them, you never know, they might surprise you.

amshaw1

Thanks! Guess I'm just stuck on the whole 'all or nothing' relative thing.  Did any of you invite some aunts/uncles/cousins but not others?  How did it go over? 

An example, I have an aunt who is a quadraplegic -- I haven't seen her in years and years.  My mom said I should invite her out of courtesy.......but if she DID happen come I have no way to accommodate because we'll be on the beach.

hcorr34

If we had followed the all or nothing rule, we would have had 25 people or 150 people at our wedding.  For me, it was the family that I'm closest to and have grown up around.  My dad isn't in the picture, so that's half of "my family" that's missing.  I only have two first cousins, but I'm really close to three of my mom's first cousins, so all of those families are invited.  That part of my extended family represents one of my gram's 4 siblings, but the rest we (even my gram) haven't seen in over 10 years. 

On FI's side, it got trickier.  Out of courtesy, all of his parents' siblings have been invited, even though he doesn't have a relationship with half of them.  The only cousins that are being invited are the ones that he has a relationship with.  For the most part, these are cousins of his that I also have a relationship with, or have at least met.  We had a long chat about it because if all of his cousins were invited, we seriously would have had close to 50 more people on our list.  If you don't have a relationship with someone, and you don't care whether or not they will come, then I say don't invite them. 

fickrj5

I have aunts that I am not inviting on my mothers side as they have kind of become estranged.  Invite those that you want there, you never know and you don't want to offend anyone who is close to you by just assuming that they can't make it.