NWR: I want a baby!

AshnRobo

I can hardly get anything wedding related done b/c this is all I can think about! Now that I know we can have one, I'm obsessed. It is worse b/c my FI isn't here. Plus he keeps telling me to take out my BC so we can get started as soon as I move.

Not a good plan since I won't have a job right away!

Anyone else want a baby? How do you calm your hormones?

It is so bad I have a running list of baby names on my phone. I stare at babies in public, and am constantly reading articles about preparing for pregnancy, during pregnancy, after, etc all the way up to college.

calindi

We actually had a pregnancy scare last week.  Considering my lovely Aunt Flo is now visiting, that's clearly not an issue.  However, the idea of potentially really being pregnant seriously put in perspective our baby fever compared to our actual readiness to proceed with that step.  We're just not ready right now.

We were rather scared. We don't have a financial safety net right now (FI just graduated law school, is waiting for his orders to come through, so he will be unemployed until October).  Not to mention my health insurance doesn't have maternity coverage, and we discovered last week that you cannot buy individual maternity coverage at any cost in Rhode Island.  How screwed up is that?!  Not at any cost, not from anyone.  And I make too much to qualify for Medicare.  And pregnancy can still, until 2014, be considered a pre-existing condition by any plan I get thereafter (for instance, if my temp-to-hire became permanent and put me on their plan - they wouldn't have to cover pregnancy & delivery costs!).  Pregnancy out of pocket can cost between $7-10k.  Eeeeep! 

Needless to say, until I'm on TriCare when FI is Active Duty, and until we have a bit saved up so we aren't so hand-to-mouth with every paycheck, we'll be waiting on TTC.

volleygurl0306

Depending on your financial situation, you not having a job right when you move might be the best time to TTC.  Some companies don't give you maternity leave if you are pregnant when you start working there (i.e. have to work there 9 months to qualify).  I think everyone goes through a time when you really want a baby.  We all are lucky enough to have found a supportive partner who wants to commit to us legally so a baby is the natural next step for many. 
I think you should keep doing research but look for information written by people who explain the cons as well as the pros.  Another thing I did when I started getting baby-brain was look up "things to do before having a baby" or a pre-baby bucket list if you will.  Things like spontaneous vacations and staying in bed all day with your man (not feasible now but once you two are together) and skydiving and things like a cocktail brunch with girlfriends (doable with a kid but if you are tipsy in the afternoon, coming home to have to take care of your kid is no good).  When I saw that I realized there were some things FI and I wanted to be able to do and certain freedoms we just weren't willing to give up yet.  Having a kid changes EVERYTHING so just discuss with your FI if you are ready for everything to change or if you maybe want to give it a little more time. 

CowgirlK39

For the longest time, i told FI that there would be NO babies until there was better income. He has baby fever SO BAD. But now that i will be starting my career with a massive salary, I think we may TTC sooner than we originally thought. We were shopping for baby clothes for our friend's son and I showed FI the cutest pair of camo overalls and he said "Don't even show me!!! Im SO JEALOUS."

I personally want a house before a baby just so thats out of the way once we start a family, so that's first on the priority list.

AshnRobo

Can you buy gap policies such as Aflac? Those have coverage for maternity. IDK if those are banned for whatever reason in RI too though. That is very weird!

We aren't ready either. We both really want one now though. I keep insisting we need three months savings in an emergency fund, and need a seperate savings with at least $3,000 in it. I also want to not be living paycheck to paycheck. Right now we are b/c of the wedding and paying rent in two states. (Freaking sucks!) I know once I get a job that won't be a problem anymore and it will just be a matter of reestablishing our savings.

I also will need insurance. I'm covered now, and for 30 days after I move. Unfortunately, pregnancies tend to last longer than 30 days. When will they invent the quick grow kid?? :P

It will be 6 months to a year before we are ready. To make matters worse, I have a disease that makes conception difficult and carrying to term even more difficult. I'm 26 and my doctor says I need to get pregnant before 28.

Pressure!

I'm glad you aren't pregnant though. I mean I would be really happy for you if you were, but since neither of you are ready I'm glad it wasn't a major disaster.

AshnRobo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_nwr-i-want-a-baby?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:4953591a-4aae-4b88-a04f-2685d0b9c70aPost:bc146946-d5b4-4129-8277-613c5795e321">Re: NWR: I want a baby!</a>:
[QUOTE]Depending on your financial situation, you not having a job right when you move might be the best time to TTC.  Some companies don't give you maternity leave if you are pregnant when you start working there (i.e. have to work there 9 months to qualify).  I think everyone goes through a time when you really want a baby.  We all are lucky enough to have found a supportive partner who wants to commit to us legally so a baby is the natural next step for many.  I think you should keep doing research but look for information written by people who explain the cons as well as the pros.  Another thing I did when I started getting baby-brain was look up "things to do before having a baby" or a <strong>pre-baby bucket list</strong> if you will.  Things like spontaneous vacations and staying in bed all day with your man (not feasible now but once you two are together) and <strong>skydiving </strong>and things like a cocktail brunch with girlfriends (doable with a kid but if you are tipsy in the afternoon, coming home to have to take care of your kid is no good).  When I saw that I realized there were some things FI and I wanted to be able to do and certain freedoms we just weren't willing to give up yet.  Having a kid changes EVERYTHING so just discuss with your FI if you are ready for everything to change or if you maybe want to give it a little more time. 
Posted by volleygurl0306[/QUOTE]

I have one of these!

The only thing left is skydiving and going to Africa! I'm going skydiving in August with some of my friends.

Africa we have actually moved to just a life bucket list b/c after looking at prices and trying to make it work within our time frame it just won't. :(

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_nwr-i-want-a-baby?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:4953591a-4aae-4b88-a04f-2685d0b9c70aPost:5a800d24-7e60-407f-b55d-b35abea0d2d2">Re: NWR: I want a baby!</a>:
[QUOTE]Can you buy gap policies such as Aflac? Those have coverage for maternity. IDK if those are banned for whatever reason in RI too though. That is very weird! We aren't ready either. We both really want one now though. I keep insisting we need three months savings in an emergency fund, and need a seperate savings with at least $3,000 in it. I also want to not be living paycheck to paycheck. Right now we are b/c of the wedding and paying rent in two states. (Freaking sucks!) I know once I get a job that won't be a problem anymore and it will just be a matter of reestablishing our savings. I also will need insurance. I'm covered now, and for 30 days after I move. Unfortunately, pregnancies tend to last longer than 30 days. When will they invent the quick grow kid?? :P It will be 6 months to a year before we are ready. To make matters worse, I have a disease that makes conception difficult and carrying to term even more difficult. I'm 26 and my doctor says I need to get pregnant before 28. Pressure! I'm glad you aren't pregnant though. I mean I would be really happy for you if you were, but since neither of you are ready I'm glad it wasn't a major disaster.
Posted by AshnRobo[/QUOTE]

I don't know if Aflac would cover - I called a bunch of different companies and did a lot of Googling, and basically nothin'.  Luckily I didn't have to keep looking. 

If I had been pregnant, we would have just minimized first trimester medical tests until I was on his insurance with the military in October when he goes active duty. 

We're hoping in a year or two to start trying.  The military puts everything in odd perspective, but basically we'd like to go on one big trip for our one year anniversary to Asia (Thailand and Vietnam) before we start trying for a family.  We also will be moving in October 2012, and March 2013, and September 2013, and then probably January 2014 again, and then once again in March 2014. 

So for the next year and a half, we won't be in one place long enough to even keep a doctor through the pregnancy!  We might try in late 2013, early 2014. 

ErinW1912

I keep myself entertained with my month old niece and we have family freinds that have babies that I get to hang out with. I want a baby I just know financially we are not ready and there are things I want to do just us before we have any little hellions-I am sure there will be pressure after we get married since my sister and brother in law do not have any kids yet either. so my parents have no grandkids and my mom is always like I want grandkids to spoil I always respond with look to your eldest daughter not me. 

melissa199

Our son turns 3 tomorrow. And I'm holding our 4 month old daughter as I type this. We did things out of order. Got pregnant, fell in love, now we're getting married. Lol. Babies are amazing, but like PP says, make sure you've checked that bucket list. Life changes in ways that nobody can explain to you. But don't let it scare you. Just make sure you're ready. :

AriesAngel86

We're not ready yet...at all. I want to wait 5-6 years! Fiance is on the same page. I'm 26... I have plenty of time for babies! I want to be more stable in my career. Plus, Fiance is possibly going to back to school for his Masters in biomedical engineering so now wouldn't be the right time.

ejheart

Aww...Ashley! Sorry, I can't relate though, because I'm honestly the furthest from this. I'm picturing (ideally) 5-10 years from know (knock on wood). So, yeah. I agree with PP though, babysitting my 2 year old nephew is instant BC. I know it must be a lot different for you though, with your health situation.

Maybe this will help. Just think about when you first got engaged, and set a date, and how time has freaking FLOWN since then. When we get married we will have been engaged for about a year and 2 months, and really it will have been one of the fastest years of my life. 6 months to a year is nothing! Plus, after the wedding, you'll have lots of things to plan and prepare for (baby-wise) so I'm sure that will help time move along, too.

jamie5482

FI and I do not want a baby, definitely not right now... We're currently in the middle of a sorta pregnancy scare and although we are financially in good shape we do want to travel and at least have another year of "us" time after the wedding before trying for a little one. I've had some lightheadnesses and nausea for almost a week and test once (negative, yay) and am waiting for the arrival (or not...) of my period to potentially test again. Still having a little bit of a freak out even though it's highly unlikely I'm actually pregnant. 

Just knowing how much our lives will change when we have a baby makes us not ready right now - financially we're ready, even mentally/ emotionally we're about ready, but timing-wise we are not. We have a lot of non-baby related fun to have first! At least we already crossed skydiving off the bucket list (we went in May for my 30th bday)! 

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_nwr-i-want-a-baby?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:4953591a-4aae-4b88-a04f-2685d0b9c70aPost:e2e4b8a9-6bf1-4537-bdf8-742a8851204a">Re: NWR: I want a baby!</a>:
[QUOTE]FI and I do not want a baby, definitely not right now... We're currently in the middle of a sorta pregnancy scare and although we are financially in good shape we do want to travel and at least have another year of "us" time after the wedding before trying for a little one. I've had some lightheadnesses and nausea for almost a week and test once (negative, yay) and am waiting for the arrival (or not...) of my period to potentially test again. Still having a little bit of a freak out even though it's highly unlikely I'm actually pregnant.  Just knowing how much our lives will change when we have a baby makes us not ready right now - financially we're ready, even mentally/ emotionally we're about ready, but timing-wise we are not. We have a lot of non-baby related fun to have first! At least we already crossed skydiving off the bucket list (we went in May for my 30th bday)! 
Posted by jamie5482[/QUOTE]

I was in the exact same boat - for what it's worth, after my period came, I realized that the stress from wedding planning (and possibly cycling with the women at my new job) probably caused the delay from my normal start date.  I'm told it's quite frequent for women to have pregnancy scares right before the marriage because of all the other things going on at the time and the stress.

Good luck!  I hope your period comes soon.  I want the moment I find out that I'm pregnant to be thrilling, not overwhelming and frightening and bittersweet!

jamie5482

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_nwr-i-want-a-baby?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:4953591a-4aae-4b88-a04f-2685d0b9c70aPost:b199ed1b-2226-47da-a8fb-5d5d84ccff3d">Re: NWR: I want a baby!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: I want a baby! : I was in the exact same boat - for what it's worth, after my period came, I realized that the stress from wedding planning (and possibly cycling with the women at my new job) probably caused the delay from my normal start date.  I'm told it's quite frequent for women to have pregnancy scares right before the marriage because of all the other things going on at the time and the stress. Good luck!  I hope your period comes soon.  I want the moment I find out that I'm pregnant to be thrilling, not overwhelming and frightening and bittersweet!
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
Thanks! I'm pretty confident my period will be here today or tomorrow. And I completely agree - I want to be overjoyed, not worried about FI and I both being upset (I'm sure we'd be happy about it eventually but it'd be terrible timing!). I'd prefer not to start our kids lives out with the "oh crap" feeling, haha. 

danigirl7181

I am right there with you, bad baby fever. We already have a 19 month old and we are both ready for #2. I have even started looking into newborn cloth diapers, lol. We will start TTC right away after the wedding, possibly on the wedding night, lol. I am not on BCP, but we use another form of BC. So we don't have to wait for anything to get out of my system. We are in the process of buying a house and paying for the wedding ourselves. There is never a perfect time to have a baby. Babies can be a bit expensive, but there are ways to cut costs...breastfeeding, cloth diapers, and buying neutral colored baby items (bedding, stroller, bouncers, etc.) that can be used for multiple children. We buy most of of DDs cloths at second hand shops, everything is in great condition and some things still have tags on them. 

How do I calm my hormones? There are a ton of people around me having babies, we have a 8 week old nephew that we are Godparents to and FSIL is having a baby boy any day now. A lot of people I work with just had babies in the past 6 months. So I get to see a lot of babies, which sometimes makes my baby fever worse. 

Plus FI and I were just talking that we are kind of nervous to have another baby because our DD is so easy and is such a fun age. I know people brag about their kids, but she seriously is so easy going and such a happy girl. She now says "night night" when she is ready for bed and points to her crib. No fuss or anything, we lay her down and she falls asleep. We joke that our second kid will be a complete opposite. But we definitely want to give Lily a sibling or two. So hopefully by the end of the year I will be KU. 

Good luck to you and your FI on TTC, parenthood is the most amazing adventure ever. And just because you have a kid doesn't mean you have to stop having fun. I love my life and wouldn't change it for the world. 

ETA: I'm 31, would like two more kids, and would like to be done by 35 so I won't be considered high risk. We are definitely ready. But it may be different for us because we already have a child. 

vantica

It's my FI that has the baby fever!  Lol.  And my dad's girlfriend.  Both are like.....it's less then 3 months, if you get pregnant you won't even show by then!  Whereas I'm like......I don't want to be SICK for the wedding, some people do show early, and I would like to be able to partake in all this alcohol we're buying!  It's kind of amusing actually. 

danigirl7181

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_nwr-i-want-a-baby?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:4953591a-4aae-4b88-a04f-2685d0b9c70aPost:24a70728-1b72-493e-8f90-050bb060e594">Re: NWR: I want a baby!</a>:
[QUOTE]It's my FI that has the baby fever!  Lol.  And my dad's girlfriend.  Both are like.....it's less then 3 months, if you get pregnant you won't even show by then!  Whereas I'm like......I don't want to be SICK for the wedding, some people do show early, and I would like to be able to partake in all this alcohol we're buying!  It's kind of amusing actually. 
Posted by vantica[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This was me at 12 weeks, I'm one of those that shows really quick, lol. I will probably start showing at 5 weeks with our second.

<div><img id="fullSizedImage" style="border-width:0px;border-style:none;padding:14px;cursor:pointer;margin:0px auto;vertical-align:middle;color:#000000;font-family:'Lucida Sans Unicode', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif;line-height:normal;text-align:-webkit-auto;background-color:#fac9da;width:360px;height:270px;" class="media" src="http://i1137.photobucket.com/albums/n509/danigirl7181/KUbelly3months-1.jpg?t=1341537098" alt="KUbelly3months" /> </div><div>
</div></div>

vantica

Exactly!  My friend started showing really early too.  I would like to fit into my dress thanks! Lol.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_nwr-i-want-a-baby?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:4953591a-4aae-4b88-a04f-2685d0b9c70aPost:8bddde32-6a4b-4417-aaa7-f8dc71fe878b">Re: NWR: I want a baby!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: I want a baby! : This was me at 12 weeks, I'm one of those that shows really quick, lol. I will probably start showing at 5 weeks with our second.
Posted by danigirl7181[/QUOTE]