I need someone to lend me some patience

CowgirlK39

Some of you saw my FB post about how BSC my FI's family is. I found out from FBIL that FI's grandma randomly exploded and told FMIL that they will not be coming to anything involving our wedding.... because we own cats. They have never been to our place or seen our cats, nor would the cats have anything to do with our wedding or shower, so that is totally irrational. I'm pretty upset though because they went to FSIL's shower and plan to attend her wedding (she is allergic to cats so I guess she's ok?). I mean, I know there is nothing anyone can say to them but its very upsetting that someone would put something so stupid between themselves and the rest of the family.

Then, FIL's all came over to see my 76 Chevy truck that FI got me, and FMIL parked her Jeep on my lawn, for no reason. She thinks this beat up, rusted Jeep makes her cool, so she parks it show-style everywhere she goes. She became furious when I told her to park it in the driveway with the other trucks and then spent the whole time pouting and stomping around like an angry child. We just ignored her and they all left after a few minutes because it was so awkward.

I'm losing my patience. For the past 3.5 years I have been very good at smiling and nodding, but now that we are forming our own life, FIL's feel the need to constantly cause issues. It's been so hard with the wedding stuff too because FMIL has been interjecting her ideas and if its something she has no say over, I just smile and nod, but when its something she is paying for, I can't tell her how stupid the idea is, I just have to sit there and take it. I find myself snapping very easily these days when they do something ridiculously rude and inappropriate and I can't help it anymore.

I need knottie vibes or something to get me thru this. Does anyone else have suggestions as to how to learn to contain myself?

ameliakwatson

I totallyyyyy feel you!! Fiance has asked his mother COUNTLESS times if she's coming to the wedding... no response each time. I could point out other things she has done to us that makes my blood boil, like how she never even wanted to meet me while we were just dating and how I basically felt like she was the other woman, and now I just feel like she's an angry, jealous ex of his. But, I do just keep my mouth shut unless something she is doing does need immediate attention (fiance can't ever man up and tell her) because if it's something smaller, causing a ruckus about it really won't do anything. Patience will come with time, trust me. It has for me.

volleygurl0306

Your FMIL is a hot a$$ mess.  I think you need to decide with your FI how best to handle his mom or any family.  Family dynamics are weird and sometimes people like to handle their own vs. getting their significant other in there.  But, if your FI is non-confrontational you shouldn't just have to take it.  I'd say maybe after the wedding things will cool off.  My biggest concern is how things would go once you have kids.  Planning a wedding is just a few months to a year.  Having kids and the opinions people have with that will never stop until maybe the kid is an adult.  If you and FI can come up with a strategy now of how to handle family (his or yours) that cross the line or say/do something inappropriate in your home, it'll help the "this is our child and we will raise him/her as WE see fit" conversation since that is a lot bigger of a deal than the wedding. 

Deep breaths, girl!!!

L&K2012

I am sorry this probably doesn't help but, CATS... seriously!?!  Because you own cats someone won't come to your wedding?  It would be one thing if your shower/wedding were to be held at your house, and your cats would be there, where they might cause allergies; but to not come to your wedding, because of something you own that won't be there!?! 

If it makes you feel any better I would have absolutely no patience for this situation either.  I seriously feel for you.....

CowgirlK39

Sadly I cannot rely on FI to step up in this situ. He gets too angry with her, blows up at her or ignores her all together. What does she do then? She calls me and says "Steven isn't answering me..." and goes on with her stupid idea. Also, when it comes to wedding stuff, he doesn't know or care about decorations for the shower or other crap she bugs me about, so I can't have him step in for that.

Like i said, I got very good at smiling and nodding, but sometimes that backfires on me, and now is the reason I am having two showers. When I smile and nod and try to be nice, she then takes that to mean that she can continue to do whatever she wants, such as show up at our house whenever or park on my lawn. But when I finally snap at her, I feel like a bratty DIL. If I ask her politely, she doesn't listen and continues to do what she wants.

I just don't know anymore.....

akbrown19

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_i-need-someone-to-lend-me-some-patience?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:4f72cb7c-578a-487e-8032-2e2a89d40827Post:b569c582-9056-4bfc-aa73-8cb0cc6bff1e">Re: I need someone to lend me some patience</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Your FMIL is a hot a$$ mess</strong>. 
Posted by volleygurl0306[/QUOTE]

<div>Hahahaha, this cracked me up. Cowgirl, I would say you should just think really hard about what your future is going to be like. I know that you love your FI and you are committed to him, but think about what your life is going to be like dealing with these people. If it's something that is going to make the rest of your life living hell, do you really want to marry into a family like that?</div><div>
</div><div>You don't have a ton of choices, you can really either suck it up and deal with it (aka choose your battles), call it off, or get your FI to help you find ways around it. Whatever you do, just make sure it is the right decision for your future and that being with FI is worth it. Not saying that it isn't, and I know you've probably gone over it a million times in your head, but you have to be on the same page with FI to be successful.</div><div>
</div><div>Good luck girl!</div>

vantica

With the grandma, all I can think of is maybe she's slowly losing it?  I know that sounds mean, but I am serious.  If your cats have never come up before, but now they are suddenly an issue, it may be because she's getting old and not 100% with it anymore.