September 2012 Weddings

Advice for September 2013 Brides

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Re: Advice for September 2013 Brides

  • Now that we're back from the honeymoon, a few more thoughts!

    - Definitely plan on getting out of Dodge right away. Even if it's two nights a short car trip away. You just want to decompress somewhere you don't have to look at piles of laundry or wedding stuff that needs to be put away, or whatever. There's just so much stimulation that goes with the wedding, it's such a delight to just get lazy for a couple days w/ your new spouse! And if possible, get back from your honeymoon a couple of days before you have to head back to work. Time is really one of your biggest luxuries at this point! We got back Friday night, and are mixing fun stuff with getting the house back into order. Better than having to walk right back into work with travel fatigue and a crazy house.

    - A day-of coordinator is really a magical person!! :D She allowed me to relax, told us when it was time to cut the cake and all that, and took care of all the "hostessy" stuff that typically consumes me when we throw a party. Not one vendor came to me (or my MOH or my mom or anyone but the coordinator) wanting to know whether we wanted them to do this or that, pulling us out of the moment, etc. They knew she was the go-to person and it was really fantastic.

    - We did a first look (awesome! So great to spend all that time one on one w/ my guy- and the photog of course), all on the grounds of the hotel where the ceremony & reception were. Towards the end, we planned some wedding party pics too. Around the end of that time, the photographer planned a bit of down time- at first I was just staying in the parlor of the hotel and guests sort of kept wandering in, wanting to talk, offer congratulations, all that. I wasn't really concerned about them "seeing" me before the wedding, but I realized after a few minutes that my energy was getting really sapped, and my focus was kind of drifting. I went up to the suite for the last 20 minutes to collect myself, just sat quietly and thought about the meaning behind the day and all that. I asked my MOH not to call me down til everyone was out of the lobby and it was about time for the wedding party to head down the aisle. Just a little time out like that helped me reflect on the ceremony & ritual and be calm and focused and joyous, not frazzled & overwhelmed!
  • Oh yeah, and definitely ditto the rewards card thing. Holy cow. That was cool.
  • This thread is going to be my bible. Thank you so much for all of your advice!!
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  • Ok my turn!

    I know everyone has said it but think really long and hard about your WP. Don't pick someone who THINK you are still close to. Really think about WHO you and your FI know, and who is genuinely happy for you. I know this sounds bad, but I strongly suggest doing a secret interview with girls you may want. Go out for coffee, and just chat about what shes up to, like old friends. If you find that you struggle to make conversation, or you hear that she is really having a ton of financial hardship, you may want to save yourself and her the burden of trying to force this on her. One of my girls had been drifting from me for a while and had occasionally made rude comments to me, but she was still a long time friend so of course I asked her. Turned out to be pretty rough, with her barely ordering her dress on time, and then basically calling me fat two days before my wedding. So really try to make sure you have people who really are your friends, and not who USED to be.

    People always say weddings bring out the worst in others. I think that weddings just magnify personalities. Remeber this when picking BMs or dealing with family. Maybe your sister is a known drama queen, or your FMIL is controlling. It wil be 100x worse. Be prepared.

    Someone will always try to take over your day. "You should" is now my least favorite phrase in the english language. Whatever you do, be firm, not nasty. If you lose your cool, that gives people more fuel to call you a zilla. Find a way to just calmly say "We have that under control and already taken care of" then run and never speak of it again. If you have an IL who is being a jerk, let your FI deal with it. You are not a family member yet so don't piss people off, Also, do NOT let someone pay for something if you do not know exactly what will be purchased. I was not a fan of my cake because we let my MIL pay for it and we never got to choose where it came from or anything. You may not get everything you want, but do not let someone sway you into doing something you def DO NOT want because you couldn't be firm.

    Also.... do not listen to any of the BS on the main boards on here. I don't know WHERE some of those girls get off being assholes to everyone, and most of their advice is not applicable unless you are a self-loathing, spineless, push over. Stick with your Sept 13 girls!
    vainemerald
  • First, I would take in the day and don't worry about little things that may go wrong. We forgot the thank you banner I spent a while making but it just didn't matter. I was so happy that nothing else mattered.

    Most brides say that their day went by really fast, but it didn't seem like mine did at all! I was so relaxed all day that it went by pretty slow!

    The things you are stressing about right now, in the end don't really matter at all! Get the basics down and leave everything else. I did A LOT of DIY stuff, and I did manage to get everything done, but if you are stressing about it at all just don't do it! Definitely have a plan and do one project at once and make sure to complete that project before moving on to the next one!

    Make a lot of lists! I made so many lists it was ridiculous lol, but it helped me to stay relaxed throughout planning. Even up to the day before I was making lists and checking them off so I felt accomplished! That helped a lot!!

    Last, but most important is try not to take stress out on FI!! I had one slip up that I felt bad about, but try to channel that into something else instead of on him lol.

    That is it! Please do not hesitate to contact ANY of us for questions, I am speaking for everyone when I say this is an amazing group of girls and we would be thrilled to help. :) Also, make a FB group of your month board, we did and I loved being able to share our experiences with them, bounce off ideas, etc.
    Planning/Project Fit

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    "Sounds of laughter shades of earth are ringing through my open ears inciting and inviting me"
  • edited September 2012

    Err tk ate my post! I will answer these instead..

     

    Update: haha, I guess it didn't eat my post but it seemed like it.. It's good to answer these for you ladies anyway! :)


    BEFORE

    1. How long did it really take you and your bridesmaids to finish getting ready?

    It was me, MOH, mom and flower girl that got ready. Our hair/mua came to our hotel room to get us ready. She had one other girl with her- it took about 3 hours total.


    2. Did your wedding party follow your timeline pretty well, or did your group end up falling behind? 
    We followed it almost exact, maybe 5 minutes off.

     

    3. What’s something you spent too much/too little money on?

    Honestly, nothing. We spent a lot of money on the officiant but I wouldn't have changed that for anything.

     

    4. What is one detail that you sort of overlooked that you wish you had paid more attention to? What is something that you put tons of effort into that ended up being mostly unnoticed?

    Honestly, nothing. Everything worked out perfectly, even the stuff I DIY'd.

     

    DURING

    5. What was a small detail from you wedding that really had guests "oohing and ahhing"?

    All of the decorations, I couldn't say just one thing. DH and I either made or put together all of the decorations ourself and people LOVED them.

     

    6. Did you or your FI drink too much/too little/just right/not at all?

    Just right. :)

     

    7. Was there a piece of music that surprised you as a hit at the reception? What were the guest favorites?

    A great song to start off the wedding was 'Start Me Up' by the Stones, people were going crazy about that. We didn't have a typical wedding though lol.

     

    8. Best compliment you got from a guest?

    Hands down the best compliment was from my dear friend who told me it was the most comfortable wedding they have ever been to. I will never forget she said that.

     

    9. If you didn't have a DOC, did you have much to worry about that day?

    I had a DOC and that was the BEST money I have ever spent.

     

    AFTER

    10. What was the best part about your big day?

    The best part was everything lol. No really. I loved every second- everyone you care about being in one space was an absolutely amazing feeling.

     

    11. What was something you were really stressing out about but turned out to be not a big deal/totally fine?  What is something that ended up being a waste of time or money?

    Nothing was a waste of money. :) I was a little nervous about walking down the aisle, and even though I bawled it was awesome.

     

    12. What time did you end up leaving the reception?

    At the end, we went to go party with everyone back at the hotel lol.


    13. What is the most important/first thing you did/needed to do once all of the wedding craziness subsided?

    Spend time alone with husband! Absolutely.

     

    14. Who was your favorite vendor now that the wedding is done

    That one is REALLY hard, I seriously LOVED all of my vendors. I would say it is probably a toss up between the caterer, DOC, DJ and Photographer. I really cannot choose one!

     

    We made it a point to choose vendors that we felt comfortable around and it showed throughout the whole night. I don't really consider them vendors at all they were so amazing.

     

    15. What was one highlight from the big day that will remain in your memory every time you think back on your wedding day?

    Everything lol. I really can't pinpoint one.

     

    BONUS

    16. Where did you go for your wedding night?

    The hotel we got married at comp'd our room.

     

    17. How long did it take you or your FI to get all of the pins out of your hair on the wedding night?

    Like 5 minutes, and I did it the next day. :p

     

    18. What is one piece of advice you would offer to a bride on her wedding day? 

    Take it all in and enjoy. I honestly think the wedding day went by slow for me because I was relaxed and just enjoyed it all!

     

    19. Favorite picture from the day? (extra credit for PIP!)

    I don't have professionals back, I will post as soon as sneak peaks are in!

    Planning/Project Fit

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    "Sounds of laughter shades of earth are ringing through my open ears inciting and inviting me"
  • Be organized. Do things a head. Don't wait to the last minute. Seriously. I was freaking out the weekend before because I had nothing to do. Looking back, I wish I would have relaxed more and enjoyed every minute. It goes so fast and I know everyone has probably said that but you will blink and its over.

    Once you sign the marriage license, you are married and you can enjoy the day. Good luck!
  • If you have any misgivings at all about a bridal party, JUST SKIP IT ALTOGETHER. It seems like most of the drama and problems and headaches that come with wedding planning come from the people involved.

    Work together with your partner. This isn't a surprise party for the groom. Ask his opinion, even if he doesn't care, because then he will know you value his opinion, which you should since you are marrying him after all.

    Be mindful of how much you gab about the wedding. Remember, no one cares as much as you and unwanted opinions can be hurtful.

    Let go of control of things. I let people I love take on projects if they asked and I did not micromanage them at all. If you choose to delegate, you have to trust that person to execute it. Make it more of a priority that your godmother (for example) did it, than it be done perfectly.

    Things will go wrong. Accept it now. It will still be awesome even if it isn't "perfect".

    It's okay to be invested in this day, we wouldn't be on these boards if we weren't, but have perspective and a sense of humor about the whole thing.

    I recommend pre-marital counseling, no matter who you are. It never hurts to check in and give your relationship a tune up. You always have something to learn about how to communicate, express your needs, understand your partners needs, argue effectively, etc.

    Have fun! This is a party, and parties are supposed to be fun. If something stops being fun, stop doing it, because NONE of it is required except the marriage license and someone to sign it and make it legal.
    image 141 Invited so far!
    image 112 Are ready to party!
    image 29 Will be missing out!
    image 0 Are MIA!

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  • This thread is awesome!!! I especially loved one post that recommended having it at a hotel if that's your thing.  We are having a ton of OOTs so I think being able to escape to our room when it's all over will be fantastic.
  • By total fluke something caused us to be delayed for our entrance into our reception. It rained for our whole wedding, so they couldn't leave us outside waiting, so my coordinator had us go sit down in the golf club house while we waited.... result?

    If there is ANY way for you to schedule in even just 10 min alone, just you and your groom, with no photographers, no wedding party, no coordinators or guests, it was the best thing that could have happened to us! We had a chance to just take a few moments and take in each other, talk about how we felt and enjoy some time together. I think every wedding should have this time!
  • I didn't read all of the posts, but I'm sure a lot are similar. Regardless, here's my best advice:

    No matter what you do, something will go wrong. Accept it. I was late walking down the aisle. The caterer was being a butt face for a moment. Bugs were literally getting trapped in my dress. The shoes I loved didn't fit me. A lot went wrong, but SO MUCH went right. I married the love of my life, we had good food, good music, good drinks.

    Do as much as you can ahead of time. We were still running around like crazy the day before getting stuff ready and that was the soonest we could've done it. We also had to scrap some stuff because there was just no time or we were exhausted. 

    Decide on what is most important to you BEFORE booking anything!!!! Does the venue matter but the cake is whatever? Research about how much it will all cost. There were a bunch of things that turned out more expensive than we thought. Which brings me to...

    I highly recommend springing for a DJ. Highly. We considered doing our own through an iPod, but I'm SO glad we got a DJ. We got so many compliments too! Dancing was really important to me and the reception would NOT have been what it was without him.

    Bottom line: Research your vendors. Look at pricing, portfolios, and reviews and ultimately go with your gut. Our caterer, DJ, venue, and photog were all waaaay under what you would expect to pay, but they were FABULOUS. Just because they are cheaper doesn't mean they suck. Case in point, my photographer had done weddings before but still needed to build his portfolio. Thus he was cheaper.

    Really think about your WP. Keep it as SMALL AS POSSIBLE. We had 3 guys, 3 girls, and no one else... that was difficult enough. Also remember that they have lives and may not have big budgets. Whoever you choose, you chose for a reason. Be nice to them. They're family/friends.

    I think that's it for now. I'll post more if I think of something. =)

    Good luck September 2013 Knotties!!!!! I hope your groupd is every bit as amazing as the September 2012 girls are =)
  • I agree with so many PP, remember...this is you and your FI's day, not anyone else's day.  Plan what you love and what will make you happy.

    Make payments throughout the year so that at the end you aren't left owing a lot of money.  We didn't and that made the last month very, very stressful.

    If you are doing DYI, start now.  There is no such thing as too early. 

    Lean on the ladies from TK, your friends in real life might be excited for your wedding, but they do not want to hear about it all of the time.  Release your stress and vents on the TK.  Get suggestions and just talk about your wedding because these ladies are going through the same thing.

    Take time out to spend time with your FI and do not wedding related things.  When you start to bicker,  and you will, take a deep breath and suggest doing something that has nothing to do with the wedding or something that you haven't done for awhile.

    Congrats and have fun planning!!!
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  • Don't be afraid to use your minions.  Your bridesmaids and groomsmen, and even your parents and siblings?  They're your minions -- they're there to help, so USE THEM.  That doesn't mean being a total bridezilla, but if you need something to get done, don't be afraid to ask them to help!
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    vainemerald
  • 1) Just have fun, and take the whole day in stride.
    2) Do what you and FI want, and don't let anyone try, and change that
    3) Don't let the small stuff stress you out the most, I.E. Hotel Bags
    4.) Just enjoy every moment you can like Dress Shopping, and doing the favors, and Invitations
    5) Don't let little stuff on Wedding day that go bad ruin the whole day just let it go, and just enjoy you and your New DH!!!
    6) We are always here for advice!!!

    Congrats Girls Enjoy your day!! We are happy for you!! Laughing
  • I just thought of something to add in case anyone comes back and reads this. =)

    I enjoyed our HM to Mexico which we went on the MOnday after our Saturday wedding... BUT I wish we had done a mini-moon and then taken our bigger HM about this time of year. I was so tired from all of the running around and stress (plus I got about 4 hours of sleep that entire weekend) that I slept the first day we were there. Plus I got a little sick from the flight. It was a pretty expensive trip for me to be laying around so much. DH says it was still awesome, but I kind of wish I could go back and re do it. Anyways, just a thought for you ladies. Hope the planning is going well!!!!
  • edited January 2013
    Take the time to take the pictures after the ceremony, and write down the pictures that you absolutely need.  For instance I got pictures with all of my husband's family on both sides as a group photo, didn't do it for my family.  My ever so impatient husband hates taking pictures so he wanted to hurry up and get them over with.  Well after I got the pictures back I was upset that I didn't get the ones I wanted.  After the ceremony we just went behind the church which was beautiful and took more pictures.  Well the groomsman wanted to hurry and get in the limo to start drinking, I didn't want to make them mad so I just went along with it.  Again, I regret that.  They should have just shut their mouths and I should have opened mine and spoke up.

    Oh and if you have 2 pairs of shoes, one for the ceremony and one for the reception, make sure your mom doesn't think you already have your other pair of shoes and you don't have any for the limo ride and you can't get out and go to the bar or walk around a bit lol.

    Quadruple  check with your bridesmaids of what they want done at the salon, hair and make up, just hair, just make up.  Then really triple check and confirm with the salon that they have everything correct.

    If you are dieting, make sure your garters fit, mine slid down in the middle of the ceremony lol.  It made for a good laugh for those in the front who seen me kick it off at my bridesmaids.

    Take time to eat.  My food was so good but I didn't get to really enjoy it because we ran lat because the limo driver missed the exit so we rushed through eating to make sure there was enough time for dancing and stuff like that.

    Don't forget the gifts for the bridal part or the mothers.  I got my mom and mil hankies that were embroidered and would have been a lot more special on the day off rather then after the honeymoon.

    If you are on a budget and can afford monthly payments, I would suggest deltavactions.com.  You can book your hotel, flight, car, things to do all on there and it is due one month before you go.  Our honeymoon was over $5000 and using that website we were able to afford it without being totally broke.

    I can't think of anything else right now but I'm sure the more I think about it the more things I will come up with.

    Good luck!
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  • Wonderful advice.  As usual I'm behind the curve reading it, but it has helped reassure me that I'm doing the right thing, taking my time and enjoying this process.  Thank you September 2012 Knotties!!
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