Inviting someone to just the ceremony?

SCogs18

Ok, read my whole post before being like "omg that's so rude!'

Our guest list is complete and the STDs are sent.  One of my good friend's mom is quite fond of me and is very excited about the wedding, but is not on the guest list.  I talked to my friend and she said her mom "does not want to attend the reception, but she would  like to see the ceremony"  The mom isn't comfortable being at the same party as her daughter/possibly seeing her drinking.  Would it be totally rude to send her a little note when I send out invitations inviting her and her husband to the ceremony?  This was their daughter's suggestion, but I'm not sure what to do.  My friend also said that her mom (and maybe her dad) will come to the ceremony regardless if they are invited/get a note, but will not crash the reception.

smartlypretty

I get where you are coming from, but don't send them an invitation to just the ceremony. Reasoning is, I don't its necessary (and then you can avoid potential rudeness). For example, I was just a bridesmaid in a wedding for a former college roommate. My mom decided that she wanted to see the ceremony, so her and my dad drove over to the church. Churches are public places. If your friend's mom wants to go, she'll do what my parents did. 

BMcLeodTeam

I would just tell your friend that you are ok with them coming and leave it at that if it were me.

bridalmomma

Ok, read my whole post before being like "omg that's so rude!'

This cracked me up~~~ did you forget WE aren't the etiquette board!!! LOL

In answer to your question, I would call the mom (before sending the invitation!) and ask how she would feel about a just ceremony invitation... maybe explain due to seating, money, whatever you can't invite to reception. If she seems ok with it then I would invite them to the ceremony only.

SCogs18

[QUOTE]Ok, read my whole post before being like "omg that's so rude!'

This cracked me up~~~ did you forget WE aren't the etiquette board!!!
Posted by bridalmomma[/QUOTE]

HAHAHA!  You are totally right Deb!  I copy/pasted this from Invites and Paper and didn't think to remove it.  I knew if it didn't put a qualifier on the main board I would get ripped a new one.

caterpillar85

I would call the mom and invite her that way, no formal paper invite. That way you can find out for sure what she plans on doing. Plus she might love the fact that you called her and talked with her instead of just writing out an envelope.

jessa1228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_inviting-someone-to-just-the-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:013474fa-f27a-4a31-a98c-f0755e845df3Post:40f24351-2940-4b2f-8742-cb4e5f7688d6">Re: Inviting someone to just the ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]I get where you are coming from, but don't send them an invitation to just the ceremony. Reasoning is, I don't its necessary (and then you can avoid potential rudeness). For example, I was just a bridesmaid in a wedding for a former college roommate. <strong>My mom decided that she wanted to see the ceremony, so her and my dad drove over to the church. Churches are public places. If your friend's mom wants to go, she'll do what my parents did. </strong>
Posted by smartlypretty[/QUOTE]

<div>This is exactly what I was thinking. I don't remember if you're getting married in a church or not though.</div><div>
</div><div>If not, I'd have your friend ask her mom if she'd be ok with just an invitation to the ceremony. If she says yes, then go ahead and send her one.</div>

SCogs18

We are getting married in a church.  It would be no big deal for extra people to show up to the ceremony, but it would be a huge deal for extras to show up at the reception.

SCogs18

I just checked my post on Invites and Paper.  The ladies on there are telling me it is my obligation to have this woman and her husband as invited guests.  I just don't get it.  We have a finalized guest list.  They aren't on it.  She is a lovely woman and we have a larger budget, but we've reached it, for sure.  She is a great person, but when I think of the people I NEED/WANT at my wedding, she isn't one of them.

I am feeling so guilty right now.  I don't want to offend anyone, but my parents are paying for this whole event and if I told them "by the way, I want to add two more people...but I don't think they will come" they would lose their minds.  We already incread the guest list by 20 people because FI's family insisted upon it (although they won't pay for any of it).  I really can't push it any more.  Techincally I have the STDs and invitations at my house and I could sent one to these people (we've had two invited guests die since we sent STDs, so it wouldn't change the number invited....is that a really terrible thing to say?) but my mom and dad would be SO MAD if they found out that I invited two extra people without their okay.

AriesAngel86

I wouldn't sweat it! My grandmother came to my cousin's wedding (from the other side of the family) because she wanted to see me in the wedding. It wasn't a big deal at all. 

kmschuler

Remember it is YOUR day and you do what YOU want!  If you do not feel like your friends parents need to be there then dont invite them.  There will be a lot of times you feel guilty about not inviting someone but they all need to understand there is a budget everyone is trying to stay within

volleygurl0306

I think you should just tell your friend it is okay or call and say it is okay.  Or do nothing if your friend said they may just stop by no matter.  I get not wanting to offend them BUT it is waaaay more important not to upset your parents when they are being so gracious as to pay for your wedding (and they are your parents so that relationship is more important than with your friend's parents).  If there is no paper invite I don't think it is rude because it isn't formal. 

L&K2012

Ok first off, I am sure we have all learned to take the comments on those other boards with a grain of salt, they can be so SNARKY!  You by no means are obligated to invite anyone to your wedding...but I would suggest skipping a paper invite and making a phone call.  Just put it out there that your friend mentioned she wanted to come to the ceremony and let her know you would be extremely happy to have her at the ceremony.  This way she won't have a formal invitation with other details but she knows you are ok with her coming to the ceremony. 

bridalmomma

One thing to keep in mind.... what works for some does not always work for all!!! Some of the ladies on the other boards need to pull the etiquette stick out of their a$$!! Just saying..