rant

kateinater

So, I became a member of the knot to get new ideas and to chat with people involved with the wedding process.  At times I get pulled into other board conversations while looking for something.  Recently I was reading one about open bars vs. cash bars.  People were so insistent that cash bars were incredibly rude.  Some times the whole wedding etiquette is a little much for me.  I have never been to an open bar wedding in Maine and I have been to a bunch. They said it had nothing to do with location it had to do with "social circles".  I  am not offended by a cash bar, it's just what a lot of people can afford. 

fickrj5

I understand where you are coming from.  We will be doing open bar only for the cocktail hour and anything after that will be a cash bar.  My FI and I debated over this for a while and we asked our parents thoughts as well. we came to the conclusion that the open bar would be a nice gesture as for the most part we will be off taking our photographs and what not. Then for the remainder of the reception, those who want to drink usually dont mind paying for it.  Also, depending on the crowd, open bar can end up with a lot of drunk people at the end of the night.  I think that a cash bar helps to reinforce the idea of responsible consumption.  Just remember, it's you and your FI day, if people don't like how you do things then tough... don't worry about what they think, do what you want.

brownb

I agree that requiring an open bar is ridiculous, however, I also think that not providing something to guests is rude as well. Some ideas that we're throwing around are providing drinks for the first hour of the reception, giving drink tickets so each guest of drinking age can get two drinks for free, or having free beer and wine for the whole night. I've been to weddings that have done all three of these ideas and they all seemed to work very well. If you don't have it in your budget though I wouldn't worry about it because you're right, people in this area do not expect to have any type of open bar at all.

chayer227

We did beer and wine for a certain amount of money, "open bar" style, until the money ran out.  Somehow it ended up taking the vast majority of the night, but that CERTAINLY wasn't my plan.  If I had known it was dragging out that long, I would have cut it short long before. 
My DH was worried his friends and family would be offended if we didn't supply a certain (large) amount of booze for them.  That's why we did the limited open bar.  Just one weekend later, most of his friends were at another wedding, where there wasn't ANYTHING for free, and his friends dished out TONS of money on rounds and rounds of beers, without batting an eye. 
Honestly, most people don't believe that it IS acceptable in this area.  It is.  I don't even bother trying to argue it or justify it with anyone from someplace else.  I say, do what you can, and anyone who crucifies you for that, doesn't deserve to attend such an important event anyway!  Weddings are parties, yes.  Drinking binges, no.  You have to know your crowd when making the right decision for your wedding. 

MiniMin20

Yeah, I know what you mean, in all the magazines I read it says cash bar is unacceptable, but like you've all said, I've never been to a wedding with a complete open bar. Most have been open bar for cocktail hour only or drink tickets.

I personally feel that a wedding is one time when, if I want to drink, I don't mind paying for it, and I know most of my friends wouldn't complain either. And a 100% open bar would make for a total mess with some of our friends, since I know they would abuse it.

It always irks me at weddings where our friends have offered open bar for cocktail hour to see some of our friends order like 6 drinks and chug them just so they wouldn't have to spend $3 on a beer later. And the coordinator at Shawnee Peak made the good point that, if there is an open bar, most people won't be as diligent about finishing their drinks -- they may put it down, or forget where they put it, or let it get warm or watery, and just go get another one, meaning you (the bride and groom) end up spending way more on drinks than is really necessary.

If anyone (besides people on other boards) asks about it, you can tell them that Shawnee Peak won't even let you do a 100% open bar -- because they won't (at least that's what Scott told us). I think their limit is 2 hours. And hey, people should be happy they get to drink at all; you could be having a dry wedding...

kellyandmatt2010

I totally agree with the etiquette frustration! I know we're definitely not having an open bar for the whole time. We just don't have that kind of money and I'm afraid the groomsmen will get totally obliterated. I actually went to a wedding where there was open bar for wine and beer only for one hour and then the entire bar was shut down. You couldn't even pay to get any drinks. I would much rather have had it be a cash bar. So I don't think people would mind paying for the drinks. That is a good point too about people wasting the drinks when they're free.

jdenormandie

FI and I are having this conversation as well. We cant afford to have an open bar, yet we would like to offer something.

In addition to the three ideas someone mentioned above, we came up with another: offering a "bride/groom pick" drink. Basically we would come up with a drink (ie-Manhattan, FI is from NY), have the bartender make a few batches and offer one to each guest as they arrive for cocktail hour. They can take it or pass and everything else is cash bar. This way you can tailor a drink to your budget and not have to worry about guests abusing an hour open bar or some similar solution.

In addition, we might not even do a champagne toast. In our search for a venue, Scott at Mariners Church Banquet told us most people dont drink the champagne (or eat the cake). So why waste money on something no one will enjoy. Instead, we may opt to do a toast with whatever drinks people are holding in their hands at that moment.