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September 2012 Weddings

Best Advice...

Figured I'd post a lighthearted post and question.

During the planning process, which we all know is so stressful, EVERYONE has to insert their 2-cents on what to do, what not to do, etc.

So my question for you ladies is...

What is the best OR worst advice someone has given you for your wedding day?

I will start. A family friend told me "Not everything will go perfect on your wedding day. Your job is to smile through it all. Remember, EVERYONE will have cameras and if you are pouting they will catch it. When you look back on your pictures you will not remember why you looked so pissed off, etc. So smile through it all. You will be grateful!"

Re: Best Advice...

  • my MOH told me that if dan and i go on a date, we should make a rule to not talk about the wedding. we haven't done it yet, but it might be good. im nervous i wouldnt be able to stop thinking about it!
    Happily married since 9/1/2012!
    The Whimsical Wifey
  • I'm pretty much done with FMIL after this whole process. I was told that I need to always keep eveyone in mind and that I needed to schedule my pictures at 5 when my ceremony starts at 530 because they got a limo for 14 people in his family. Not my problem.

    Number 2 was that she also told me I should place all the kids (all from his family) in the room with my family for dinner (the venue is sectioned into 3 rooms) even though it was the smallest room and my room with have friends and family. Basically she wants my family to babysit their side so they can drink, again, not gonna happen.

    She doesn't even want us to get married but she's happy to try to take over 47 days before even though "it's your wedding."
  • I had 2 coworkers tell me not to bother inviting their spouses. The one lives away from her husband for most of the year (long story) and she told me "to hell with etiquette, I'll just tell him he doesn't have to make the trip down". The other one hates his wife but refuses to get a divorce for various reasons. He told me "if she comes, I won't have any fun". Eff them, I invited their spouses anyway.

    I also had someone recommend doing a B-list if I was that worried about making my venue minimum (which I kind of am, but not enough to B-list people).
  • The context needed to preface all this is that my fiance and I are paying for the vast, VAST majority of our wedding ourselves out of pocket.  Were our parents paying, this would be a different set of answers.
    Best Advice:
     If you can't make everyone happy, at least make you and your husband happy.

    (very close 2nd) Tell each parent the specific number of people they can invite.  We set a threshold for family and said "We're inviting only first cousins/ aunts and uncles." then gave them each a number of people they could invite.  In our case, we gave each parent 4 people (2 couples or 4 singles) they could invite.  This meant that whenever they said, 'Oh! You're not inviting so-and-so," we could just say, "we weren't planning on it, but would you like to change one of your choices?".

    It did result in a little bit of guest list chicken and we did have to lay down the law with FMIL (my FI did that all on his own!) but it meant we're having the 75-85 person wedding we want, not the 250 person wedding that would have happened if all parents were left unchecked.

    Worst Advice: Don't tell anybody it's a wedding so you get cheaper prices (like until the bride and groom come out tell them it's a sports banquet or retirement party), serve no alcohol at all just sparkling cider (we're really into good beer/wine and my fiance is an AWESOME amateur mixologist) and have it on a weekday- all tips to save money.  (From our FFIL)
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • My coworkers all told me to know where we are going after the wedding because we are going to be dead tired! They also added that it's okay if we don't consemate the marriage that night as most people fall asleep anyway lol. We're social workers so no topic is off limits!
    Anniversary Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers image
  • The best advice given is from my middle sister:

    This day is about you and Brian and no one else. If you and him are not upset about the way things are planning, F*** the rest of them! You be who you are, thats why we love you. Screw the "do it by the book" BS and do what you do best. God I love my sister <3

    The worst advice given from my crazy FFIL:

    You still should have had it at the church. All you needed to do is provide cake and punch at the end and it would have been dirt cheap!

    *And people wonder why I give him the evil eye or turn cold as a snake when I hear or see him*
    Anniversary Vacation
  • the best advice I got was from my mom's cousin- Relax, have fun, and enjoy the day and if a decoration or cake or something is wrong unless it looks horrible no one is going to know that it is wrong unless you tell them. At her wedding the wedding cake was decorated wrong but it was gorgeous and no one knew it was not the right cake except for her and her mom and now me.

    worst advice:
    1. you cannot have the first three songs of the wedding all country. It is my wedding and if that is how it ends up then so be it. But right now it probably will not be that way since I found father/daughter dance songs that are not country that I like better then "Stealing Cinderella"  but that person does not need to know that.

    2. you should pick the dress that your mom and aunt like/cried when you came out of the dressing room instead of the dress that you cannot get out of your head and like better. My mom and aunt also liked the dress that I loved as well.
  • Best advice: "No one else is going to care about anything related to your wedding as much as YOU do. If they don't like it, they'll only think about it for a second where as you will have these memories for the rest of your life." Amen, sista! I'm a really indecisive person and I have a hard time not worrying about the "little things" but sometimes I have to take a step back and realize that no one else is really going to care and in the end it won't really matter.

    Worst advice: Hmm, I'm not sure yet...I guess we'll have to see! 
  • These have all made me smile this morning! Keep sharing ladies!!!
  • wow, all kinds of great advice!!  i have not gotten any. the only thing ANYONE keeps telling me is "it'll all work out" or "you just need to calm down you still have x days."

  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited July 2012
    We should re-post this to Sept 2013 when we're done!  I'm sure they'd like the advice.  I remember similar threads from Sept 2011 about a year ago.

    The Best Advice I've Received:

    - It's a party.  The marriage is what is important.  If the party doesn't go exactly as planned, that's okay as long as you end up married and don't let the wedding planning ruin the relationship.

    - It is NOT about the bride & groom - this is a party, which means you have to take your guests and their happiness into consideration.  Does that mean that you have to make everyone happy?  No, you'll never make everyone happy, and will go nuts trying.  But being polite, respectful and considerate of our guests is essential.

    - Have the wedding you can afford.  Create the budget before you make even one decision - know where the money is coming from, and be sure to have it in-hand before you commit it anywhere.  Meaning if Mom & Dad promise to pay for the caterer, make sure they sign the contract or physically give you the money before you sign it yourself if you wouldn't be able to afford it if it fell through.  It will be a lot less stressful if you're planning within your means - trying to plan a gala on a picnic budget will only cause disappointment & angst.

    - Traditions aren't laws - uneven sides, men as bridesmen and women as groomswomen, no cake, no bouquet/garter toss, no first dance, etc. are all acceptable.  Do what feels right to you as a couple, not what you think you're SUPPOSED to do. 



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