How many of you...

birdie1020

...are in (or have been in) a long distance relationship with your FI? If not, would you ever consider being in an LDR or are you opposed to them in general? I'm bored at work this morning and thought I'd ask so I can get to know you ladies better

FI and I have been in a long distance relationship for 4 years out of the 6 we've been together. We'd see each other nearly every day for about 4 months out of the year, and he'd come out and visit me when he could, but for the most part it's just been phone/text/Skype. Now he's in basic training and we don't even have that, and it's driving me slowly crazy! (Seriously, I did not know it was possible to miss someone this much. And we've done a lot of missing!) But all in all I do not regret being in an LDR. It's going to make it that much more amazing when we're married and get to see each other every day!!

garbasaurus

I have been in long distance relationships before but not with my fiance.

I'm opposed to long distance relationships with someone you're planning on marrying.  Basically, I don't think it should be a long distance relationship at the time when you wed.  My reasoning is that when you don't see the person every day or close to it, a lot of times you see the awesome version not the clipping their toenails in the bathroom version.  A lot of times when you have periods of seeing them after a while everything is peachy and you overlook some things.  So suddenly you're married to a person who you don't know completely because they were always on their best behavior or your only had to deal with the laundry on the floor for a few days.

I'm not trying to knock your relationship, don't get me wrong.  I'm just speaking from experience and the let down that LDRs have brought me.

WildMagelet

FI & I were LDR for about a year when we first started dating.  We're up to 6.5 now.

Getting2Vowels

Ive only been in one LDR, many many years ago..never with my FI. He lived about a half an hour (20 mins the way he drives, lol) from me, and his job was another 20 mins in the complete opp direction. After I gave him a key to my apartment he used to drive down almost every night to spend time with me. Eventually he ended up quazi moving in (he had a drawer and a toothbrush at my place lol) and now he's about the power wash the awening on the house..as I sit and waste time before work

I couldn't imagine what you're going through. I don't think I could stand planning everything alone, no opinions or input from the man I'm to wed.

Just out of curiousity, have you two been able to live together and get to know eachothers quirks? Please don't take that rudely, are you worried at all that you might find you hate the way he folds clothes or snores like a monster truck? lol

NateandJustine

I've been with my FI for 7 years and a few years after we started dating he went off to college for two years and it was a ldr for two years until I graduated high school and went to college too. It was hard because we were young, but it worked out! We made it just through talking through aim, texts, a phone calls. It was really hard but we did it! Just hang on and you can make it! My best friend's FI is overseas right now and they are getting married in May. They have such a great relationship and they get to talk every once in awhile through email only. I believe that ldr help make relationships stronger Good luck! When does he get back home?

birdie1020

No worries, no offense taken here! They are perfectly valid questions We have taken several trips together/spent a lot of time in each other's domestic spaces (if that makes sense - we've spent time just doing chores together at each other's respective homes), so we're well aware of each others' daily habits. Plus, when I was home, we did see each other every day - we just didn't spend the night together, usually.

On the whole, I'm pretty easygoing about others' living habits (I lived with 5 other people in college, two of them total strangers, so I had to learn to deal with a lot of different lifestyles in a small space!), and we've talked explicitly about the things that absolutely will not work for either of us as far as habits go, and what we expect in terms of the division of household work.

As far as the wedding planning stuff goes, we just made sure to talk a lot about it before he left, and I'm honestly not doing too much without him in contact anyway. I am meeting with a potential photographer next week and I'm pretty bummed that he won't be there for it, but it'll be fine in the end!

Getting2Vowels

You seem so calm through this process. I'd be freaking out and begging him to come home. Kudos to you dolly!

Gabrielle76

I've never been in a serious long distance relationship (I had an online boyfriend in high school, but I don't really count it because we never met in real life.) But my parents were long distance for several years.  They got engaged when my dad suggested she move out to live near him, and she pretty much told him only if he proposed (I know ultimatums aren't a good idea, but they've been married 25 years, so who am I to say anything)

I'm really impressed that you're planning the wedding and going through everything without him.  Always remember that you have all of us to turn to if you need wedding venting/advice/help!

birdie1020

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2013-weddings_how-many-of-you?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a322ad2c-25cd-4d52-b123-096e1e4ecda5Discussion:f9361608-901a-41ae-ac75-3a6875487655Post:773d5f88-ca6f-4fc0-b149-a581931b1a31">Re: How many of you...</a>:
[QUOTE]You seem so calm through this process. I'd be freaking out and begging him to come home. Kudos to you dolly! :)
Posted by Getting2Vowels[/QUOTE]

Why thanks! :) Believe me, there have been a looot of freak outs, particularly two weeks ago when I found out that he had stress fractures and couldn't graduate when he was supposed to. But I just have to keep reminding myself that it'll all be over before we know it!

Belle0720

My FI and I live 45 minutes away from each other but we stay at each other's houses really frequently (sometimes 7 days/wk, sometimes 3 days/wk depending on our schedules) and we miss each other so much on the days we don't get to see each other! I seriously have a hard time sleeping without him there. I can't imagine how hard it would be being in a real LDR! For the most part, the LDRs that I've seen haven't worked out but I certainly think they can with a lot of effort and communication. And kudos to you for handling the wedding planning on your own while he's away, you are definitely stronger than I am!

keyaira04

FI have been together for about 5 years and have ALWAYS been in the LDR. 

Until last year, it not by choice. We met at a conference in DC during undergrad and started dating in our respective Indiana residences, about 3 hours away. We broke up due to being immature, school, our personal issues and yes, being LD. A year and 1/2 later, we started dating again. This time, I was in Texas, he was in Indiana = 22 hours car drive away. He flew to see me once. Then over the summer, I took an internship in Chicago to be closer to him, but he was still in Indiana: 3 hours away. This is our current situation now, as I have taken a job in Chicago. This job in Chicago was something I felt God called me to and Indianapolis for law school is where God called him. We thought we would apply for a job/attend law school in the same city, but it did not work out. Both of our love ones either hated or was ok with the situation. It took 6 months to deal with our choice, but we are better and stronger than we have EVER been. We travel to see each other every 2 weeks, which is our arrangement. During school breaks, he comes to Chicago.

You and I both know its hard work, but hey, it's life. Effort, communication, driving, busing, flying, emails, text, phone, 2 series of pre-martial counseling, money spend on travel, even calling off the wedding for a moment to pause and figure out how we were going to do this: All of it has been worth it. We always say that we can't wait for the day after our wedding: it will be the first time we are in the same place, living in the same house, with the perk of using the same last name. 

Thats my 2 cents on the matter. High blessings to you and your FI. You'll make it 

CKSillyPants

I have been in two LDR. Both were fairly miserable for completely different reasons.

The first time was when my high school sweetheart moved about two hours away to go to school. Basically he became so wrapped up in school and his new friends that he could barely make ten minutes to talk to me on the phone. I broke up with his jerk face.

The second time was with FI. We had been dating for five months when he left for basic training. But we had been through so much together in that short period of time that I felt closer to him than I had ever felt to anyone in years!
Basic was super rough but being able to see him graduate was amazing. We were in a LDR  for ten months. He was in Mississippi and I was in Oregon. I spent a week with him while he was there. Then he got stationed here. Two months after he moved here I moved up as well.
The dedication he made to me while he was away helped make me realize how special he is. However, I HATE LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS! Urg!

birdie1020

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2013-weddings_how-many-of-you?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a322ad2c-25cd-4d52-b123-096e1e4ecda5Discussion:f9361608-901a-41ae-ac75-3a6875487655Post:d8dce73a-033c-4794-ae65-a03d77f64882">Re: How many of you...</a>:
[QUOTE]I have been in two LDR. Both were fairly miserable for completely different reasons. The first time was when my high school sweetheart moved about two hours away to go to school. Basically he became so wrapped up in school and his new friends that he could barely make ten minutes to talk to me on the phone. I broke up with his jerk face. The second time was with FI. We had been dating for five months when he left for basic training. But we had been through so much together in that short period of time that I felt closer to him than I had ever felt to anyone in years! <strong>Basic was super rough but being able to see him graduate was amazing. We were in a LDR  for ten months. He was in Mississippi and I was in Oregon. I spent a week with him while he was there. Then he got stationed here. Two months after he moved here I moved up as well. The dedication he made to me while he was away helped make me realize how special he is. However, I HATE LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS! Urg!</strong>
Posted by CKSillyPants[/QUOTE]

So true. Even though we don't get to communicate as often as I would like now that he's in basic (and will be 4 weeks longer than we thought, thanks to his injury - UGH!), I'm always touched by how hard he is trying to take every chance he gets to contact me. I know at the end of the day that he's worth all the waiting and stress! I can't wait to see him graduate!

Saffaire

My FI and now live 4 mins drive from each other the only LD we had was when we travelled for 2 - 4 weeks and thats it. 

Saffaire

My FI and now live 4 mins drive from each other the only LD we had was when we travelled for 2 - 4 weeks and thats it.