No Pre-Cana?

hey_its_jenn

I thought I would only be lurking today but I just got off the phone with FI...He said he talked to our (Catholic) priest and since we met with him and took that 'compatibility test' thing, he said we don't have to do any other Pre-Cana thing.  No weekend retreat.  No classes for 6 weeks.  This makes me a bit nervous.  FI said don't worry about it but for some reason in the back of my mind, I feel like we won't be an official marriage without going through everything that everyone else does.  And I was really looking forward to the weekend retreat.  Am I just being crazy?  Should I just forget about it?

dicer2

I personally didn't feel I got much out of our pre-cana, though DH definitely did because he goes to church with me now.    If it means a lot to you, I'm sure the priest would let you go if you wanted to.

jennybean2010

why wouldn't it be an official marriage? because you didn't go through some class? it's a union between you and FI..that's all that is important. you'll still have the ceremony, and that is the most important part.

npales

We did Pre-Cana but no compatibility test, so I'd say we are even!

daveys_baby

If you feel like it's something that would benefit you then sign up for one regardless of if it's required or not.  We went to the 1 day class with Father Scott and he's a very entertaining speaker so it wasn't a waste of money IMO (ours was required).  Ours ran $50, I'm not sure what the weekend retreats cost though.  And to the best of my knowledge there's nothing in the vows about pre-cana so I think you'll still be official ;-)

snorge

I'm sure you CAN go if you want to--sounds like you just don't have to. We did the one-day thing with Fr. Scott, and really took some good things away from it--my MOH did a weekend retreat, and said it was really useful for them. I think it depends on how well it's done, and how much you put into it.

McBridetobe

If you want to do it still, I would.  We also did 1 day with Fr. Scott. 

Vanessa4444

Our officiant told us that it wasn't really necessary for us.  He said that us living together for the past three years is all the pre-cana we really need.  These classes are more of a traditional thing from back when couples didn't live together before they were married, and need counseling to get through the initial stages of your life together.  

hey_its_jenn

Thank you, guys.  I just wanted to make sure I wasn't going crazy.  Maybe since we have lived together + the compatibility test, he deems us worthy of marriage. lol

AMK2009

I didn't think Pre-Cana was optional for a Catholic marriage, but obviously your priest would know better than myself.  We had to meet with our priest multiple times, take the FOCCUS test, and do Pre-Cana.  We did the one day with Father Scott also.  While I enjoyed it mostly, I don't think I would feel like I would have been missing out on something if I didn't do it. 

d78

I don't know much about pre-cana, but I'd say if you both want to do it, then do it! If you don't really want to do it, then you may want to try this book called The Hard Questions. While certainly not a substitute for pre-cana in any way, it may help you to have some discussion points to really work through. It's basically a book of a hundred or so questions that are things people typically find are the source of their marriage difficulties. Very detailed questions about money, kids, sex, etc. It's quite enlightening.

julieyarz

Be careful.  My cousin's priest waiver pre-cana then he was transfered to a new parish and the new priest refused to marry her 2 weeks before the wedding.  They had to call the whole thing off.  If you are sticking with the same priest for sure it won't be a problem, but if there is any chance the priest might change, I would consider doing pre cana just to be safe.

KimWard

Oohh, I second The Hard Questions. Basically everything you could ever think of to discuss. DH wasn't thrilled about it (mainly b/c I wanted to go through the whole thing, and we had already discussed many topics), but it is interesting/helpful.

julieyarz

oh, and I didn't do pre-cana because we are having an Episcopal wedding, but they have a similar program.  I think being forced to discuss all the topics was good.  We had discussed a lot of stuff, but pre-marriage counseling was still useful.

Pirata13

I would definitely do it if you want to. And PP made a good point about the possibility of ending up with a different priest. My priest is really laid back, and does require the pre-Cana, but even so, I am making sure we have everything done as requested in case something would happen that he would retire before next year, especially because FI isn't Catholic so I want to make sure everything is good to go.I just registered FI & I for our Pre-Cana in October. It's a Friday evening & Saturday morning & afternoon, that's it.

colleenmclaughlin1

We ended up not being "required" to do pre-Cana because the one we had signed up for up here was the same day as FI's grandfather's funeral, so we couldn't go.  The next one up here is the week after our wedding.  When I explained the the priest, he did a mini-pre-Cana with us in his office (about an hour) and suggested that it would still be beneficial to go after the wedding, or to do a marriage retreat.You'll still be officially married!  Promise!

morganphd

I wouldn't worry about it.  However, I would make sure that I had everything in writing from the priest, just in case somethings happened at the last minute. BTW, we were told by oure priest that pre-cana is the American church's direct response to the divorce crisis.  It hasn't always been around and people did just fine before it

KarenN2009

We'd heard really good things about the Father Scott class, but when we called to register, we were told we were too old since we were both over 40.  It was the only time in the whole wedding planning process when someone made me feel too old for any of it.  We ended up taking a class at the parish where we are getting married.  It was two Sunday afternoons.  While we'd already talked about a lot of the subjects covered, I could tell some of the other couples hadn't.  We still found it useful.