Best Friend and her Roommate crossed the line *vent and sorry if long*

rbwashington2012

I been going back and forth lately with my best friend (the one that was in the hospital a while back) and yesterday crap hit the fan in a big way to cause me to cut off all communications and the invite to the wedding. To make a long story short, her roommate contacted me to let me know about best friend was rushed to the hospital Sunday night. Thanked her for telling me and left it at that, so I thought. Well her roommate decided to dig into a further issue that was not her place to get in the middle of. She starts to talk to me about how my best friend has been highly upset that I haven't been giving her the "attention" I normally do and wondered why I haven't been talking to her. I told her that it's nothing my best friend needs to concern herself about and when I feel she needs to know I will let her know. There has been some family issues that have caused me to shut down on a lot of things and people to focus on my family that require my full attention.  She goes on to say yes it has to be something and you are hurting your best friend feelings not being there for her. I told her she was out of line for that statement and after that my phone sent a partial text . The roommate took it the wrong way and says sorry for informing you about your best friend and sorry that its causing you some burden or something like that. HOW RUDE!!!!! The roommate, from what I was told,  throws the phone to my best friend still in the hospital (i think) and storms out with this weird look on her face. So this starts a whole spiral effect of text messages and phone calls to me, my other best friend and my FI that lasted until almost time for me to leave from work. More information comes out that my best friend told her roommate not to tell me stuff and etc etc, stuff I didn't want to know.  So  best friend has for the last 12 plus house kissing my butt to not end the friendship is where we are standing now. There are two of us who are friends with my best friend and it boils down to this, the people that are there for her, she uses and abuses them until they have had enough and washes their hands of her. I never noticed the pattern until last night thinking about it. I haven't washed my hands clean of the friendship, just took a serious step back for awhile. After some time goes past, I will talk to her again and put everything out there on the table. FI even agrees with the deicision because she called him crying and he told her, you made your bed now you have to lie in it. There is nothing I can say or do to change Rhonda mind. Communication is like trust in her book, and the fact you did all this back and forth communication mess with her, she feels she can't trust you or your roommate. Its better to just leave well enough alone until she comes around on her own.
 
Sorry for the long vent ladies. I still never thought a wedding would bring out the true colors of a person.

CowgirlK39

It's really amazing how one day can cause such issues in friendships. It's a shame people can't mind their own businesses either. The roommate was WAY out of line, and your friend needs to understand that just as she is having life issues, other people do too. It is too bad she is in the hospital, but you can't drop everything that you have on your plate to play poor-me with her. Take some time to take care of yourself, take a deep breath, and then maybe try to approach this with a level head later. It isn't getting worked up about. *Huge hugs for you* Good luck.

rbwashington2012

Thanks Cowgirl and its a shame how people can't mind their own business. I am going to have to approach this with a level head, sad that it has to be after the wedding. FI is going to let her know about the invite since I don't have a calm enough head to even talk to her period.

volleygurl0306

I'm so sorry girl!  I know your friendship was already falling apart but I was hoping it wouldn't blow up.  Her roommate was way out of line to get involved.  I agree with your FI that is best to take some space and take care of you.  And, to not be understanding about family issues is not the trait of a friend for sure. 

I totally understand what you said about noticing the pattern.  My best friend/roommate in college was similar.  When we first met I couldn't believe how many people had treated her terribly and all these ex-best friends she had that mistreated her.  Two years later I realized that was her spin on the fact that she loved drama and if it didn't exist she created it so she was why all these people left her hanging.  She and I no longer speak because I just don't have time or patience for that drama.  I wish her well but don't need to be involved in that toxic headache.  Hopefully your friend will come around, but if not, just find peace in that you can't let others bring you down (and you can separate yourself without ill feelings towards them too once you have some time to heal).  Big hugs girl!  Stay strong. 

lauraps

Sorrry to hear this girl! I am dealing with a friendship falling apart because of the wedding to. Its just sad. Stay strong! You are almost to  the most important day of your life with your love!

BMcLeodTeam

I am going through a similar 'realizing the pattern' with a friend right now. Its hard, but its for the better. I am still deciding what I am going to do about the situation.
Her roommate was out of line! Also you can't just drop EVERYTHING to run to her side. If she was in ICU and you didn't know if she'd make it I'm sure you'd be there, but if she's well enough to be texting with you, then you can't spend every single second there!
Sorry you're going through this.

gabriel0915

People like that drive me crazy. I don't care if it's celebrities, friends, family, if it's not their business it's not. I completely think that stepping back is the best decision. Things may look differently when you step back. If they are a REAL friend they will understand that you have things going on in life as well. Friendships shouldn't be needy. I hope things get better fo you and things works out. Good luck

rbwashington2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_best-friend-and-her-roommate-crossed-the-line-vent-and-sorry-if-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:3519fd63-d27b-4e96-b82c-f357a7462c05Post:aa9d871f-005d-439c-867e-c7e3eb5db65f">Re: Best Friend and her Roommate crossed the line *vent and sorry if long*</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm so sorry girl! <strong> I know your friendship was already falling apart but I was hoping it wouldn't blow up.</strong>  Her roommate was way out of line to get involved.  I agree with your FI that is best to take some space and take care of you.  And, to not be understanding about family issues is not the trait of a friend for sure.  I totally understand what you said about noticing the pattern.  My best friend/roommate in college was similar.  When we first met I couldn't believe how many people had treated her terribly and all these ex-best friends she had that mistreated her.  Two years later I realized that was her spin on the fact that she loved drama and if it didn't exist she created it so she was why all these people left her hanging.  She and I no longer speak because I just don't have time or patience for that drama.  I wish her well but don't need to be involved in that toxic headache.  Hopefully your friend will come around, but if not, just find peace in that you can't let others bring you down (and you can separate yourself without ill feelings towards them too once you have some time to heal).  Big hugs girl!  Stay strong. 
Posted by volleygurl0306[/QUOTE]

You are so not kidding volleygurl! I had no idea that it would get this far so soon. I had a gut feeling over the weekend about it cause something was just not adding up right. Well she and her roommate confirmed it for me big time yesterday and I am glad too. She has pretty much written me off already from what I was told and I left it alone. I frankly don't care either. If she wants to sit in her own pity party then she can do it alone. Plenty of us have told her before that we all have lives we have to live and can't trip everything at the drop of a dime cause you having a needy attack. Hope this makes her grow up finally. She burned a lot of bridges because of this.