My mom is really starting to piss me off. It started in December when I went dress shopping and she made a comment about me being overweight.
You can read that incident here. (clicky)After that, I didn't have much of a desire to include her at all. However, she keeps calling me and asking me questions and making suggestions. Her latest thing is letting her pay for our suite for the night after the wedding.
For a little background (and to be fair to her) she and my dad met and married in a short six weeks. It wasn't an arranged marriage. It is just how they did it. It is what they wanted to do. And, that is fine for them.
I have always thought that meeting and marrying in such a short time was impractical and irresponsible. Ever since I knew that about them I knew I would never do something so irrational. Don't get me wrong. They are still married and still love each other. I just think they should have worked out a few issues before getting married and they did not give themselves that oppurtunity.
I've known since I was 7 that I wanted to date a person for at minimum two years. Be engaged for at least 18 months. Then get married so a minimum of three and a half years before tying the knot. That is what is right for me. That is what I want for me.
Yesterday, she calls me and tells me we should get married in Gulf Shores. My parents keep telling me to have a DW. That isn't fair to FI family b/c they already have to travel so far from the north west coast to get to the middle of the country and my parents want me to move it more to the south east coast. Yeah a DW would be fun, but it just isn't practical. They aren't paying so it isn't a concern for them. They just want a vacation.
I told her that I've already booked vendors so, no. She said oh well its just a DJ. You can lose the deposit and book someone else. Um, its more than the DJ and I'm not okay "losing the deposit." Then she tells me I'm crazy and it was stupid to book vendors so soon.
What the deuce?
I asked why she thought I was crazy/stupid. She said you have so long before the wedding why would you tie yourself down? I said I barely have six months. Those vendors were kind and held my spot before I put a deposit down. Even though they had other people interested in my date. She just said, "well, that's silly I did it all in less than two weeks."
Well, mom, that's super. Pretty sure the wedding industry has changed a lot in the past 30 years and what works for you doesn't necessarily work for me! I'm so sick of her (and my dad) citicising me for wanting to have a nice wedding! They say I'm wasting money on a silly day that I won't ever think about after we've been married for a year. They think spending any money on photography is foolish b/c I "will never look at the photos again."
I've told them that it is my money and this is how I want to spend it, but they still complain. I remind them they aren't paying and therefore don't get to complain.
But, come on. Calling me crazy and stupid for booking vendors? I don't even know what to do. I know mom's are supposed to be involved in the wedding, but why should I continue to involve her if everytime we talk about the wedding I end up wanting to never speak to her again? Seeing her and talking to her is fine..until she starts in about the wedding.
I've pretty much made up my mind about my dress. (The Justin Alexander thanks everyone for voting and commenting yesterday!) I'm going dress shopping with her Friday to show her the dress and let her get the photos (which I'm sure she'll never look at again) that she wants. I told my FI that if she makes another comment like last time (see link at begining of this long vent) that I'm still going to get it and just tell her she is welcome to look at FI all day. He said he would be sure to make silly faces all day.
Most people that are as awful as my mom I can handle. I can be snarky right back or use my multiple tactics for avoidance. If I avoid my mom it becomes a huge family fued. I've told her that her comments hurt me and she claims to have no rememberance of ever saying such awful things and I must have twisted her words in my head.
I'm just beside myself with frustration.