September 2012 Weddings

Awkward invite....

So a few background details; we are having a semi-destination wedding (meaning the location is at least three hours or more from all of the guests, but no one has to fly… other than those that would have to fly regardless).  Due to this most people are getting a hotel and staying up there for the weekend.  We are having a welcome dinner and inviting everyone the evening before so most people are staying for two nights.  Given all of that, we sent out our save the dates about 9 months in advance, to give people fair warning.

Here is where my concern comes about; we sent out a save the date to a friend I have known for 7 years.  We were really close awhile back, but in the past couple of years we are simply not as close… no falling out, just life gets in the way and our mutual group of friends no longer gets together.  When we do get to see each other it’s always a really good time!  When the save the dates were going out we had just started working together again, and started getting really friendly again, so it was an easy decision to send him a save the date (or so I thought at the time).  However, about a month after that he got a new job, in a different business unit, in a different town.  Because of this we haven’t really seen each other in well over 6 months, and have barely spoken either.  Again, not for any reason other than we just both have very busy lives and since our paths don’t cross due to work or mutual friend anymore, our friendship has wilted a bit.  Given this, I obviously still intend on sending him an invitation, however my fear is that he will think it is odd that we are sending him an invitation when we haven’t really kept up communication (knowing him I am 99% certain he wouldn’t realize that it is simply normal etiquette to send an invite if we sent a std).  I don’t want him thinking I am being ‘gift grabby’ or anything.  If he did want to come to the wedding I would be thrilled, but again as it likely requires an overnight stay it is a big ‘commitment’ for someone who is merely a good acquaintance at this point.  I don’t know if I should just send the invite and go on my way, or if I should send a note saying something with the invitation… not even sure what I would say in it.  Any suggestions?  I just feel so awkward sending him an invitation… it isn’t like we are having a massive wedding inviting everyone and their brother, it is just close family/friends…. And this one old friend haha!

Re: Awkward invite....

  • I would go ahead and just send the invitiation since he's going to remember that he got the STD. If you guys really aren't as close as you say...there's no way he will drive 4 hours to your wedding cause that's pretty far. For me, four hours would need to be a REALLY close friend. Problem solved!
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  • I would still send the invitation.  Since you two were friends, I'm sure he knows that you aren't the gift grabby type of person and that you are extending the invitation out of courtesy.   I would send the invite and don't think twice about it.  :)
  • Yeah I agree. Send the invite and if he doesn't think you are close enough for him to make the trek then that's on him. My mom got an invite from a second cousin's daughter who was getting married in Minnesota. My mom has met her once, many years ago when she was little. Now THAT is gift grabby, IMO. You asking a recent friend who you tend to lose touch with? Not so bad.
  • I would send it without a note.  I think singling out his invitation with a note is more awkward than a "I view our relationship equal to the others on the guest list."  If you were close friends I don't think it is viewed as gift grabby or out of place, you want people there who have supported you in your life (even if they weren't all that active the few months before).  He'll make the decision on if you guys are close enough to make the trip for and only he knows if the financial committment is doable for him.  And, if he doesn't attend and your paths never cross, if he can't afford a gift he won't send one or send something small (this is why we put those little measuring spoons on our registries!).  I think he'll be honored to be included despite where life takes the two of you.
  • Send the invite. If he believes that you're more 'acquaintances' now than friends he's not going to drive that far anyway.
  • L&K2012L&K2012 member
    10 Comments
    Yeah that makes sense volley, i wouldn't want to 'single him out' in a bad way... i do care for him and we do have a lot of fun together when we see each other, it is just out paths don't cross as much anymore and it makes it diffuclt to keep in touch.  Glad you girls don't think this sounds gift grabby, hopefully he won't either.  And who knows, maybe he will decide to come and this will be just the think we need to spark up our friendship again!?!  But as I said, if it was him getting married 3 plus hours away, I likely wouldn't make the trek. 
  • I agree in sending the invite :)

    For us most people are SUPER far away and half the wedding party is actually out of country! In reality he will either think it's to far and won't attend, or he may use this opportunity as a way to reconnect!

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