Living with my parents (NWR vent)

volleygurl0306

When we moved back to FL from VA back in November we needed to get our bearings so we moved in with my parents.  Then FI took a job out of town so we didn't see the point in getting a place for me to live alone.  Now FI has no job so we can't afford our own place.  We aren't even breaking even on the rest of our bills to throw in rent, utilities, cable, etc.  FI is beyond over being in my parents house.  I get it...I really do but I'm at a loss of what to do.  Fi and my dad bump heads sometimes because they have different personalities.  We are confined essentially to my little room.  And to top it off my parents are trying to sell the house so every so often they give us less than 24 hours to have to have the room spotless because someones coming to see it and the room just doesn't fit two peoples things (and we are on the messy side).  I get they are helping us out and don't want to be ungrateful but I feel so stressed being in the middle of it and with FI getting so pissy.  He's waiting to hear from a police department and has a decent shot but even once he gets a job moving is expensive and I feel like he wants to just get out without thinking thru the financials of it.  I'm really supportive of his police dream but when he gets pissed at being in my parents house, sometimes I just wana say "Well, you're unemployed so what do you expect?  We are lucky we aren't homeless."  Carrying all the financial burden is really weighing on me and most the time he's aware but sometimes he just gets frustrated and rants.  And on top of it making me feel more financial stress it is an odd position because he's frustrated with my family.  Ugh  thanks for reading.  Just had to get that off my chest before I talk to FI about it

doublenn

Ugh, I'm so sorry, it sounds like a really sticky situtation.

 

Is he not familiar with your current financials? The fact that you're struggling to make ends meet? If it were me, I wouldn't have any problem reminding him that since he's unemployed, you're lucky that your parents are helping you guys out. He sounds very bratty to me, considering he's getting all this help, and he's still whining about it. It's your parents' house, your fiance should understand that and obey house rules with humility, not pick fights.

Trins

You are right to feel frustrated. It is alot to go through and does strain the relationship - this I know from experience! We have gone through it both ways actually. Earlier on in our relatiosnhip I was the one supporting both of us - it was rough and at times I resented him but I knew it was just the stress of what we were under that was making me feel that way. We are now back in the same situation but he is the one supporting us. We moved for his job and I am having a hard time finding work because it is such a small town with NO employment. So now he is the one who I am sure is resenting me at times. I feel awful because I can't contribute just as I know he did. So while at times you feel high and mighty (not meant to sound mean) because you are emplyed just realize that it easliy can be the other way around. They say money struggles are one of the hardest things a couple can go through and I truly believe that. You guys are in it together as a team and you just really have to remember that in times like this. As for the living with your parents part - I am sure he is thankful for their generousity but at the same time that situation is very stressful as well. I know both of us would be feeling the same way despite being grateful to our parents for helping out. And it would be more difficult for him because it's not "his parents" if you can understand that. I know I would feel more out of place in my FI's parents house then I would my own parents.

That's my thoughts on the situation and we are going through the same thing so I totally get it!

jodies68131

That is a really difficult situation to go through, but it really will make you stronger. Eventually you will be able to look back and think...."whew look what we made it through, we can make it through anything!"  Sometimes a rockier start really helps build solid foundation. Good luck, thankfully you have us to  vent to!!

volleygurl0306

Thanks ladies!  He does know the financial situation and thanks me regularly for all I am doing for us.  He was just having a rough day yesterday and it was overwhelming for me.  Not that I need my feet kissed but I just am trying to be the positive one and it is hard to cheerlead alone.  He is in the final stages of applying to the police department and I think as he gets through to each of the next stages, instead of getting more hopeful he gets more nervous that it is still going to be a no and he's waited all this time (it is a looooong process).  Right now we are in the "wait to hear" phase because he did his polygraph on Tuesday.  He didn't sleep at all last night so I'm hoping a good call is coming and coming soon!  Appreciate you girls letting me vent because I know how frustrated he is so I tend to bottle up my fears/frustrations to point out silver linings to him.