July 2013 Weddings

Is your FI helpful in your planning?

I was discussing this with a friend today who is getting married next June. She's been pretty whiney lately that her FI hasn't really given any input in things he likes or doesn't like. I feel bad when she basically said "he thinks he just has to show up". At that point I kinda switched topic..but it made me wonder..do you all have fiances who actively help with the planning...picking colors, giving ideas, etc..??
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Re: Is your FI helpful in your planning?

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    depends on what we are talking bout if hes helpful or not.  we are doing it from 2 diff states.  he doesnt have accesss to computer so at moment its all on me and i have to give him stuff 2nd hand. 
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    Mine doesn't care about anything really. He told me that as long as I am happy we can go with anyone that I want for the photography, DJ and so on. He has helped me pick out colors and where we are getting married. I've just tried to not make him do things that he doesn't want to do because I dont want to fight over the wedding.
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    My FI has been very helpful, at least so far. I think if I was to try and get him involved in really nitty gritty details - like matching the exact color of our table linens to our flowers or something like that - he wouldn't get it or would just defer to my opinion. But with big decisions and the like he's very involved and wants to be!
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    So far, he's been pretty involved. He was super helpful in picking out the venue and our photographer. (he asked her how many "outfits" we get to wear in our e-pics, too funny!!) And he's pretty opinionated about what we do for cake and DJ. But as far as design elements go, when I talk about flowers or colors he just goes "as long as it's covered in the budget"and moves on. It's not that he doesn't care, because he'll listen and tell me he thinks my ideas are good, he just has no basis on what other colors or flowers might look better. 

    I also can't get him to tell me if he'd rather wear a suit or a tux I always get "whatever you want" and it makes me want to scream! I picked out my dress, why doesn't he want to pick out his wedding wear?! But really, that's the only part of planning that he's driving me nuts with. 
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    trent13trent13 member
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    edited June 2012
    My FI was not really helpful and complained about tagging along to meet with different venues and photographers at one point he actually said "Why don't you ask my mom to go to these things with you." I was really hurt and explained to him how I felt I told him that it's not just my wedding, and how important this day should be to both of us.

    Since then he has been more understanding and honestly tries to be more helpful but in all reality I just don't think planning and D.I.Y projects are really his thing so I try to do everything with our moms and sisters.
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    My FI isn't very involved (if you asked him what the colors were, he would have to check my binder.) But I don't want to say he's not 'helpful', because he's being as helpful as I want him to be.  He's not that interested in the planning, and I'm not that interested in having his help, I've dreamed of this since I was little, and he knows and understands that.

    He's a great sounding board, and will give opinions if directly asked, and if he has one, and when we started planning, he told me some things that he did and did not want.  He's less of a planner and more of a 'let me do it and help me with the stress-er"
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    FI is involved in final decisions and giving me feedback. I usually am at the final stages when I bring something to him. But FI is in school, so I try not to overwhelm him. He does sometimes get a attitude about going to vendors, but since the last time we have talked about it. So he will tag along for those things that are really important, such as the venue, photographer, etc. 

    The guest list, drinking list, and his/GM outfits is all on him, which he is interested in. I don't have too much of a say on those matter and I let him take the lead. 
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    MrsSearadMrsSearad member
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    edited June 2012
    I love having a fairly involved FI.  We both agreed it's our wedding and we want it to be us not just me.  Now of course he isn't invovled in anything close to everything.  I do alot of the research and get the ideas of what looks good and what I like and I discuss it with him to get his opinion usually.  Like when it came to the church and reception venues I came to him with a list of places big enough that I found acceptable and he knocked out some more and then once we got to 3 we made our decision together.  From what I can tell this is how we make a lot of our decisions lol.  It works so well with us honestly.  He doesn't have to do all the dirty work that boys don't like and I do which of course we all love.  I couldn't imagine FI not helping with decision making when it comes to our wedding.  I think I would honestly be at a loss with out him there.  On certain things I know I would never make a decision without him because I can argue that both sides are equally good and bad lol.
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    FI is pretty involved. He picked out the venue and all his groomsmen. We throw our ideas at eachother. We haven't talked about the wedding much lately but I had a nightmare about it last night so it will definitely come back up.
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    FI is completely uninvolved, but he made it clear from day 1 that he wouldn't be, so it's not a surprise or anything. I find a lot of people are shocked when they hear that though.

    He's offered some off-hand opinions - not getting married in June, he wants a grey suit, he wants red incorporated into the wedding, he doesn't want to write vows - but that's the extent of it. I'd like for him to be involved, but I'm also not going to make him do something he doesn't want to. 
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    Yes and no.  I ask his opinion and he tells me if he has a preference or not.  There's a lot of planning-related things that he just doesn't care about (flowers, for example).  It makes me want to incorporate the preferences he actually has a lot more.  He can get what he wants (or we can compromise) and the rest can be my artistic baby, lol.  So far, he's cared about:

    1) Having a kick-ass HM
    2) Including his kids as BP members
    3) Not having a huge wedding (small wedding was a compromise - he'd actually rather elope)
    4) Having the ceremony somewhere "with meaning" for us.
    5) Not paying for alcohol (I want to as part of being what I feel is a 'good host' - so that will be one of those things that either I'll save up extra for separate from "our money" for the wedding, or if we're gifted any money towards planning I'll put it in this category first)
    6) Wearing a tuxedo, as opposed to a suit

    Other than that, he's pretty much been the "tell me when and where to show up" sort of guy.  Some people just aren't into wedding planning - but I know he'll be there if I need him to bounce ideas off of or if I'm having a hard time decision-making.
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