Rough night and day, can I vent?

rbwashington2012

Last night I let FI know that the RD room and menu have been finalized and this Saturday we go to put the deposit down for the food since the room is booked for free. Anyway he decides again that he wants a different cake. He didn't like any of the last three bakeries we visited with. I am happy no deposits have gone down;  But I am beyond frustation with this matter cause this needs to be done ASAP. Going to a small bridal fair this weekend just for ths purpose.

Then this morning the STDs and invitiations finally arrived. He asked am I still addressing them this weekend. I told him yes and reminded him to pick up the address labels for that main purpose. He asked, why not just do it by hand? It would be more personal. THEN goes on to say that he didn't like the idea of us paying for any of the drinks for the RD. We are only paying for sodas, coffee and tea and having a cash bar.

On top of all his "changes", work is a nightmare due to budget season and I am the only person in my finance section since we lost two people within the last 6 months. Just the top lady, budget coordinator then me to handle the rest.

Beyond upset now and ready to cry......

volleygurl0306

That seems frustrated.  Everyones dynamic is different but I think I'd be screaming at my FI if I was in your situation.  Before you meet with another baker, I would make him write a list of what was wrong with the other ones.  If all he says is "Idk I just don't like them," you'll never get anywhere unless you have a shared vision in mind.  And, as far as the address labels go, unless he's going to help you handwrite them, I'd get pretty fricking irritated with him that he just asked you to spend more time on these without helping.  It is nice to be personal but STD don't have to be super formal so I don't think it is necessary.  I also think it would be really rude to only "pay" for your guests to drink water at your RD and not sodas, coffee, and tea.  How much can you really even save by cutting those (unless your RD is huge)?  But, even still I don't think that is the place to cut back on.  Cut back elsewhere.  A cash bar at RD is fine though.

Soooo if it wasn't clear, I think your frustration is completely justified.  And that sucks about work too!  That's a lot to fall on you.  Just breathe though and shake some sense into FI!

BMcLeodTeam

I would definitely be irritated if my FI was changing things all the time like that! That's totally stressful!!!!

rbwashington2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_rough-night-and-day-can-i-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:2b6d9672-9537-41d9-a538-130566574c0bPost:10757a8b-874c-4865-8de4-cee432a361f2">Re: Rough night and day, can I vent?</a>:
[QUOTE]That seems frustrated.  Everyones dynamic is different but I think I'd be screaming at my FI if I was in your situation.  Before you meet with another baker, I would make him write a list of what was wrong with the other ones.  If all he says is "Idk I just don't like them," you'll never get anywhere unless you have a shared vision in mind. <strong> And, as far as the address labels go, unless he's going to help you handwrite them, I'd get pretty fricking irritated with him that he just asked you to spend more time on these without helping.  It is nice to be personal but STD don't have to be super formal so I don't think it is necessary.  I also think it would be really rude to only "pay" for your guests to drink water at your RD and not sodas, coffee, and tea.  How much can you really even save by cutting those (unless your RD is huge)?  But, even still I don't think that is the place to cut back on.  Cut back elsewhere.  A cash bar at RD is fine though.</strong> Soooo if it wasn't clear, I think your frustration is completely justified.  And that sucks about work too!  That's a lot to fall on you.  Just breathe though and shake some sense into FI!
Posted by volleygurl0306[/QUOTE]

Thanks volleygurl...yeah I should be screaming at the top of my lungs about all of this. If he wants them that personal, he is going to have to help me. I bet the moment I say that, those labels will be in my hands quicker than you can blink lol. I thought it was beyond rude but a cheapsake for not paying for the sodas, coffee and tea for the guests. The allowance the RD location gave us for $15 which can cover the drinks because all of them are free refills and more of my side of the family drinks tea and water so I was more than happy to pay that amount.  Going to try to breathe. Shaking some sense in him is going to be this weekend at the bridal fair cause this better be the one or I am going to scream right then and there.

kmschuler

Oh man, I think I would have already shredded a few tears if I was in your spot.  Hang in there and try to talk to out! You have every right to be frustrated.

josephwedding

I'd be super irritated at my FI too. I agree on the cake thing, find out what specifics he didn't like about the other bakeries first. Then at least you'll have an idea where he is at. 

Sosteadilygo

Has he been at all the baker appointments? I hope so for him to be that opinionated about the cake!

I think the bridal fair will help a lot- I hope it will!

If you already had a plan to address all the STD's with labels, then I don't think it's fair for FI to change his mind, I'd be pretty frustrated too!

I hope this weekend is a little less stressful for you. :-)

mamameech

I'd tell him he doesn't have to eat the darn cake then! It's ok to have different opinions and it's good that he's involved, but he can't be changing things like that or being so picky. That's definitely irritating!!

hollyweenOR

THREE cake tastings? I mean, there's cake, and there's cake, but it's all cake. KWIM? He'll be lucky if he gets more than one bite (and that one smushed up his nose at this rate) on the actual day! I agree w/ the PP that said you need to sit down and list what wasn't ok with the other bakers, and decide specifically what you're looking for. Scream away.

Hope the work thing smooths out soon...

rbwashington2012

*UPDATE*
 
I think he realized how hot my blood is boiling so he sent me a pros and cons list of all 4 bakeries and provided me with a new one that he said might fit better. Sent me the website, what the cake type was (two-tier), the flavors, color for the icing and what decoration he wants on top (a yellow rose to symbolize our new beginnings together). He also he was sorry for the RD drinks statement. Said he was being a jerk about saying no to paying for the sodas, coffee and tea. Also said that you have enough on your plate at work for me to add un-needed stressed to your day.

As for addressing those STDs, he is still mute on it. Goign to make sure this gets cleared up before the night is out.

He is still not out the dog house but this is a start.

island07b2b

I would try to express to my FH as calmly as I could how much he is driving me crazy!  LOL!  He probably doesn't know until you do.  No need to frustrate yourself more by keeping it in. 

Oh I just saw your update.  That's a big start.    Tell him to keep doing those types of things and he can come out of the house.  Sound slike he may have a few frustrations too that just came out the wrong way with you. 

bellabananas

Oh my what a punk! Has he been super involved with all of the little details or just randomly came in with veto power? It sounds like you guys are on your way to working things out, I hope everything goes well!

volleygurl0306

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_rough-night-and-day-can-i-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:2b6d9672-9537-41d9-a538-130566574c0bPost:257303fc-f3a2-443c-8de3-5b7e817ca672">Re: Rough night and day, can I vent?</a>:
[QUOTE]*UPDATE*   I think he realized how hot my blood is boiling so he sent me a pros and cons list of all 4 bakeries and provided me with a new one that he said might fit better. Sent me the website, what the cake type was (two-tier), the flavors, color for the icing and what decoration he wants on top (a yellow rose to symbolize our new beginnings together). He also he was sorry for the RD drinks statement. Said he was being a jerk about saying no to paying for the sodas, coffee and tea. Also said that you have enough on your plate at work for me to add un-needed stressed to your day. As for addressing those STDs, he is still mute on it. Goign to make sure this gets cleared up before the night is out. He is still not out the dog house but this is a start.
Posted by rbwashington2012[/QUOTE]


Glad to hear this...that is certainly an improvement!